Baby sleep, would you consider controlled crying?

Why would anyone leave a baby to cry?

I did.

Would I do it again? Most probably not if the circumstances were the same, but in some circumstances, yes, yes I'd try it, and before you shout me down here's what I did, and why I would, or wouldn't do it again.

When DD was born (17 years ago!)  I was a novice mum. I didn't have a lot of close friends living near and none that had babies. All my school mates had moved away and none were married. My mum lived hundreds of miles away. The Internet existed but not with social media like it is today. I joined a small message board of mums, they were almost all American, everything from our 'diaper' choices to feeding methods were very different, though everyone was friendly. Mostly I bought some books and took advice from my midwives and health visitors (who were all lovely and really helpful btw)

When DD was born I was able to take a year off from work and Mr TM was already retired (and planning to be a SAHD and DD's main carer when I went back to work) so we had a whole year, just us and a baby (and 2 dogs). In the first few weeks I didn't get much sleep. Although Mr TM slept in a separate room (so he could be awake in the day and do lots of the chores, walk the dogs etc,) night feeds, in fact all feeds, were provided by my boobs so I had to be awake. Feeding on demand was recommended (quite rightly imo) at least in the first weeks to help milk supply. A feed could take an hour with a 2 hour nap after (for DD!)  and then more feeding, so you can imagine how tired a breastfeeding mum is, also she's making milk, in itself tiring - medals all round ladies!

Also anyone that tells you to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is an idiot. Do they suggest a quick nap in aisle 8 of Sainsbury? A 20 minute sleep while driving? A doze in the park while walking the dogs? You are using those 2 hour windows of sleeping baby to wash, eat, clean the house, chat to adults, just 'be'. 

 So by week six I was running on fumes. I had no idea at the time that I had Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease (which has the joyous side effect of making you more tired than 'normal' people, and making ordinary tasks more tiring still) so that may explain some of it, but what ever, by week 6, late one night as DD cried, after I'd tried feeding, changing, cuddles, singing, swearing, begging, crying (me not her)  I looked to books for advice and I read about letting babies cry.

In the 50s babies were encouraged to cry. It was 'good for their lungs', gave them some exercise, and, if done outside, got them some 'fresh air'. So it was with no surprise that I found many books that suggested the crying it out (CIO) method. This, apparently relied on checking everything was well with the baby, they were fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed and leaving them to it. They would eventually fall asleep.

Even in my desperate state this sounded a tad tragic! Poor little baby, no doubt it would sob itself through hysteria into exhaustion and then fall asleep. So it would work, but at what cost? And wouldn't the baby get more distressed at each consecutive bedtime? Knowing and learning that bed and pram was a lonely prison?  No CIO was not for me.

Then I read about the controlled Crying method (CC) controlled crying started the same way, check baby was fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed, but then not leaving them until they slept, but rather, settling them, saying a calm goodnight, and leaving, if they cried, waiting a minute before returning, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 2 minutes, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 3 minutes...and , well you get the picture. This I could cope with.

I tried it...the first night was hell. When your baby cries, a minute feels like about 30 years. You have been sitting staring at the clock for an eternity (a minute) and then you rush to the baby, soothe, settle, leave and repeat. I was more tired after the first night of CC than before I had tried it! (she eventually fell asleep after 10 minutes). The second night I tried again....she was asleep after  5 minutes, and the third night, she settled and went to sleep with no tears at all...and the most amazing thing was that she also slept all night (well from 11pm at last feed until 6am and first feed - but that's all night in my book!) And this continued. I had a six week old baby that just went to bed at 11pm and slept through! (I'm sorry if you hate me - I'm sure luck plays a huge part here too)

I was a changed woman. Days were fun again. I could walk the dogs, Mr TM and I could spend time (awake) together. I could do cooking and housework. A miracle.

But...would I do it again, probably not.

I think as I had a year off and a supportive husband at home I could have just weathered the lack of sleep for a few months until she gradually learned nighttime was no fun, and reserved for sleeping.

