What to look for when buying a new washing machine

At the weekend my washing machine packed up. The drum just stopped going around. Water fill and empty was fine. Just no movement. I took the back off to check it wasn't something simple like the drive belt (did you know a washing machine drum has a drive belt? It's like the one in the vacuum cleaner so I had high hopes of donning a morphsuit and fixing it, but sadly the drive belt was fine). I fear the motor had finally died. It is not really surprising, we use the machine (an Indesit) a lot and have had it for 15 years. It was a replacement for a Hotpoint one that caught fire one Christmas morning...but that's another story...

Anyway, the broken machine led to me looking at new ones. I assumed they would have changed a bit in 15 years so I decided to take a good look at the information available. It made sense to look online as I'm not fit enough to get a washing machine home myself so it would have to be delivered anyway, and online you can usually find more information, often even read the full manual.

Things that were important to us as a family, were

• Size. The washing machine needed to fit to gap in our breakfast bar. I would love a laundry room, but sadly (Americans should look away now lest they are filled with disgust) we have the washing machine in the kitchen. 
• Economy, I wanted an energy efficient machine that used the least water to get a clean wash. 
• Price, we had a budget of £300. Ideally I'd like to get the old machine taken away and a new machine delivered and plumbed in for that budget. As Mr TM is in his 70s and I have some disability issues neither of us is really up for manhandling a washing machine into place or scrabbling about to get all the pipes sorted.

I hadn't reckoned with all the modern stuff that I didn't need! I quickly realised I did not need a wifi enabled machine or one that could be controlled via a smartphone. Since the fire incident we don't leave the washing machine on when we are out, so remote controlled seemed pointless. All machines seemed to also have a delay timer, but as even starting it while we all sleep fills Mr TM with foreboding we didn't really need this option either. One thing we did use a lot on our old machine was the quick wash though. A 15 minute freshen up wash, so that went onto the list.

I looked on a few websites, Curry's, AO and Argos. And started narrowing down my choice. I wasn't especially fussed about brand. Our current drum size is 6kg so while bigger would be nice, that is fine for us.
Most sites let you filter and sort by a few options, so I checked boxes for quick wash and price and top efficiency.
AO were very helpful on social media and suggested a machine that looked really nice, large drum size and a good choice or programs. Sadly it turned out to be too large for our gap, but I thought I'd take a look at the same model with a smaller drum size (and thus a smaller depth) , I had a look at the manual online, which turned out to be a really good idea. Washing machine manufacturers give you information on cycle lengths for a basic 60 degree wash so you can compare. This machine had a basic wash time at 60 degrees of 270 minutes...I paused, and looked again...how long?! 270 minutes (for those without a calculator or maths brain is 4 and a half hours) there was an option to make the wash shorter, reducing it to 267 minutes. Crikey. Basic washing cycle length hadn't been in my essentials list but suddenly it was! (by the way if you don't care about washing cycle length and have space then the Haier range looks absolutely excellent!)

I asked on social media to see if I was odd, did anyone else look at cycle length? was this long time normal? did anyone care?

Me too! I bought a Zanussi in a sale. Regular 30 degree wash is nearly 3 hours, ‘quick’ wash is an hour. That’s as fast as it gets. The supposed eco friendly wash takes approx 4 hours! Damn thing. I’ll check in future!

— AJ (@eden2636) 24 June 2018

I didn’t look when I bought my last one but will definitely look next time because it takes far too long. 2 hours on a full and 1 hour on a “fast”. So frustrating. All stuff you just don’t think about. I’ll also be buying one with an extra spin mode so stuff comes out less wet.

— You can call me Al. Call me Al. (@UnicornNebula) 24 June 2018

I don’t check but so wish I had! My shortest wash is an hour and and half 😬. Only had the machine a couple of years and im thinking of changing it.

— Joanne Powell (@Joanne_Powell) 24 June 2018

Various answers came back about economy but on the whole people were shocked! Several said they would always now look in future.

I wish I bloody had checked. Our new machine takes about 4 days to finish a cycle.

— Dr Emma Beckett (@Dr_EmmaB) 24 June 2018

I noticed that few websites mentioned specific cycle lengths except the quick washes, which varied from 30 to 15 minutes depending on machine.  As we don't leave the house with the machine on, 4 and half hours would be a real tie, and imagine trying to get a couple of washes done on a good drying day (we don't have a tumble drier) !

So the search continued until I finally found the (almost) perfect machine...another Indesit! Pretty much the identical one to the one we have now, except with an LED countdown display and a delay timer. The washing cycle for a full load at 60 degrees is 200 minutes, still a long time but the manual says most wash cycles are 45 minutes. (note the full wash at 60 is a standard hot wash for comparison and may not be the actual time a wash takes, but it does give an idea, and as I said, it's good for comparing like with like)

The washing machine is being delivered on Wednesday and being installed by AO. I'll let you know how it goes. And what a basic wash time turns out to be in reality! The total cost of washing machine, delivery, installation and removal of the old one? £264

Do please comment with what you find useful to check when buying a new washing machine! If they all last as well as mine has then it's not something we do often and it's a good idea to refresh yourself on what to look for before you buy!

Not a sponsored post - just a chatty one about washing machines.

Temporary Car Insurance for your newly qualified teenage driver

So your teen has passed their driving test! Yippee! they can take you home from parties, ferry you to the pub, share the driving on holiday ... oh wait... you do know that you need to sort out the car insurance right?

On the very moment they pass their test, they are no longer insured to drive the family car they've been cheerfully practicing in! Yes a quick call to the insurance provider is needed.

In our case Raffy had been driving my Fiat Panda, not a well known sports car or hot hatch, and it had raised my insurance to have her on the policy from £200 a year, to £400.
So it was with some surprise to find that upon passing her test the insurance now rose to £4000.

