Breastfeeding - my experience

Almost 18 years ago now I had a baby. As all mums will tell you, it feels like it was yesterday, they grow so fast. What is it they say? 'The days are long but the years are short' ? Yes that sums up parenthood. Tiring, exhausting, but ultimately amazing and it's all gone in a blink and they are adults themselves.

When I became pregnant I decided I wanted to do everything naturally, or as natural as possible, though I didn't want a home birth. I felt that if everything went well then hospital would be OK and they could do the clean up, and if things went badly, I'd have the support I needed.


I also decided that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. At the time the advice was exclusive for 4 months and then introduce solids but keep breastfeeding alongside for as long as possible. (current World Health Oganisation advice can be found here) That all sounded fine to me and so I didn't buy and bottles, no formula, no sterilising kits. Nothing. I had boobs and I didn't need anything more.


The birth (a water birth) was easy and fairly swift, less than 12 hours. And DD (darling daughter)  was born with a shock of dark hair, eyes to fall into, like deep pools and a gaze with the knowledge of centuries, as babies tend to have. I was instantly in love and started feeding withing minutes of birth. Text book stuff, I stayed in hospital overnight and the midwives checked on my (and her) latch positioning regularly, they asked how things were, checked I was feeding on demand and were just lovely. The midwife that helped deliver her showed me the 'rugby ball hold' as DD preferred to feed on one side and Dave (the midwife) worried I'd get lopsided!


After 48 hours or so I went home and everything was fine, DD slept and ate and was as cute as the cutest button. Life was dreamy.

On day 5 after the birth I woke to discover my milk had 'come in'. What a misleading phrase, it conjures flowing rivers of creamy goodness when in reality it means your tits, whilst looking like a porn stars are suddenly rock hard and tender, engorged and not in a good way! Baby DD found her latch was no longer easy, she looked at me accusingly, suddenly she couldn't feed, and so she wailed. I wailed too. Hearing her wail my body cheerfully created more milk! I hurt! I wailed more, DD wailed. My poor husband looked on helplessly. After 12 hours things had got worse, not better and I was terrified that DD would die of thirst (I had no idea how resilient babies are!) I was hysterical, she was purple in the face from screaming and my husband said he was going to buy bottles and formula right away.


I broke down, felt like a failure, torn between not wanting to give up and feeding my child! Luckily I'm really stubborn. So instead of letting him go for formula I said we should phone the labour ward, they had said we could phone for any reason, at any time (it was now 10pm) I rang, they said to come straight in. And so we did.


The loveliest nurses and midwives in the world took DD for a walk around the ward to calm her (and, looking back on it maybe to give her a sly drink!) while another midwife made me tea and calmed me down. Then they brought a now calmer DD back in and helped her get a grip, it felt like they just held her head against my boob until she had no choice but to suck! But maybe it was more subtle than that.

Whatever they did it worked, she glugged (you could hear her glugging!) and emptied both breasts. Poor hungry baby - she then slept for about 8 hours. We went home and after that we didn't look back. DD continued breastfeeding as and when until she was 4 months when she was keen to eat! She raced up the centiles chart (chubster!) and then gradually settled when she started eating food. She continued to breastfeed until she was 10 months old, when she self weaned having discovered cups and food easier that the work needed to breastfeed! Such a cute and lazy baby.



The things I loved about breastfeeding were; the lack of preparation, you want milk, it's there (and no extras to carry when you go out) ; the snuggles, tiny pudgy hands massaging you as baby drinks, like a little kitten; the cheapness, I didn't buy bottles, or sterilisers; the supposed health benefits were just a bonus if I'm honest


My experience of breastfeeding was fabulous. I want other mums to know it can be great, and support can be great too - never be afraid to ask. If I hadn't had help I might have given up on day 5! I felt like a failure but mum's shouldn't, there is no reason you should be good at it! It's a skill and both you and baby have to learn. Take your time, get help, enjoy.

And if you don't breastfeed? That time is gone in a blink anyway - enjoy every precious second with your child.

Breastfeeding on demand...the demand of £200

Where to start.