If circumstances were different however, if I had to go back to work, or had other children to care for in the day, or no husband at home, then yes, I think I would at least try it for a few days. I think that if the times were getting longer to take the baby to settle, I would stop. If after a few nights she still wasn't settled happily at bedtime, I'd stop. But I think for exhausted parents, with other things and other family to manage, who don't have the luxury of focusing totally on a new baby, then yes CC has a place.

The conclusion I've come to is that lots of things that are 'best for baby' don't take anyone else into consideration. It's nice of you can do what's 'best for baby' but there are other people in the house too, mum, dad (maybe 2 mums, 2 dads whatever, you get the picture) other children, and there may be a job you need to go to to have money to feed and clothe everyone. So sometimes, what is best for baby is a fully functioning household.

And so I don my flame suit and pop this (sure to be unpopular) opinion out onto the Internet. I'd love your comments.

Dads are rubbish at housework and parenting

They are not, obviously; dads are are sometimes better, sometimes worse, often the same, as mums when it comes to housework and childcare. And now I've caught your attention let me tell you more. I can only tell you about my experience of course, but that will have to do.

When we brought DD home from the hospital she was just over a day old. A day. One day. A whole entire new being that we had made (to be fair I'd done the bulk of the work up until that point) and here she was, in our care. We didn't need a licence or a home check or any training, they just gave us this new person, wished us well and waved us goodbye.

New baby DD

During the first few days and nights each time she cried Mr TM would look at me with a worried look and ask "what does she want?" I would stare back and say "I have no idea, I only just met her!" and he would say "but you are her mum!" to which the only sensible reply was "and you are her dad!"

And that's the thing isn't it, just because I grew a tiny person in the wet life support system of my womb doesn't mean I know her any more than anyone else does. Of course there are things that happen,  milk appearing as if by magic when babies cry, which prompts a mum to offer a feed, but the terrible smell emanating from the bottom end of the baby which prompts a nappy change, is there for all to sniff! And so we learned. I was on maternity leave for a year and Mr TM had retired with the plan that he would stay home and look after DD when I went back to work. For a year we were together, learning about this new person, growing to know her ways, her likes and her (frequently violent) dislikes.

When I went back to work Mr TM became DDs main carer and so, spending longer with her, he became more attuned to her than I did. He knew that this week she hated rice pudding, or that she had decided a different teddy was needed at bedtime. He had always been the more organised one of the two of us, even now when DD has reached the frankly terrifying age of 16 he is still the one that does the laundry, cleans the bathrooms, hoovers the lounge.

I work full time and have since DD was a year old, she self weaned when I went back to work as I was out of the house (commuting to London) for such long periods of time each day, in fact the first 3 months I returned to work I didn't see her awake except at weekends. I relied on my husband telling me all the things they had been up to. The hilarious potty incidents, the difficulty in finding a public toilet to take her into, the things they had eaten out at cafes. Luckily I changed my job and avoided the long commute very quickly, and Mr TM and DD could come and visit me at lunchtimes, but still he was her main carer, the one that wiped her snot, dealt with nappy rash, became an expert on teething and knew the best way to deal with cradlecap.

DD shares a picnic with daddy

Mr TM grew with DD, becoming a rather awesome dad. Great at organising days out (where I invariably forgot something vital!), a whizz at packing a rucksack with 'essential baby things' but because he was the parent that stayed home, he also became the homemaker (a rather nice gender neutral Americanism). So it is still Mr TM who is in charge at home. He cleans the kitchen floor, he dusts, he brushes the sofa and plumps the cushions, he cleans the oven. In fact he does all of the things most people would see as 'womens' work' and sometimes he worries that other men will think less of him because he is not 'the bread winner'. I have told him time and time again that women find men that hoover, clean the bathroom and feed the children, to be just as attractive a prospect as one that works in the city, but I'd be lying if I said everyone thinks it's fine.