After some clutching at my chest and deep breathing, I went to a few comparison sites to look around, I did finally find insurance at as little (as little! *bitter laugh*) as £1500 a year, but as Raffy tends to only use the car for about an hour a week to drive to and from college, this seemed excessive. So it looked like her driving days were numbered.

That's when I remembered a product I'd heard of that enabled people to drive your car with a temporary insurance, literally an hour at a time if necessary. It was sold to me at the time as festival driving insurance "giving a mate a lift? why not share the driving to and from the festival" but I realised this might be useful for newly qualified teenage drivers too.

I took a look at Cuvva as it was the first one I had heard of, but it turned out they wouldn't insure drivers under 19. As Raffy isn't 19 for a good while yet I had a hunt about. And I found Veygo. Underwritten by Admiral Insurance it enables you to insure a car for anything from an hour to...well a month or so if you like (perfect when your student comes home for summer from University and wants to borrow dad's wheels) . And as it's done via an app you can even do it on the go. They insure learners too!

I used it for the first time this Monday, and it seems pretty simple to use. You take pictures of the car (if you forget to do that and then need to claim, your excess will be higher) and then fill in the info on the app and it's all good, the policy documents are emailed to you immediately (Mr TM and I joked that Veygo should sponsor Police Interceptors as one of the major crimes seems to be young lads driving uninsured, for only £17 or so they could escape a fine or worse!)

I insured Raffy for 24 hours as she wanted to car late in the evening, Veygo stipulate that for insurance after 10pm and before 5am it must be 24 hrs minimum, but even then it was only £26. For day time only on a Saturday the cost was more like £17. All in all a cheaper option than £1000, as she doesn't have her own car, and is now using mine only occasionally.

So there you go, my top tip. Try out temporary car insurance to ensure your new driver doesn't forget how to drive! Veygo even say you can earn a years no claims discount if you use the app for driving more than 30 days in a year!

Top Ten Things about letting your Border Terrier off the leash

I have a Border Terrier, she is 18 months old and her name is Fizz, you can read more about her here (*with tiny puppy photos!) and also here (*with training tips)

Fizz is my 3rd BT and all of them have been exercised off leash, all had/have pretty good recall. Many breeeders will tell you that BTs can never run free and are not safe off leash. So this post is my own view on the subject.

It's worth noting that American and UK views on dog's off leash vary greatly, and that some councils and many UK areas, such as beaches and common land, have rules about allowing dogs off leash. Dogs should never be off leash on a pavement near a road.

Assuming you are allowed to have a dog off leash...here are my top ten tips.

1. No dog and especially not a border terrier will ever be 100% 'safe' off leash. Dogs are not robots, however much you train, however good their recall, there may come a day that something you could not have planned for will happen, a car will backfire and scare your pup, a bitch in heat will be walking nearby, a squirrel will dash out from a bush right in front of your dog....This list will help but it can't make off leash a safe, risk-free pass time.
2. Until you have some confidence in your pup consider a long leash, not a flexi that you keep hold of, though they can be useful, but a long line of the sort used to lunge horses. We bought a 12 foot line in wide (less chance of a burn if it whips around your leg) purple (nice and clear to see against the grass). A long trailing line has many benefits. People can see your dog is learning. You don't have to get close to your pup if their attention is on another dog. Other people can easily grab the leash or step on it if you shout out! And it will get tangled on something if the dog does decide to try and bolt.
3. Choose a car free fenced area if you can for the first few months of off leash fun. A dog park is ideal or a recreation ground if dogs are allowed there. (always clear up after your dog) Visit regularly so that your dog doesn't have to 'explore' each time, if your dog knows an area it will be less likely to roam around.
4. Practice recall. It seems obvious but lots and lots of practice! Find out what your dog likes best, cheese, sausage, or a squeaky toy and make that the reward. Let your dog run and play but call it back often, treat and release. If your dog isn't coming back, use the long line! Make your dog return if you call or it will learn to disobey! Especially practice recall when your dog is interacting with other dogs, your dog must learn you are the boss, this takes time, but Fizz has finally sussed it.
5. Never punish a dog when it returns to you. No matter what your dog has done, ignored you, humped your friends chihuahua, eaten a kid's ice cream, it doesn't matter, coming back to you must always by good! You don't want to teach a dog that a return to you gets it yelled at or (shudder) hit. (Don't hit your dog)
6. Find a friend and walk far apart, take it in turns to call the dog for treats or a game, make your terrier work at watching and listening to see who will call, make it fun.
7. Consider having your pet neutered or spayed. Unless your dog is a show dog and destined for great things, have it 'done'. A girl will no longer have the desire to escape and be shagged twice a year and your boy will find he no longer has the urge to mount everything in sight, he will lose some aggression too and will be less interested in bitches in season. When we had a boy his recall became 90% more consistent after he was neutered.
8. Check your surroundings before allowing your dog off leash. Never let your dog off near roads. Keep dogs on leads where there is livestock of any kind. (one of my previous dogs was a chicken killer - he was proud of this, I was not. The farmer was extremely nice about it and we were very lucky and learned a big lesson!) Keep your terrier on a lead if they may be fox dens or badger sets about. Keep dogs on leads on cliff top walks (do not assume your dog is clever enough not to run over the edge)
9. Don't wait til the end of a walk to call your dog. Call your terrier often, treat often and pop your dog back onto the lead a few times, before releasing it again, during a walk, don't make recall and lead = the end of fun!
10. Don't feel bad if your dog has poor recall even if you've followed all the tips. Dogs vary in personality and some will be more biddable than others. Also dogs can have 'relapses' in training, especially during their 'teenage' years at around 2 years old. Keep practising, resort back to the long line or use a flexi.