Twitter is all of a twitter about a trial taking place in the UK to try and increase breastfeeding rates among 'deprived' families (its always 'deprived' families isn't it? I'm never quite sure what that means, poor? badly educated? both?) You would think that this would be a good thing. But I fear that the way the trial team are going about it and the reaction from almost everyone means it is not a good idea at all.

Me with DD

The plan is to give mothers £200 of vouchers for a supermarket if they continue to breastfeed for 6 months. Leaving aside the issues around mothers or babies that cannot breastfeed, how would this even be policed? Would a health visitor take your word for it? Search the house (maybe using trained sniffer dogs) to hunt out tins of SMA? Test the baby like an athlete in training for 'banned substances'? "I'm sorry Mrs Brown your baby has tested positive for Aptamil" Watch you feed? A very weird situation whatever.

And what of the actual idea, that £200 would make you change the way you fed your baby. Most mothers I know made a choice based on knowledge and support at the time. £200 would not have made me NOT breastfeed, and when I asked twitter mothers that didn't breastfeed agreed that it wouldn't have made them do it. What many many mothers said was that more support would have helped them keep feeding. Places to feed in public, health visitors and midwives that didn't just suggest a bottle when feeding was difficult, someone to sit with them while they fed, someone to help with housework or look after the other children so they could feed in peace. A LAW preventing comments when they did decide to feed in public (well done Scotland)

Radio 4 interviewed a few women in London and none of them thought it was a good idea, all thought it wouldn't change what they did, and many thought extra help and support would be a better use of the money.

And of course many people think it is unfair. The NHS has already used cash incentives to get people to stop smoking and to lose weight. It seems that taking an unhealthy option gets you cash! (not that not breastfeeding is unhealthy obviously) What next? You get to the drive thru at Mc Donald's and a voice says "What meal would you like sir? or would you prefer to just have the £10 from the government for eschewing junk food?" What of all the parents that are struggling to do their best and are not given £200.

And the silliest thing is that breastfeeding is its own financial reward!! You don't need to eat much more to make milk (in fact eating well but normally will get you back into shape quicker) Formula is expensive as are bottles and sterilising equipment. Breastfeeding is almost free!

As to the whole issue of women's bodies...I'm a very pro breastfeeding sort of woman but it is your body! To be bribed with £200 to do something you didn't want to? Imagine being told "women now to be paid £50 for having sex with their husband when he's keen but they are not in the mood"? (actually I bet some of you are already choosing new shoes based on that idea...but anyway)

It's all wrong.

The UK has the lowest breastfeeding rates in the WORLD according to the Dr on Radio 4 this morning. We need a change in attitudes and support, not cash.

Programs on TV like 'Health Freaks' where Dr Pixie squeals "ooh breast milk has a bit of a yuk factor doesn't it" while cringing at the idea of a man drinking breast milk don't help! It's MILK, you drink milk for COWS, that you have never met and had coffee with so why get all fussed at a woman you know providing milk?

We need to get a grip. Women make milk, it's our super power. We should support all women, including

those that choose not to use that super power. Women need help, support and kindness not cash to help us be better mothers. We are all being the best mothers we can be, don't alienate groups of us. Breastmilk or formula, a happy baby and a happy mum is what we should aim for.

I'm glad this is only a trial. We shall see what effect it has but I hope all factors are taken into account and that maybe a trial of extra help and support is run alongside it.

What do you think? Would £200 have changed your mind? Do 'poor' mothers really need that £200 or would explaining the natural savings be enough? How bribe-able are you?

If you are struggling with breastfeeding you may find this link helpful.

An Olympic Meme

Crank up the national anthem, get out your gold medals because I've been tagged for the latest meme sprinting round the block. No list of rules for this one, just a list of Q & As and MelkshamMum has passed the baton to me so here we go...3,2,1 and they're off

If everyday tasks were an Olympic event what would you get a gold medal in?

Sleeping, absolutely without any doubt. I can sleep through practically anything. Storms that destroy our garden shed, radios blaring, toilets flushing, 11am coming and going, movies, I once fell asleep in a nightclub. I'm a Gold Medal winner for sleeping for sure.