He has to put up with questions about why he doesn't work, questions that no woman would be asked, he also gets regularly enraged by the lazy stereotype used in the media , that husbands and men in general are hopeless fools around the house, that men can't do a load of laundry, clean a stove top or hoover a room without help from a clever lady. Or if they can do these things they are some sort of superhero. He had to suffer being the only man at 'mummy and baby' groups and was often confounded to be excluded from baby changing facilities that were hidden in the 'Ladies' toilets.

DD helps daddy clear the snow

Things have changed in those 16 years of course, and I know that now lots of dads are the main carers of their children either by choice or through circumstance. But I can't help but notice, among all the ranting about girls being forced to be pink princesses, that dads (and men) still get a bad rap where being homemakers and child carers are involved. So shall we just try and be inclusive? Let's remember there are great dads out there, terrible dads too, and mediocre dads, just like mums...

Much love from a very mediocre mum. Comments welcome on twitter or my facebook page.

The Fight Against Lurgies

Is Lurgy a real word? I don't know, but being British, having 'the lurgy' seems to be a common thing. The lurgy can vary from stomach bugs to colds but we all know it when we have it. Yuk. Feeling ill, infectious and generally 'grotty', when you live with other people you are shunned for fear that they will be next.

Gruesome tissues and your used cups will be avoided Like...well like the plague! Because no one wants to be next on the list to be struck down.

I suffered from the lurgy a week or so ago and serendipitously received a product to try at the same time. The product was NatraSan, a first aid and general cleaning spray made not of alcoholic gel, as many hand sanitisers are, but of water based hypochlorous acid. This acid is both strong against germs but mild on your skin, in fact your own skin makes it to protect you from the germy horrors that lurk...

So NatraSan can be used as a hand sanitiser, wound cleaner, surface cleaner, even a food cleaner! I used it during my snotty time in bed to wipe down things I touched, to clean my hands, and to clean surfaces etc, and it seemed to work as Mr TM remained bug and lurgy free! (Lucky him - I was in bed for 4 days!)

The spray is also perfect for camping - I'll be taking some to festivals - great for hand cleaning without the drying or stinging associated with alcohol gels, safe for small children to use (even if they suck their hands while they are still wet with NatraSan), excellent to rinse out scrapes and grazes ,and perfect for a quick wipe down of a dropped apple...no rinsing needed.

I was sceptical of the claims I admit - so I did a bit of research and sure enough it does work! The sanitising properties of hypocholrous acid have been known for some time, it was keeping it stable that was the problem and now that it is solved I can see it becoming more widely used. It's not cheap but I think the safety aspects, along with it's efficacy and the fact that small children can use it will make it a useful addition to your 'cleaning arsenal'.

Some facts:

Fact 1: This antiseptic, anti-viral and anti-fungal sanitising spray kills 99.9999% of germs, bacteria and viruses within seconds.
The active ingredient in NatraSan is hypochlorous acid, a very mild but powerful chemical produced by the human immune system to fight infection. Hypochlorous has evolved to kill microbes quickly - it oxidises germs, which means that it penetrates the outer layer of the germ cell and literally ‘blows it up’.

Fact 2: NatraSan is 300 times more effective than bleach but it is no more dangerous to human skin than water.
Because hypochlorous is a natural chemical that is produced by the human body it is safe to all human tissue, including young, old and sensitive skin, whilst causing almost instant death to germs. Rigorous laboratory tests have found it to be more effective than bleach for killing bacteria, with the added bonus of being natural and kind to skin.

NatraSan has been independently laboratory tested in UK laboratories and complies with British Standard/European Norm (BSEN) 1276 (bactericidal) BSEN 13697 (fungicidal) BSEN 14204 (virucidal) and BSEN 13704 (sporicidal).

NatraSan costs £10.00 for 250ml and £7.00 for 100ml - available at www.natrasanuk.com 

Disclosure: I was sent a complimentary bottle of Natrasan for the purposes of this review.

Organised Parent or Relaxed and Wild?

How organised a parent are you? A conversation amongst some other parents today made me wonder. By nature I'm a laid back hippy kind of person, stuff happens, I worry about it when it does and I live a lot of my life unplanned and just thinking 'what's the worst that can happen?'