Do you walk your dog(s) off leash? Any good advice I've missed? I'd love a comment below or on Facebook/Twitter (Links in the sidebar >>)

How to stop a puppy chewing your stuff

 

I joked last year when we got a new puppy that I was a puppy expert. Now one year on I'm starting to think maybe I'm just a really lucky puppy buyer!

We got our first puppy before we had DD, back in the 1990s and he was a pedigree border terrier called Diesel. He was my first dog (discounting family dogs when I was a child as they were always fun but rarely my responsibility) He was the runt of the litter, so small and cute I couldn't resist him, (since choosing him I have been told by many people that's a terrible choice, a terrible reason to pick a dog and temperament is everything). He was from fairly good lines but his breeder was not in the 'show world' and his mum was a pet.

We bought a million things for our new 'baby', a dog crate (cage) which was a new idea at the time, an American idea that was rather frowned on here but has since caught on. We bought stair gates and leads, bowls, balls, chew toys, treats, squeaky toys, rope toys, soft toys and throw toys. We had a house full of puppy stuff!

We got our pup in the summer as I was assured that housetraining was easier when you could leave doors open and the puppy would be happier to go out in nice weather and do you know what...it worked! It all worked, Diesel didn't chew shoes, he never nibbled furniture, he didn't touch what wasn't his. After the first night he didn't whine at bed time, he housetrained quickly with few accidents.

When we bought Jeep three years later we followed the same plan, we bought her from a show breeder this time and were matched by temperament, she was crated at night and when we were out, she had an abundance of toys of all sorts so she never bothered with our stuff, she learned faster than Diesel too, because she had him to copy.

Last year, after we had been dogless for over 3 years we realised we needed another and a third border terrier entered our lives. Once again we chose the early summer, Once again we followed the same pattern. Again I picked an established dog breeder. Once again we used a dog crate, bought WAY too many toys. We have stair gates and rules (which have become slightly more relaxed as Miss Fizz is such a stubborn little princess who demands lap time!) but once again we have a dog that doesn't chew things she shouldn't, who I can leave alone with shoes, or handbags, with books and newspapers and she just ignores them.

Butter wouldn't melt....

Fizz was a nippy biter of hands, trouser legs and anything that moved when she was a couple of months old, but while at the time the tiny teeth drawing blood at every opportunity seemed like it would last for ever, looking back we really only had a few weeks of it until she realised she was hurting us and her 'mouthing' during play became soft.

Is the secret a million chew toys and the firm explanation (Via a stern "No" when she nosed anything not hers) ? Is it breeding? Or breed?  or have we just been lucky?

I see so many other blog posts about dogs and puppies destroying school shoes, eating children's toys, ripping up library books and chewing through charging cables that I begin to wonder if there is a secret to it. Fizz even has her own ipad game, and as soon as she sees me open the ipad she swipes at the screen to find her game (I'm not even joking, she's addicted - you can find the dog game for ipad here) and she never bites or chews at our electrical stuff.

So purely from our experience, top tips for not getting your stuff chewed are:

• Don't leave a small puppy alone with anything it could chew that it shouldn't.
• Don't leave a puppy alone with children, they are rubbish at  supervising puppies.
• Crate your puppy when you can't be there.
• Buy loads of toys, ensure lots of different types, soft, hard, noisy, etc
• Never give a puppy anything of yours, even if it's old (shoes etc) as the puppy won't know what is his and what is yours.
• Be firm if the pup tries to touch what is yours.
• Encourage the pup to play and destroy his own stuff. Buy some cheap toys he can shred for fun.
• If you encourage your puppy to shred paper for fun, no book or newspaper will ever be safe again. (ditto plant pots - Fizz does destroy plastic plant pots but we keep them out of reach unless we have decided she can 'help' with the gardening)

"I iz allowed to chew this, it iz mine"

Do you have any top tips to prevent dogs chewing what they shouldn't? And has your dog ever demolished something it should have left well alone?

My Family and Other Animals - Ellie

This week we are hearing from Adam, and his new acquisition, Ellie...So Adam, tell us who Ellie is and why she arrived in your home, and of course, how that is working out...

When we got a puppy this year, people thought we were mad. Three boys (one a toddler), 3 jobs, a busy household and illness; all the signs were there that we shouldn’t be doing this. We ourselves had agreed that we wouldn’t get a dog until our youngest was five years old and a taller. But we did it anyway.

Why?

Well a couple of things. Firstly was the aforementioned illness. Every few years, I suffer from re-occurring bouts of depression and 2016 was a particularly bad year for me. I think my wife and I thought some kind of therapy dog would be good for me. Even though I struggled to get out of bed and doing ANYTHING was a challenge, was I really up to looking after a dog, training her, feeding her,  walking her etc? It would certainly give me something to concentrate on other than how I was feeling (but then again shouldn’t the kids already do that)?

I’d always wanted an English Springer Spaniel after spending time with an ex’s 15 yrs earlier and when a puppy became available from a breeder living in the road behind us, it seemed like fate. Duly collected, my kids of course fell in love immediately before the novelty wore off after a few days and it all fell back to me.

So how has it gone in the five months since?

Honestly, we didn’t realise how hard it would be raising a puppy. And expensive (between 1-2k a year). They’re like toddlers but with added teeth (used for exploring everything) and have boundless energy. She’s stripped all the wallpaper off in the back room, chewed through the skirting boards and chomped through a live wire amongst other things. Training is nowhere as easy as the books make it out to be, my middle child won’t have anything to do with her (although he’s mellowing - and you often catch him stroking and talking to Ellie when he thinks nobody is looking), my smallest loves her but you have to be careful, and my wife slightly resents her taking up so much of my time (although she’s mellowing and you often catch her stroking and talking to Ellie when she thinks nobody is looking).

Oh and did I mention the lakes of wee?  Every time she sees you, or you stroke her or something really exciting happens, she does an excited wee. She can’t help it, just pray she’s not sitting on you when she does it. I’m reliably told she’ll grow out of it.