As a child, or now even, did you excel at a particular sport?

No. As a child I was terrible at all sports and it put me off doing anything even remotely sporty for life. I was finally diagnosed at 36 with Charcot-Marie-Tooth explaining (finally) that I wasn't 'lazy' or 'rubbish' at games (as many a PE teacher had suggested) but was, in fact, mildly disabled. I'm looking forward to watching the Olympics though, and the Paralympics even more so.

Michael Phelps (swimmer) or Michael Johnson (runner) - which sport appeals to you more?

I can neither swim nor run. However the idea of watching fit young men do either is really rather appealing....hmmm glistening muscles....

Gratuitous Muscled Body Picture

How fast can you get out of bed and ready to go out the door if you miss the alarm and sleep in?

I rarely sleep in because while being able to sleep for England I am an early riser on a work day - out of bad making tea for DH at 5.30am. If I did oversleep I could be up and out in 10 minutes. I don't wear makeup and showers are for sissys (kidding I do wash, but if in a hurry I'd skip a day)

What fantasy sport would you like to see made into an Olympic event?

Extreme Breastfeeding, you know, while bungy jumping, underwater, up a mountain, while skydiving, that sort of thing. For those that don't breastfeed there would be a bottle feeding version but I think it would be harder to sterilise bottles and milk underwater than to breastfeed there :-)

Claim to fame time: have you ever met an Olympian and who was it?

No, but am attending some events this year so there is still time. Are you allowed to lick Usain Bolt?

What event in past Olympics can you remember most vividly?

To be honest I don't really remember many events - just the shock stuff like Zola Budd changing nationalities to run in the Olympics, and Ben Johnson being stripped of his medal in 1988

Tuning in at home or tickets clamped in sweaty palms?

I have tickets for Dressage (that's a horse thing ;-)) and tickets for swimming, dressage, and wheelchair basketball in the paralympics. DD and I are going (DH not so keen) and we are very excited. (Tickets not arrived yet though! *bites nails*)

Who do you think most deserves a gold medal (any walk of life not just Olympians)?

Would be slushy to say my other half wouldn't it? but he's been a SAHD for the last 12 years and does most of the housework, despite being 20 years my senior. So I think I'd award it to him. 

Now I have to pass on the baton, but whose sweaty palm is outstretched to grab it?

I pass to  The Moiderer (because she can actually run and has done the London marathon!)

and  Very Bored in Catalunya because she is lovely and is in the right place for some Beach Volley Ball

Feel free to snatch the baton for yourself if you want to answer the questions, and leave a comment here so I can pop over to look.

It is fine to be offended by public breastfeeding...

It is fine to be offended by public breastfeeding...or any breastfeeding.
You can be repulsed by it, loathe it, find it vile and disgusting.
You may if you like actually feel physically sick when you see a woman breastfeeding.
That is your right.
I myself find spiders to be loathsome and vile.
Everyone has a right to be disgusted by anything.
We can't help it.

I could tell you that breastfeeding is natural (it is), beautiful (it is), that it is brilliant for both mum and baby (it is), I could tell you that it can be hard and that mums need a medal even for trying to breastfeed in many cases (they do) but just as you could tell me that spiders are harmless (yeah yeah) that they are miracles of nature (I hear you) that they rid the house of nasty dirty flies (yep again) and neither of us would be convinced. I would still feel disgust when i see an arachnid and you would still feel ill seeing a woman breastfeeding. It's your right of course, I can't tell you how to feel. Neither can any one else.

You are allowed to be disgusted by a perfectly natural and beautiful thing.

What you are NOT ALLOWED to do is ask a woman to stop, to ask her to 'be more discreet' or to 'cover up'. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to ask a cafe owner to move the lady to another table 'at the back' YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to ask her to feed her baby in the toilet, or to point at her, to make a fuss, to embarrass her. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED to complain to her or those around you, to harass her.

You are allowed to look away. To move away, to use another cafe, to eat your sandwiches in the toilet.