When Dd was a baby I breastfed and so I was able to leave the house without a range of baby things, just a folding change mat and a spare nappy (not for a trip lasting less than an hour) and maybe a small pack of baby wipes. As DD got older I had to stash potties around the house and took one in the car, but I always forgot snacks (boobs were hard to forget you see!) and drinks, so I often had to buy them out.

*shrug* but whats the worst that can happen?

What's the worst that can happen?

 My husband is totally the opposite, he likes to plan everything for the whole day with timings and disaster plans and plan b's and plan c's in case plan b fails. (this may explain why I love festivals and camping and he doesn't)

When DD started school we started using the calendar a lot more to mark everything from parent teacher meetings to dentist check ups to picnic dates with friends. But DH ever the organised one still feared we might miss something so we also have a whiteboard in the kitchen to write down everything that is happening in the week. We consult the calendar on a Sunday and fill it in.

Mr TM - taking control of the ship

We add what everyone is doing so that adding in new things can be planned around events already booked. For example, on an average week the planner will have DD's music lessons, after school clubs, days she is out with friends, the car MOT, a Drs appt, a reminder to put the bins out, dates homework is due in (by subject), library books due back, an inset day, a half day I've booked as annual leave, a day I'll be late home due to a meeting etc etc

And I confess it does help! We rarely miss things, or double book. Forms are sent in on time for school and we don't get library book fines.

My husband is a SAHD so this also means fabulous home planning! Shopping done, washing all sorted, school uniform washed and dried and ready for Monday, lawns mowed...

But are we over organised? I think I'm starting to feel weird, like the dreaded 'perfect parent' that the internet sneers so hard at. And I can't even take the credit really! It's all down to DH and his planning skills. Maybe because I have to be organised at work I tend to be less organised at home (I doubt it, I think it's just me)

So tell me - are we over planning? Are you already vomiting into a bowl? Do you plan things? Or are you a chaotic house of lost shoes and missing school bags (no judgement, what ever works for you!) I'd love to know, please add a comment below.

And no, you can't have him, I saw him first.

The virtual baby

Dd is studying child development as one of her gcse options. Part of the course involves looking after a virtual baby for a weekend. These dolls were created to show young adults some of the reality of having a baby. Of course you don't get lots of the horror, no poo, no vomit, no worryingly unexpected high temperatures or rashes. But you don't get much of the fun either, no squishy cuddles, no laughs, no smiles, no kicking feet. But you do get to experience the thing all new parents get, a lack of sleep.

DD has always been very keen on children. She adores babies and kids, so I was surprised at her reaction to the baby.

Day one, the baby is set to react like a newborn. It wakes and sleeps at all times of the day and night, it constantly wants feeding or changing (they have nappies with little sensors in, so the computer in the baby can tell if you actually changed the nappy) but unlike real babies it's never especially cute. It seems that they are mostly annoying or boring. The first night the baby did not want to sleep at 9pm, DD's normal bedtime, by the time she was ready for bed it was 10pm, I wen to bed then too. The baby woke in the night, waking me each time too, at midnight, 2am, 3.45am, 5am and then again at about 6am. I had to go to work and I left an exhausted and pissed off dd at home.

During the day the baby continued to be needy and DD continued being annoyed. By the evening I was actually concerned for the fake babies safety and took it into the hall for a while to rock it as it cried. Poor DD she was determined by this stage that she would never have children!

Day two the baby is set to behave a few weeks older. Last night the baby slept more, but still woke several times. The joy of nappy changing on a virtual baby is the lack of poo, the non existent risk of an explosive nappy and the need to change all the baby's clothes plus bath it and change all the cot sheets. But on the downside there are no cheeky grins or raspberries. DD is finding it hard to 'like' the virtual baby. It gives nothing back to the virtual parent.

The day went better though, the baby was more settled and fed and cried less.

Day three. Last day to be a mum. DD was into her stride by now, recognising the various cries and sorting the baby's problems really quickly. Sadly she still doesn't really get anything from it - it's very automated now, just a quick feed, burp, nappy change, no eye contact no snuggles.