In short, if we knew all this before hand we probably wouldn’t have got a dog right now. All our reasons for waiting were well founded.

But is it all hardship and bad news? Certainly not. She’s a part of the family now and it wouldn’t be the same without her.

She’s certainly helped both my mental and physical health. My depression is virtually gone (for now), all that dog walking has increased my stamina, forced me to get out into the fresh air every day and basically re-examine my priorities.  For the first time in a long time I’m beginning to see my weight drop. And the dog training? Well it’s actually training me to be more patient with both the dog AND my children. And this is a big secret. I’M USING THE PUPPY TRAINING TECHNIQUES ON MY KIDS...AND IT’S WORKING. Sorry guys.

Lastly, Ellie’s a big cuddler and there’s nothing better than an oversize dog jumping on your lap for a cuddle and an affirmation each day. She needs it as much as I do.  She brightens my day, every day and a happier me is making for a happier family. That can only be a good thing.

You can follow Ellie on instagram here

Big thanks to sharing your story - and I'm glad that despite the teeth (oh God, the teeth!) you have stuck with it - it does indeed get easier - no really....well OK a bit. Fizz is nearly one year old now! I can look back and barely recall the horror of wet puddles in the hall, and she no longer bites everything in sight!

What is the cost of a dog in the first year?

I've seen a lot of websites showing the average costs of getting a dog, but they are all a bit vague "You could spend this, you might spend that, you could buy this, you might buy that" so I thought I'd look at what Fizz has cost us in her first year.

First things first, Fizz is a border terrier. She was bought from a Kennel Club breeder, she has a good pedigree, we met her in her house with her mum where she was born and grew up, and she was microchipped (according to law) when we collected her. She was 9 weeks old.

Like most puppies she had been regularly wormed by the breeder before we got her, but she had not yet started her vaccinations against common puppy diseases.

Price of pedigree pup = £700

Our first few costs were the preparations for a pup in the house.

2 x stairgates = £23 each

1 x dog cage = £55

1 x dog bed £10

Multiple dog toys = £15

Collar, leads, harness, dog coat = £40

Dog insurance = £132 per year

Fizz arrived with food from the breeder but she rapidly taught us that she didn't like kibble, so we switched her to Butchers puppy food cans. (She's a tripe hound)

Canned dog food = 60p per day (£219 per year)

Dog Treats = £3 per month (£36 per year)

Poop Bags = £1 month (£12 per year)

Dog bowls, cleaning products, puppy wee pads, dog blanket = £50

She had a check up with our vet when she arrived and was started on her puppy vaccinations.

Vet visit and vaccination course = £79

During her first few months she managed to break a tooth while leaping and biting! We did not take her to the vet, but took the 'wait and see' approach. The milk tooth eventually fell out and was replaced. Win! Cost? £0

Unfortunately she also decided to rip out a claw while playing....much blood and whimpering ensured a trip to the vet at the cost of....

Claw removal and pain relief = £50 (under our insurance policy excess)


Time passed and nothing untoward happened until....Fizz escaped from an open door while she was in season! Although she was found unharmed very quickly, she had been out and about for over an hour, so we decided she should have the dog version of the 'morning after' pill. This is an injection to prevent pregnancy and is almost 100% effective. Sadly it is not cheap.

Anti-pregnancy injection = £130 (didn't claim on the insurance, not sure if 'owner stupidity' is covered)


Oh how could I forget, Fizz also got a urine infection (initially we thought her housetraining had failed big time!) and an eye infection.

Urine test, vet appointment, Antibiotics = £90 (policy excess is £99 obviously)

And of course she continues to need worm and parasite prevention each month

parasite treatments = £10 per month (£120 per year)

At 10 months we had Fizz spayed, cheaper than more escapes! Fizz was sold to us on a non breeding contract (which means none of her offspring, pedigree or not could be registered with the Kennel Club) and we are not breeders (have you any idea of the costs of that!) so we were happy to have her 'done'

Spaying = £216

And so here we are, Fizz is almost a year old, and we have managed to spend the amazing total of

£2000

and they say kids are expensive...

You may be wondering why we didn't claim on the dog insurance, well the truth is that there is a minimum we have to pay before we can claim and to keep the cost down we set that fairly high, and some things, spaying, routine vaccinations etc are not covered anyway.

You may also be wondering why we bother at all! Well she's worth it, making us laugh every day, snuggling with us every evening and generally being a loved member of the family.

Do you have a dog? Have you ever dared look at how much it's costing you??

My Family and other animals - our story

Once upon a time a family bought a dog. They didn't plan to have children so a dog seemed a nice way to have that patter of tiny feet. The dog in question was a border terrier named Diesel. He settled into the home as puppies do and soon was the darling baby of the family.

He was happy to lounge about the house or spend all day in the countryside. Flexible with his exercise he was the perfect house pet. Equally up for a cuddle or a run in the garden, or just a snooze in front of the TV. And so time passed.

Then the family decided to have a child after all. But what about the darling baby dog? Wouldn't he resent a mewling squealing baby? Wouldn't he feel annoyed at being banished from some rooms, and from furniture? The family thought about this a lot. And when the mummy was 4 months pregnant, and just starting to get a little bump, they decided to buy a puppy, something to keep Diesel busy when the baby came.

And so Jeep arrived. A small bundle of excited nipping, widdling fun. A border terrier like Diesel, she spent the next month or so annoying him until he loathed her. They had to be kept apart for fear he would hurt the new tiny pup. But just as the family was starting to think they would never get on...they became best buddies, well maybe not that, but he tolerated her and she adored him.

So this story is about me and my dogs obviously. When DD was born both dogs seemed fairly relaxed about the whole thing, a few sniffs at the new baby and then they carried on as before. We had stair gates, playpens and dog cages so that everyone was kept safe. The dogs grew to love and protect DD.