You are free to be disgusted, just as I am of spiders, but you are not suddenly allowed to assume the world is an adult only space, or that a baby eating should be hidden away.

And to all breastfeeding mums reading this. I salute you.

oh and I don't kill spiders - I know it's my problem, not theirs

Awarded 5th April 2012

  
 

Breasts, juicy juicy breasts...

So there was a report, it was about breastfeeding, we all got enraged. Yes all of us, everyone..or maybe just me. Anyway the point was I was enraged. The report (widely reported in the media) seemed to say that breastfed babies were poor sleepers, miserable, cranky, and generally sadder babies than the chubby bundles of fun that sleep through and giggle like smiling cherubs when fed formula. No wonder there was rage; I’m almost a breastfeeding nazi! (I’m not but once on twitter someone listed me as such, I was sort of proud) anyway….I went off to track down the report itself since none of the media sources, not even the BBC, saw fit to link to it or reference it in anyway. Luckily the NHS website was more forthcoming and even helpfully pointed out the errors with the ‘study’…such as that the ‘study’ was not actually designed to study the difference between breastfed and formula fed babies at all, it was an aside from a larger study and that the study itself had only 300 participants, that the data was all subjective and no backgrounds were obtained for the babies…well go check see for yourselves(and a snippet below), it’s basically a pile of ‘maybes’ and ‘might haves’. No real concrete data at all.

"There are several additional points to make:

• The researchers did not take into account other wider issues that might affect the chosen feeding method, mother/baby interactions and babies’ temperaments, such as whether the mothers were working, time spent with babies and feeding schedules.
• The study relied on mothers to subjectively rate their babies’ temperaments. Such self-completed ratings could be influenced by other things, such as the mothers’ anxiety about breastfeeding.
• The differences in temperament between breastfed and formula-fed babies as rated by the mothers appeared to be small. For example, the emotional instability score was 2.8 in the bottle-fed group and 3.0 in breastfed and mixed-fed babies. It is not possible to say whether these small score differences would have made appreciable differences in the day-to-day temperament of the babies.
• Educational achievement of women who breastfed or mixed-fed their babies was higher, and how this might have influenced their scoring of temperament was not discussed by the authors.
• It is not known whether the current method of feeding at three months represents a consistent pattern since birth or whether there have been changes. For example, a baby described as formula-fed at three months may have only just been switched to formula feeding and may have been exclusively breastfed up until then. Finally, as the researchers point out, this small study of mothers and babies in Cambridge may not be representative of UK mothers and babies generally."

But why were mothers bothered? If a study says that something may not be as good for your baby you won’t do it – you want the best or your baby. Best is a fed baby. A baby that grows and is happy. Breast or formula can do that, but mothers all want the best. This study seemed to imply that breast was actually inferior…or did it? It said that breastfed babies were more restless, formula fed babies slept more. Well I don’t know about you but after a huge meal of heavy to digest food I sleep well too! Often most of the afternoon, so having a belly full of heavy rich food makes you sleep … ok …

And babies that are breastfed cry more. Now this is the thing that made people sit up! Babies that cry are sad! Miserable! Poor little things! But most breastfeeding mums I know feed on demand. The babies need to inform mum when a new helping of grub is in order, and it might not be in four hours because, well it was easy to digest, it went quick and now “I’M HUNGRY!” and then they drink and are not hungry and can get on with being babies..watching the world, growing, communicating (often by crying “I want to touch the thing!” “why is the light bright” “I want a cuddle” “I want to be left alone” “I want a cuddle “I’M HUNGRY AGAIN!” ) so really is the crying bad? 

No! babies cry! Breastfed babies may (or may not – it’s a tiny, flawed study) cry more but that may be because they are communicating more! Because they are more awake, because they are not dozing with a tum full of formula!

So is formula bad? Of course not. Lots of babies grow up happily on formula, a mum may not be able to feed, may adopt, may have a tough birth, may have a busy job or a second child that is ill and needs her attention too, amy not fancy brestfeeding, there are a million reasons a mum might not breastfeed (one reason I’m not a ‘breastfeeding nazi' and would never say anything to another about her choice unless she asked for advice) but should a woman choose not to breastfeed because of this study? NO! certainly not!