When she woke on the morning the baby was due to be returned she said "oh wow I had a great nights sleep!" and I asked if the baby had slept though, "No, she replied but it only woke once at 1am it was bliss" haha I think maybe she will make a mum after all.

Our view of the virtual baby is that as it's designed to show children what a real baby is like and put them off parenthood too early it sort of works. But it's a bit of a cheat, it gives you the noisy bits of the baby but that's really all it does, there is no mess, no making up of feeds, (no breastfeeding and subsequent sore nipples!) no bathing. And there are no real nice bits at all, no cuddles, no smiles, no kicking feet or grabbing your finger. One thing she did say "This would be so much easier with someone to help" It's a reasonable tool but i think maybe I should borrow a real baby for DD ... anyone need a break ... for a few minutes? Before she gets annoyed and gives the baby back?

How to hold it together when it's time for potty training

I’m going to begin at the beginning, with the obvious.

Children are available in all shapes and sizes. Some will be happy and ready to learn about potties and toilets at 1 year old, some will have no control or interest until they are 4 or older.
Some children will have medical issues that will mean that sorting out when to use a toilet will always be an issue.

You can sometimes teach a child a bit earlier by sparking an interest in potty training (using rewards, fancy new pants, the joy of being ‘big’ etc) when they obviously have control and knowledge over their bowels and bladder, but not always.

You can never potty train a child that has no control of or prior knowledge of their bladder and bowel movements.

There are clues as to whether your child is aware that they are weeing or pooping. They may notice after the event and ask you to change a nappy. They may become distracted and stop talking while they poop. But these are not always signs that they know it’s coming, or that they can stop it happening and wait, even for a few seconds!

The signs too look for are those of forward planning! Is your toddler hiding before they poo or wee? Do they clutch at themselves before they wee?, can they ask to go to the potty or the bathroom? (this doesn't have to be verbal, just as long as it's clear and you understand)

If you think your little one is showing some signs you can give potty training a go. If it doesn’t work in a week my own opinion is give it a rest and try again in a couple of months.

Tips to potty/toilet train/teaching

• Let you child see you use the toilet. Talk about weeing and pooping, maybe get some books! The Little Princess "I want my Potty" or Father Christmas needs a Wee for example.

• Get a potty for their doll, if the doll wees even better! Play at potties. Let them be the parent and explain it to the doll.

• Buy some ‘big child’ pants. I don’t hold with pull ups and the like, I’m old fashioned I know, but wee trickling down your leg is a fine reminder that you are weeing and helps the young mind get a grasp much faster with what is happening in my opinion.

• I also favour the all or nothing approach. Nappies at bedtime is fine but once in pants in the day, when awake, stick to it. No nappy because you are popping out! You need to help your child and different rules at different times are likely to confuse and upset.

• Have lots of potties. Seriously buy lots, at the very least have one upstairs and one down. But ideally one in every room. Leave books by them. Remind your child almost hourly to have a try for a wee, read to them or let them read so it’s not boring as they sit, but don’t make them sit for ages! Praise them like a crazed person when they get it right! Say ‘oops, better luck next time’ and clean up quickly when they get it wrong.

• Take a potty with you when you go out, stash one in the car, under the pram, a folding one in your bag…always have one to hand, little kids can’t wait long – your new super power needs to be producing a potty in a blink! (DD once used hers in the middle of Sainsbury’s – many people are now thinking ‘how disgusting’ but it was that or a puddle! And at the time, no one complained and I removed potty etc with calm and haste)

• Summer time is best – spend a lot of time in the garden!

I was lucky with DD she was only about 18 months when she decided ‘big girl pants’ were the way forward and she was dry in a week. I know this isn’t always the case. As I said, talk to your child, plan when you are going to give it a go, if they don’t get it in a week, or at least start to improve and have fewer accidents, give it up. Tell your child you’ll try again in a while. Wait a few months. It will happen.

• Try to remain relaxed.
• Buy some carpet cleaner.
• And some wine.
• Good Luck.