When DD was almost in her teens both dogs got ill, Jeep first with a brain tumor and she left us in 2011 and then later Diesel left us in 2013, he had became old and forgetful and had other health issues. After losing them both we waited 3 years, 3 long quiet and mud-free years, before deciding to get another dog.

We first looked at rescue, since DD was grown up, but were told that there were no dogs suitable for us (I know - we were rather surprised too) and so we located a puppy, a border terrier of course, and now we have Fizz the queen of the house!

I found that having a puppy with a baby was no worse than having a puppy with a teen. Puppies are hard work, they need time, patience, and cleaning up after - they also need training! but it's lovely to have a dog in the house again.

See more about Fizz in this post, after she'd been here a week, and here after 6 months.

My Family and Other Animals - The story of Dollar

It's time for a new story of a family that chose to add a pet to their family after they had children. Everyone loves a puppy but sadly getting a puppy doesn't always work out exactly as planned, partly because puppies are not all cute and fluffy loveliness, they are also high energy monsters with sharp teeth, demanding personalities and the capability to pee everywhere. So let us step into another families shoes and see what we can learn about choice and planning.

I’m Jodie, mum to a headstrong almost three year old and partner to my wonderful man, Andrew. We live in a second floor flat and once having our daughter and celebrating her second birthday, we felt as though something was missing. I’ve always grown up with dogs and Andrew has always wanted one, but his mum has a cat. After a log of nagging (sorry Andrew) and a lot of thought - we decided to research into what dogs are better for being kept in a flat. We had no intention on moving into a house any time soon, so we wanted a small furry friend that’ll enjoy being a part of our family. My mum and sisters are all severely allergic to cats, so that was ruled out of the equation.

So after a lot of thought and consideration we spoke to a lady about buying one of her new puppies. A chihuahua mix Jack Russell. We went to her house to see him and ended up taking him home there and then. He was absolutely tiny ( as you can see from the photos!) but we loved him and couldn’t wait to get him home and settled. We named him Dollar! That first night was HARD! I’m not sure what I had expected, but he cried the entire night and went to the toilet everywhere. I woke up after little sleep and the flat smelt so bad.

We trained him as best we could and took him for walks every day but something just didn’t feel right. I really struggled and although I loved having him, it was harder work than I had imagined. Daisy really didn’t like him. She would whinge and cry when he ran off with her toys, and she’d get frustrated when he jumped up at her. We decided it had to change. We tried training him as best as we could but we discovered he really just needed a garden and a larger space to run wild in.

Andrew’s lovely mum (who owns a cat!) took up the offer of seeing how he’d cope being at hers. It’s safe to say he LOVED it. He play fights with the cat a lot, but they secretly love each other. She has a large garden and has the door open the majority of the time, so it’s incredibly ideal for him. He has a much nicer life over there. I do miss him, but he is only a 7 minute drive away and I see him all the time. He recently turned one and he’s a right little character. He performs tricks for treats and show so much love and affection. We don’t know what the future holds in terms of his whereabouts. We know that rehoming a dog at a later stage in it’s life isn’t ideal, but we’d love for him to live with us when we have a garden. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it!

All in all, he’s a lovely little pup and a loved member of our family.

Thank you Jodie for sharing your story - it's true they are hard work and that not all dogs are good with small children, and I think you were brave to take on a puppy when you had no garden! It's great that you managed to sort such a good compromise with Dollar living with Andrew's mum, staying in your family. I shall look forward to seeing more photo's of him (he's adorably cute) and hearing how he gets on as he grows up.

Follow more of Jodie's family over on her blog.

And her Instagram: www.instagram.com/dearlittledaisy 

Baby sleep, would you consider controlled crying?

Why would anyone leave a baby to cry?

I did.

Would I do it again? Most probably not if the circumstances were the same, but in some circumstances, yes, yes I'd try it, and before you shout me down here's what I did, and why I would, or wouldn't do it again.

When DD was born (17 years ago!)  I was a novice mum. I didn't have a lot of close friends living near and none that had babies. All my school mates had moved away and none were married. My mum lived hundreds of miles away. The Internet existed but not with social media like it is today. I joined a small message board of mums, they were almost all American, everything from our 'diaper' choices to feeding methods were very different, though everyone was friendly. Mostly I bought some books and took advice from my midwives and health visitors (who were all lovely and really helpful btw)

When DD was born I was able to take a year off from work and Mr TM was already retired (and planning to be a SAHD and DD's main carer when I went back to work) so we had a whole year, just us and a baby (and 2 dogs). In the first few weeks I didn't get much sleep. Although Mr TM slept in a separate room (so he could be awake in the day and do lots of the chores, walk the dogs etc,) night feeds, in fact all feeds, were provided by my boobs so I had to be awake. Feeding on demand was recommended (quite rightly imo) at least in the first weeks to help milk supply. A feed could take an hour with a 2 hour nap after (for DD!)  and then more feeding, so you can imagine how tired a breastfeeding mum is, also she's making milk, in itself tiring - medals all round ladies!

Also anyone that tells you to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is an idiot. Do they suggest a quick nap in aisle 8 of Sainsbury? A 20 minute sleep while driving? A doze in the park while walking the dogs? You are using those 2 hour windows of sleeping baby to wash, eat, clean the house, chat to adults, just 'be'. 

 So by week six I was running on fumes. I had no idea at the time that I had Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease (which has the joyous side effect of making you more tired than 'normal' people, and making ordinary tasks more tiring still) so that may explain some of it, but what ever, by week 6, late one night as DD cried, after I'd tried feeding, changing, cuddles, singing, swearing, begging, crying (me not her)  I looked to books for advice and I read about letting babies cry.