But the sad fact is that thousands of women every year are put off of breastfeeding, and your milk is nearly always the right thing for your baby. The reasons for not breastfeeding are usually fear, fear of exposure, fear of offending people, fear of being verbally abused, fear of not having enough milk, fear of not being able to do it, and an added fear that on top of all that it may be ‘bad’ for the baby is just awful!

Formula is not a poison and may suit you better, but don’t use it ‘to get a quiet night’. My own experience and that of many breastfeeding mums is that if you relax, if you are led by your baby, you can have plenty of sleep with breastfeeding (not all at night it's true!) and will often not get sleep with a formula fed baby…because (guess what) babies are all different. Babies are different and mums are different, babies that sleep may have mums that don’t worry, or mums that fuss more to get things right! who knows!?

You are the mum, you and your baby are a perfect match, and if you can, you should listen to what you, your baby and your family needs, then everyone can relax and be happy. They are only babies such a short time, enjoy them.

Wean me gently, a poem about breastfeeding..................

This is a poem by Cathy Cardall it was brought to my attention by @radicalactivist -  and I love it and wanted to share! (it made me all weepy at the end)

Wean me gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

My Parenting Style

Is there such a thing as a parenting style?

I don't think I have a style, in some things I'm relaxed to the point of silliness and yet in others I'm strict in the extreme.

So what gives? well it's an odd idea but I use my brain.

My parenting style is based on me and my child, not you, not your child. You can do as you see fit (maiming and abusing your child obviously excepted!) and I will do what works for us.

I read lots of books on babies and children and on parenting. I read books on 'sleeping' and on 'feeding' and on 'talking' and on 'potty training'. I read lots of books, and websites, and magazines, and talked to friends. And you know what? they all disagreed!! No two sources could agree on anything!
So I should 'let my baby cry it out' and I should 'pick her up everytime she cried', I should 'feed every 4 hours' and 'feed on demand'. I should use 'disposable nappies as they are drier' and use 'cloth nappies to save the planet'.
I should feed 'real food at 4 months' or '6 months' or '8 months' or when I finish breastfeeding (which I may not want to do as bottle feeding makes it easier to see how much your baby is getting...
So I should 'let potty training just happen' I should 'use sweets' or 'star charts' I should 'let my child see me use the toilet' I should 'go cold turkey - straight to no nappies' or I should 'use pull-ups in case of accidents' etc etc you get the picture.

One thing I was 100% on, I wanted to breast feed. Which I did - despite a hiccup on day 5 when milk arriving by the tanker load caused my tiny boobs to become hard coconuts that a porn star would be proud of (and that a baby trying to latch onto just bounced off of!) a quick trip back to the hospital and the midwives helped me out, so that was all good. So breast feeding, check, cloth nappies, check.

Letting my baby cry sometimes, yep (so sue me). baby sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, check, potty trained when she seemed to be ready, check, out of nappies and dry at night at 1 year, check......

oh yes I'm the perfect mum.................zzzzzzzzzsscccrraaaaaaaaaattccchhhhhhhhh zzzzzzzzz

sorry what? where was I oh yes...... so my parenting style is a mishmash of things heard, things learned from other mums, my own ideas etc

I believe that children need rules and boundaries so my child has them. But I also believe she's a person with ideas and likes and dislikes that can be discussed. I believe that she should get her way some days but that the world is not hers alone, that mummy and daddy matter too, that our house has rules that we all need to follow to have a happy home. That chores are something no one wants to do but we all have to. That pocket money (like wages) must be earned. That sometimes you can have a treat for no reason, and that some days suck while some are fun. That actions have consequences, and they may be bad.

The one constant is LOVE, I adore my daughter to the point of pain, I'd gladly die to save her..........

~~~~~~~~~

so I read that ramble back to myself and realise I DO have a parenting style, it's 'personal chaotic' and I think that there maybe no saving throws............