Disclaimer – I have only potty trained one child, the perfect DD, and this was 13 years ago, but my advice stands...and you don't have to take it, that's how advice works.

Photo copyright  : https://www.123rf.com/profile_mitarart

Scream Time

sorry no, not scream, screen...or maybe I was right the first time.

We (not the royal we, I do have a husband) have settled on what we consider appropriate screen time for our soon to be teen daughter.

We are not a family that watches much TV, we have never watched before 4pm and as adults we tend not to sit down to watch until about 9pm and we go to bed at 10pm so we are not square eyed. We also try to be discerning in what we watch, sticking to a few dramas (no soaps, no reality tv) and some nature, or history or art and culture stuff.

We have a child though and she is less discerning, loving many comedies, kids shows, reality stuff, whatever and while we try and restrict times and ensure the TV is not actually unsuitable we let her get on with it. For a while we even tried total derestriction (during the summer holiday) hoping she'd get bored and it would lose the attraction, this didn't work, she pretty much watched every waking hour and moaned if we asked her to leave the house with us at any time!

So now we have a fairly strict regime of timings, less TV in the week and never more than 2 hours a day. (screen time is not just TV it includes computer/wii time too but often computer time is actually youtube or iplayer time!) and for a while that seemed to go well but lately the times for TV are seen as a right, an entitlement, with arguments that TV comes first, before chores, before homework. Behaviour is getting worse too and while I know teens do have the whole struggle with hormones ... it all seems so TV orientated.

I guess what I wonder is what you do? How can we cope? Are we unfair? What is normal? Do we seem too strict or not strict enough? Is there ever an excuse for rudeness?

I totally adore DD but some days I can see why some animals eat their young!

Help!

The Zoo, Herons and Vosene

You will recall that I have blogged about nits and headlice on occasion. I have a child and therefore it seems, I cannot go through life with out scratching and combing and nitty nora style exploring sometimes.

I'm assuming that this obsession with the louse is what led the lovely people at Vosene to find my blog. I had a giveaway a while ago for their Tea Tree oil shampoo that is designed to fool and repel the wee bitey beasties and so far it seems to be working......

But not content with the shampoo sample those sweet people at Vosene invited me (and some other lovely mummies) to London Zoo to see the new products in the range, some new products that are on the drawing board (I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you) and to tell us of their fantastic new competition, because if there is one thing that Vosene love (nearly as much as they love clean hair!) it's FAMILIES

So if you would like to WIN an enormous prize for you and your family do pop over to their site and join in, lots of smaller prizes too.

I would like to thank Vosene for a fab day, there were things to do for the kids, food (CAKE!) and then a lovely wander around London Zoo afterwards.

Herons in Regents Park

Boo Hiccup the Magician - DD was enthralled by the close up magic while @PippaD's wee boy giggled like a loon at the 'naughty ferret' LOL

There was dressing up

More Magic

Cookie Decorating (and eating)

Cake!

and animals of all shapes and sizes!

Perils of the older child and Sleep Overs

I wrote some time ago now about being Nemo's Dad and the protective neurotic you become when you have a child. How it's a fine line between protection and stifling a child, and how hard it can be to find a balance.

Now my DD is 11 years old. She walks to school alone, she goes to call for friends alone, she goes to the shops alone. She also still does a lot of things with us as a family. She has yet to catch a bus or a train alone for example.

When I was 11 I did all these things too. And also, now she is older, she has friends where we don't know the parents. Not don't know them very well, but don't know them at all, have never seen them, don't even know their names.

So last night a long phone call from a friend resulted in 'Mum can I go for a sleep over at Ophelia's house?' (names changed to protect the innocent) and I stopped and thought.........

well why not, she goes out a lot by herself, she plays with this girl at school....

but....

I don't know the family, at all. I have never met the mum, I have never seen the house, I don't even know where it is! DH has seen the house once when he gave Ophelia a lift home from a tea at our house once (her mum obviously trusts US!) but that's it. 