In the 50s babies were encouraged to cry. It was 'good for their lungs', gave them some exercise, and, if done outside, got them some 'fresh air'. So it was with no surprise that I found many books that suggested the crying it out (CIO) method. This, apparently relied on checking everything was well with the baby, they were fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed and leaving them to it. They would eventually fall asleep.

Even in my desperate state this sounded a tad tragic! Poor little baby, no doubt it would sob itself through hysteria into exhaustion and then fall asleep. So it would work, but at what cost? And wouldn't the baby get more distressed at each consecutive bedtime? Knowing and learning that bed and pram was a lonely prison?  No CIO was not for me.

Then I read about the controlled Crying method (CC) controlled crying started the same way, check baby was fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed, but then not leaving them until they slept, but rather, settling them, saying a calm goodnight, and leaving, if they cried, waiting a minute before returning, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 2 minutes, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 3 minutes...and , well you get the picture. This I could cope with.

I tried it...the first night was hell. When your baby cries, a minute feels like about 30 years. You have been sitting staring at the clock for an eternity (a minute) and then you rush to the baby, soothe, settle, leave and repeat. I was more tired after the first night of CC than before I had tried it! (she eventually fell asleep after 10 minutes). The second night I tried again....she was asleep after  5 minutes, and the third night, she settled and went to sleep with no tears at all...and the most amazing thing was that she also slept all night (well from 11pm at last feed until 6am and first feed - but that's all night in my book!) And this continued. I had a six week old baby that just went to bed at 11pm and slept through! (I'm sorry if you hate me - I'm sure luck plays a huge part here too)

I was a changed woman. Days were fun again. I could walk the dogs, Mr TM and I could spend time (awake) together. I could do cooking and housework. A miracle.

But...would I do it again, probably not.

I think as I had a year off and a supportive husband at home I could have just weathered the lack of sleep for a few months until she gradually learned nighttime was no fun, and reserved for sleeping.

If circumstances were different however, if I had to go back to work, or had other children to care for in the day, or no husband at home, then yes, I think I would at least try it for a few days. I think that if the times were getting longer to take the baby to settle, I would stop. If after a few nights she still wasn't settled happily at bedtime, I'd stop. But I think for exhausted parents, with other things and other family to manage, who don't have the luxury of focusing totally on a new baby, then yes CC has a place.

The conclusion I've come to is that lots of things that are 'best for baby' don't take anyone else into consideration. It's nice of you can do what's 'best for baby' but there are other people in the house too, mum, dad (maybe 2 mums, 2 dads whatever, you get the picture) other children, and there may be a job you need to go to to have money to feed and clothe everyone. So sometimes, what is best for baby is a fully functioning household.

And so I don my flame suit and pop this (sure to be unpopular) opinion out onto the Internet. I'd love your comments.

The secret to a long and happy marriage

I am a marriage expert.

Haha obviously I'm not, I do not have a degree in marriage, and I've only had one marriage, so that makes me far from an expert. I expect Henry VIII was much more of an expert than I am. However the other day A Novice Mum asked me about the secret to being married for a long time.

You'll remember that Mr TM proposed in a casual but cute way, and that I had a casual but cute wedding reception. And all of that was over 24 years ago. We have actually been a couple now for over 30 years. That's just ridiculous, I could have done 2 murders for that!

Which leads me nicely to the secret.

The secret to a long marriage (the happy bit we shall discuss separately in a minute) is "don't kill each other". No really, that's it. There will be times in a marriage that you disagree about something, it may be a small thing or a big thing.

Maybe you like to leave the washing up on the draining board to dry naturally and your significant other (SO) likes to dry everything with a tea towel and stack it away in the cupboards, or you like back bacon and your SO likes streaky. These small issues need compromise.
Compromise should be taught in school, in the 'me me me' culture we have nowadays, where young people talk about 'doing what makes you happy' and 'making time for you',  compromise can be so easily forgotten. It's unlikely (though possible) that you find a partner on which you totally agree 100%. Even if you think that now, you may find as time goes on, issues you had never thought of appear over the horizon and you disagree. Compromising can stop you killing each other. Buy both types of bacon, take it in turns to be in charge of the washing up...

Some issues though are either so huge or so diametric that there can not be a compromise in which you both win, only a decision in which one of you does.

With some things, there can be a decision to both do your own thing, or keep your own thoughts, for example where you have conflicting religions or political views. Or as in our case where I attend festivals and Mr TM stays at home in the land of warm rooms, beds and running water. And that separate time can be a marriage saver too, if you look at many marriage guides there are lots of tips and ideas on things to do together and of course that's important, but don't be afraid to do things apart too. Mr TM likes to practise playing the piano, I like to blog.

But some decisions are just a dichotomy, what about getting a dog? or having children? I hope that every couple discusses big issues before they marry. But maybe you forgot to mention you hate dogs while he assumed you'd get an Afghan hound. Here is an impasse, what to do? You cannot get half a dog. Maybe you could still compromise a bit, get a smaller dog, arrange for a cleaner, get a dog walker..but if not you need to be able to talk...without killing each other, and one of you needs to be brave enough to not get what you want. (if you didn't talk about having children before marriage...well that's a big conversation to have, but you still need to have it, and listen to each other's reasons for their thoughts too)

*an aside

When we married Mr TM made it clear he didn't want children. I did, but after some years of us being together I realised that I would rather be with him, without children, than without him but with children. Mr TM is 20 years my senior. We married. I mentioned getting a dog, Mr TM declared dogs too much of a tie and a responsibility. I pointed out that I had agreed to no children, could I not have a dog to mother instead? And so he relented, 3 years after getting a puppy he suggested we have a baby, maybe he saw how I was with the dog, maybe he saw other parents, who knows, but he changed his mind, once I was pregnant we bought a second dog to amuse the first so that he should not be annoyed by the baby. Now 17 years on those dogs are gone, but DD and I missed them, Mr TM enjoyed the clean house for a while...before agreeing we needed more mud and hair on the carpet....