I guess I just need to ring the mum and confirm the arrangements and try and assess from a phone call that all will be OK.

I asked on Twitter what people thought. And in response to a Question - Would you allow your 11yo daughter to go for a sleepover with parents you didn't know? and if not how would you go about 'vetting' those parents? I got many and varied answers! ranging from

Never! I would have to know the parents well

No, I would meet them over coffee first

I would ring them and chat on the phone.

I would facebook them (I don't have facebook and besides that I don't know the mum's name!)

to

Yeah, there comes an age when you can't know all the parents

Yeah if she's happy to go

Yes it will be fine, just check the mum knows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I'm none the wiser, I guess that DD will go, I guess there will be a phone call, I guess all will be fine. What would you do?

Ranty Ranty Rant (in which our hero rants)

So NetMums has annoyed me. An article in the news says that they did a survey and mothers admitted to ‘lying’ about how much quality time they spend with their kids, what they cook and feed their children and how much TV they allow kids to watch. Etc etc

The reason for this lying is apparently to keep up with other parents, and the moral is that we can all relax as everyone is lying.

This makes me angry on 2 counts. Number 1 is pretty obvious to anyone that knows me and it’s because I don’t lie, and neither does my hubby, I include him because he’s the stay at home parent in our house, he’s the one that cooks DDs meals from scratch (I recently taught him Bolognese sauce! LOL) and he’s the one that sits with DD to do homework, the one that helps, encourages and listens while she practices her clarinet. I’m the one that drives her to horse riding, bakes muffins with her, takes her to her music lessons ( and yes, I admit it – we have middle class pursuits and you know what? I don’t care!) which leads me on to the second reason it annoys me. (to be fair, it annoys NetMums too and it’s part of what the are saying but not all, because they are happy to assume everyone lies, which as I’ve pointed out, they don’t!)

I’m annoyed because of the reason parents supposedly feel compelled to lie. Once again it’s to feel good about themselves. Parents that lie are lying because they see their parenting as substandard, and they lie to sound closer to the ideal parent. Well here is a newsflash

THERE IS NO PERFECT PARENT

Really, we are all learning and all our kids are different , we, and they, are all individuals. Maybe your kid watches TV from when they get in until bedtime every day, maybe you are a vegetarian and they only eat organic, maybe you breastfed for 6 years or you formula fed from birth, maybe you work and your kid goes to breakfast club, maybe your 11yo has a TV in the bedroom or you have no TV in the house. IT DOESN’T MATTER!! We all love our kids, we all do the best we can for them and for us. As Janet street Porter said today on Radio 4 “There is your way and there is the wrong way” there is always someone ready to bash your choices, always a ‘study’ somewhere to show you are ‘parenting wrongly’ so get a grip, DON’T LIE be proud that you are a parent, a parent who may struggle, may yell, may use the TV as a babysitter so you can get time for a shower, a parent that may (shock) allow a toddler to share your bed because it means you all get to sleep. Whatever you do, if it works for you and your child be proud of it! Stop lying! 

Admit you are awesome. You are mainly awesome because you read to the end of this ranty piece of crap. Now like my Facebook page and you will explode with awesomeness

Camping in the Spring or Summer

We had a chat on twitter (which rapidly got out of control as these things do!) about a few of us getting together for a camping trip. Maybe in the spring or the summer holidays for a weekend or even longer. As my daughter is at school it needs to be holiday time. I suggested The Camping and Caravanning Club site at Norman's Bay, Pevensey and this idea met with approval from the people I hoped it would. While the idea of a 'twentup' took off across twitter I held firm to my ideals of a few of us having a wee get together with kids, beer and wine, and maybe a sausage or two.

If you need more info contact me via my contact page. (Contactify Link here)  Would be nice to actually make this happen.

And if you can't come to this event but see folk near you on the '#twentup' tag - let them know you are keen and organise more camping trips, you can't have too many tenting trips!

 

National Camping & Caravanning Week (#NCCW)

May 30 to June 5 this year The Big Pitch!!

Meet up at Norman's Bay - anytime during this Big Pitch Week!!