Never fall into the trap of "but if you loved me you would ..." because your SO will surely just think "but if you loved ME you wouldn't..."

So there is the secret. The secret is in 3 parts.

1. Talk
2. Compromise
3. Be prepared to not always get what you want

And the happy bit? Well I assume that the day you got married you were happy? Now you are together all the time (apart from the time you are not) you are talking, sharing, not bottling stuff up, compromising...what's not to be happy about!

I wonder if you read this far and thought "But my SO doesn't help around the house" or "but my SO is messy" or a million other annoying things your SO might do. If so, ask yourself, have you talked about it? Properly, not yelling or moaning or nagging. Have you both come to a compromise about it? Have you thought of a way to move on? If not, why not? go and do it now, make you SO a cup of tea/coffee/beverage of their choice and go and have a chat.
 
(Don't panic I asked Mr TM for his input on this blog post and he's cool with it. He said to tell you I'm the messiest wife in the world and he is not a neat freak, that's just his wife being rude, he is just averagely tidy, despite that, neither of us has killed the other...yet)

Which Christmas tree is best, fake or real?

It's the time of year for tree wars. It's like the breastfeeding vs bottle wars but with more tinsel. (unless you are a really flamboyant breast feeder!)  So before everyone starts burning each others trees down in rage I thought I'd do a quick round up of real vs fake Christmas trees.

First The Real Tree:

• It smells of loveliness and the wild outdoors and Christmas
• You don't have to store it between Christmases (a big consideration if you like a largish tree and have little storage space, no loft, garage, shed etc)
• Trees are a renewable crop just like cabbages,(not exactly like cabbages, cabbages are difficult to decorate and trees are really hard to boil)  while they grow they do breathing and stuff that is good for the planet, and they are biodegradable.
• They are pricey though - this year the price of a tree (depending on where you live) varies from £4 a foot to an eye watering £20 a foot!
• They drop needles. Yep, even the non drop varieties, and even if you spray them with non droppy needle spray stuff. Those sharp little needles get everywhere, terrible if you have a crawling baby, merely annoying otherwise (unless you are having naked sex in the lounge under the tree then all bets are off).  Hoover daily, sometimes twice.
• Insects. You might bring them in with the tree or they might decide to live there later. Whatever, it's a party villa for creepy crawlies...but in your lounge.

And the Fake Tree:

• After the initial spend (which can be considerable but often comparable to a real tree, see above) they are reusable so will become cheaper per year with the passing of time. I have an 8 ft tree I bought in 2001 and it's still in use, it cost £50 ( so £50/15 years = £3.30 per year)
• You can get wild colours to match your decor. It's a bit 80s I admit, but you can get trees to match a chic white colour scheme, or a blue Elsa and Frozen themed one...or (probably) a pink Peppa pig themed tree. In the 80s Mr TM and I had a white tinsel tree with pink baubles ... we really are too classy :-/
• They don't drop needles (don't panic, I'm going to try not to just write two lists that contradict each other) They are less mess, you can skip the hoovering.
• You can put them up as early as you like because they will always look the same! They won't get browner or lose needles and look thinner as Christmas approaches, they are as bushy on January 6th as they were on December 1st
• You don't have to trek around to find the perfect tree, after the first year you are sorted, there is the perfect tree. In your loft! (so yeah, you need storage space)
• They need to be 'put together'. Most large trees are in pieces and need some erection, and fluffing (stop that!) to get them to their prime. (DD would like to point out this is great family bonding time...she does the fluffing)

Our 15 year old tree

So there we have it. Trees for Christmas can be real or fake, each have their merits and disadvantages and your personal situation and choice will come to bear on what you get. I honestly don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. We have a fake tree. What sort of tree do you have? I'd love to see it - tweet me a picture at Tattooed Mummy or share a photo on my Facebook page, or comment below. 

How to use your phone while driving.

You are stuck in traffic, nothing has moved for ten minutes, you are sure it's probably an accident and you think you might as well ring your wife to tell her you'll be late.

You are at traffic lights, they have just turned red, you only missed the green by seconds and now you have to wait for 4 sets of changes before you can move again, you glance at your phone on the passenger seat and see you have a snapchat notification.

You are cruising at 70 on the M4 on the way to a conference, running a bit late you decide to text the organiser, after all, you have some automated 'I'm running late' texts programmed into the phone.

It's late and dark and you can't find your mate's house on a large housing estate, all the roads look the same, you give him a ring and clutching the phone twixt ear and shoulder you ask him to talk you through the route.

It doesn't matter why you think it's OK to use your phone while you are driving, it's not OK, it's dangerous and it's illegal. I've been in some of those situations, I've been tempted. And in the days before using your phone and driving was a specific offence I have used hands-free to get directions from a friend.

So I understand the temptation I really do. I know you think 'I'm not even moving, I could use it quickly!' I know you are thinking, 'glancing at a text message is no worse that tuning the radio, that message might be important'. I get it. But it's not OK, it's not OK because it's dangerous, and because it's dangerous, and because we are tempted, it's also illegal. Even being illegal hasn't been enough to stop some people playing Pokemon Go in traffic in the town centre (but Officer, there was a Pikachu!) so the penalties increased in March 2017

If you are caught using your mobile phone while in charge of a vehicle (which includes at traffic lights and in a traffic jam) you are liable to 6 penalty points on your licence and a fine of £200.  If the case goes to court there is a risk you will lose your licence entirely and be fined £1000.

Copyright: bignai / 123RF Stock Photo

So my top tip is simple, when you get into your car, if you have no passengers to answer your phone, or tweet, or catch Pokemon for you, switch off your phone, and put it in the boot. Job done. If you 'need' to use your phone for music via the bluetooth, switch off the data, and set calls to voicemail or silent, put the phone face down out of reach.