Nitty Nora returns! (in the guise of......me!)

A year ago I wrote about Nits and my nostalgia of Nitty Nora the school nit nurse (read the posts here)

Now I have a new post on the same itchy subject, (timely too as David Tennant was dealing with the same crisis last night on the BBC in Episode 4 of Single Father) so are you scratching yet?

Imagine little creatures with sharp clingy feet crawling on your head and neck to lay a sticky egg at the base of each hair, imagine the little babies hatching and nibbling on your scalp.....now are you scratching?

I was contacted by Vosene about some new products they are promoting. They have a repellent shampoo and detangle spray, also a hair gel (not repellent to humans! to lice! obviously) they also have a new website for parents and carers to share information on where the wee beasties are lurking! Nitwatch!

All sounds like a plan! forewarned is forearmed and all that.....

So then I was asked to try the product.....

We received a sample of the shampoo and the detangle spray (great as DD has very long fine hair) and we used them both for the first time last week. 

Now obviously it's a 'repellant' so I can't tell you if it works or not unless I know she's exposed to nits, and as far as I know at her age (10)  it's getting less likely (why do they like little kids? can it really be the cuddle factor? the fact they play close? I don't believe that as DD is just as 'head-to-head' with her friends now, maybe even more so than she was when she was small) but I can tell you it smells quite 'medicinal' is easy to use and leaves her long hair very shiny. The ingredients include many of the usual things you associate with repelling head lice, Eucalyptus Oil, Tea Tree Oil and lemon grass for example, it also has soothing camomile. The detangling spray is great between washes, having the same smell and (presumably) repellent affect with the added bonus of helping get rid of tangles.

So what's with nits? Do your kids still get lice? have you had them? Do they still sweep through a school? Do you suspect some parents just 'give up' as it's too hard to get rid of the little beasts (the lice not the kids!)? Do you give up?

Maybe this shampoo and spray could help the busy and the lazy as well as the obsessive parent! We shall see, and if you'd like to try the shampoo, just leave a comment with your worst/most gruesome/funniest lice/nit story and I'll see you get to try it*, because I've been promised samples will be sent out to the best 20 tales of woe left here  :-)

*UK only, comments to be left by 15th November 2010

Wean me gently, a poem about breastfeeding..................

This is a poem by Cathy Cardall it was brought to my attention by @radicalactivist -  and I love it and wanted to share! (it made me all weepy at the end)

Wean me gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

Inappropriate Touching

now before you all say "Ooh love that" would you really? proper 'invade your space' inappropriate touching?

It came to my mind because in one week, two of my online friends were touched or had their children touched without permission.

Item one
Imagine, you are struggling with shopping, and a baby that you are hoisting into position in your sling, your dress is a little caught up (always happens) and you plan to get everything sorted, adjust your dress and get on with your day when....... a strange man grabs the dress, at the back, grazing his hand across your bum, and YANK, sorts it for you, ripping it in the process!

Item two
Imagine, you are in the store, your youngest is having a tantrum because you won't buy her sweets, you are just about to pay, you have your hands full, the child is now laying at your feet yelling, you ignore her for a moment so you can pay and sort the groceries when..........a stranger PICKS HER UP and hands her in your direction saying "is this your child?"!

Now to some, both of those occasions could be construed as 'trying to help' maybe they were, maybe they weren't but in both cases the women concerned were upset and then angry.

So, think, is inappropriate touching something you could be guilty of? here's an idea - use your mouth before your hands! (sounds like foreplay advice but stay with me)

When I was little I was told in shops to "look with your eyes, not with your hands" to avoid breaking things. As an adult I propose we try "help with your mouth, not with your hands" In other words ASK if the person needs help. They may be grateful, they may say 'no thanks'. But they won't be upset and angry.

Back to Item One - "do you need a hand with that?" "thanks but no, I do it all the time - I can manage, thanks for asking"

Item two - "Would you like me to help?" "Thanks you, could you just help with my groceries so I can comfort my child?"

sorted

Ask people

don't grab