Don't be tempted. Be safe. Be legal.

Driving long distances should always include breaks for safety. So just make them mobile phone check breaks too.

Fizz at six months

W​ell, Fizz the border terrier puppy has now been with us for 4 months.. She is now 6 months old and has totally made herself at home. Despite never being allowed on the sofa since she got here she tries every night to leap up for a cuddle, every night I calmly place her on the floor and say 'no' - she doesn't not look convinced.

Things she has learned include sitting on command, giving a 'paw' , lying down, rolling over on command, and letting go of something when asked.

What I did on my holidays

Extra points to anyone that spotted the Terry Pratchett reference in this blog post title. I haven't been to Ankh-Morpork but I have been off work for a week and having family fun, including spending time with Fizz the puppy who is finally old enough to go outside for walks.

Apparently puppies should only be excercised for 5 minutes for each month of their age so poor bouncy Fizz is limited to 20 minutes, however this hasn't stopped up taking her out an about, armed with a large bag in case she needs a rest.

We had a fun day out in Petworth for a food festival, where as usual Fizz behaved like a loon with every dog she met - she really needs to learn that leaping on someones head is not the sign of affection she thinks it should be.

Later we took a trip to Brighton where Fizz was universally admired (or course she was - she is gorgeous), and Mr TM and I took her for a half day out at the Weald and Downland Museum too which was fab. I plan a much fuller blog post on that over at TentSniffing for Beginners later. But here is a cute picture of her enjoying the day to keep you going.

DD has totally finished school - I have a student not a child for a daughter now - so I probably should feel like a grown up - oddly, I don't.

Luckily she doesn't seem too grown up either - so we are looking forward to our summer of festival fun. despite the fact this Minion costume in Asda is not available in her size...ah well.

Sorry to anyone that missed Wordy Wednesday last week, normal service should be resumed soon...

I do hope you are all making the most of this sunny weather!

Expert puppy information and training tips

Hello I am a puppy expert. I say expert, when what I really mean is , I'm "some woman on the internet who had two dogs that grew up fine, got old, died and now has a puppy again". See I told you, I'm a puppy expert.

I have recently purchased a puppy. She is a border terrier called Fizz, she is exceptionally cute, fast, and clever. A few people (2) that I speak to on social media asked me for puppy advice and so with the multitude (2) questions being asked I felt a blog post by a PUPPY EXPERT (me) was required.

Puppy expert in action

Things you think you know about puppies but really don't (or have forgotten - I know I did)
Puppies bite. They do not 'nip'. People tell you that puppies nip but nipping sounds painless and fun and almost friendly . Puppies do not 'nip'. They use teeth that they borrowed from a great white shark crossed with a razor blade to puncture any and every part of your anatomy they can get a grip on. They will bite the soft skin web betwixt thumb and forefinger, there will be blood. The tiny needle teeth will grab and bite into the delicate skin of your inner arm. The puppy will appear to want to snuffle into your crotch but JUST WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT will bite deep into the skin of your inner thigh (or worse!) until you squeal for mercy.
They do eventually stop biting. And this period of biting is important, they are learning 'bite inhibition', which means they are testing what hurts...your screams help in this process.

Puppies wee, and poop. They wee all the time, you might have thought leaving the back door open will mean they will wee outside, it doesn't. Puppies have no concept of 'outside'. Your job is to teach them. The simplest way is to use a crate (sounds cruel, isn't) the crate becomes the puppies den, no one likes to piss or crap in their bed, so puppies don't if they can possibly help it. You must use the crate whenever you cannot 100% supervise the puppy, do not let the puppy out of your sight when it is out of the crate or it will wee. Puppies need to go out at regular intervals, about every 30-60 minutes. BUT ALSO (and this is important) as soon as they wake after a nap, after a play time, after food. Treat the puppy or praise the puppy when it wees (or poops) outside. Clean up and ignore the screw ups YOU made by not paying attention that allowed the pup to poop in the house. Weirdly puppies over 8 weeks can go all night (11pm-5.30am) without messing up.

Puppy Prison

Puppies bite. Wait we did this! Yeah but they bite your clothes too, dressing gowns, trouser legs, shoes, anything moving. The edges of skirts will become laced with puppy ripped holes...I'm sure the bite inhibition thing is still in play. I'll be honest. This clothes biting pisses me off.

Do not be fooled - she is a velociraptor in a fur suit!

Puppies are ninjas. They can appear behind you, silently in a second. They appear in front of you equally quickly and stealthily, particularly if you are carrying a cup of tea. You will almost stand on them. You will trip over them. A lot.

Puppies can learn stuff really fast as they are like sponges. Don't be fooled by those big eyes and cute noses into thinking 'oh but they are babies, there is lots of time to learn' NO! there is now, now is the time, between 8 and 12 weeks is a window of fixed learned behaviour when puppies can learn either fear or confidence of a situation. Ensure that during this time they meet lots of new people, dogs, other puppies, children (the sort that don't mind being torn to bloody ribbons by excited puppy teeth) . Also that they have lots of new experiences and noises, banging doors, car rides, carrier bags rustling, firework sounds, TV shows etc etc

Blurred puppy party picture

Taking her out pre-vaccinations - in a bag!

And all the time, train them! Get a decent book and decide on a style (I'm using a clicker this time around and Fizz adores it) and get on with it! Teach the basics (at 13 weeks Fizz can come to her name, sit, lay down, and give a paw when asked). We are working on the 'off' command to tell her to STOP BITING ME/MY TROUSERS/THAT CHAIR LEG and she's finally starting to get it.

Innocent puppy face

So, that's part one of my guide to puppies, more as and when I think of something you need to know. Do you have a new puppy? Share your pictures and advice with me on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, Fizz even has her own Instagram!