What is a birth plan and do you need one?

When you are pregnant you may find people suggest you write a ‘birth plan’. This will list all your wants, your desires and plans for your perfect birth. It may list ‘no drugs’ or ‘water birth’, it may specify ‘husband to be present through out’ or ‘don’t let my mother in!’. Your wishes and desires from the extremely medical ‘I do not with for an epidural’ or ‘I do not want an episiotomy’ to the weird and wonderful ‘I would prefer only blue towels if my baby is a boy’, will be written out and probably discussed with your midwife or healthcare provider. Your midwife will probably have input and suggestions too, mine pointed out things I’d added that were irrelevant as they were not done in the UK any way (I grabbed a birth plan template online and as we know, the ‘net is American!) and then finally the master plan is complete. You can rest easy knowing all is prepared…..

I was lucky, I followed my birth plan, nothing went wrong, nothing deviated from my plan, hubby was pleased as he found that when he was asked (as I was, but I was shouting just get the f*cking baby out!) whether a student could come and witness the birth of our daughter, he could confidently say ‘No, we did specify no students on the birth plan’ he was happy with what I wanted as was able to act on my behalf when all I could do was grunt or swear. ( I had a water birth if you are interested, with a tens machine to start with, before the water! And then gas and air as my only pain relief! Go me!! Haha)

But not all women are so lucky, maybe you asked for a ‘natural birth’ but when the pain kicked in you knew you wanted an epidural, maybe you’d longed for a vaginal birth in a dimly lit room to music, but ended up with a caesarean in a brightly lit theatre (operating theatre obviously – unless you’re a real show off) well don’t despair…

I like to compare the birth plan to a journey plan. If you take a trip you check the map, you look at the best routes, if the journey is long you may plan stops at service stations, or decide to take your own sandwiches. You may write down the major road and towns you will pass through, and then you set off! But oh no! traffic is terrible, you need to divert as the motorway is blocked! The dog weed on the sandwiches so you need an unscheduled stop at a Burger King, and then you realise you pass near a lovely castle and make a detour to see it. At the end of the journey you arrive.

The birth plan and the journey plan are the same, they are a plan, not a blueprint, a plan, a hope for what you would like to happen, it maybe the journey (or the birth ) is different to the plan, maybe worse due to long delays or better due to the detour to look at a view but the end of the journey is reached and you have a baby…..(did I get muddled some where there?)

Don’t feel bad that the M4 was closed at junction 12, or that the birthing pool was in use by another mum, it just happens, plans change. The important thing is you planned and then you got where you needed to go, by the most appropriate method available.

Did you have a birth plan? Did you stick to it? Would you have one again? (I know I would)

NHS Choices have a Birthplan template - Click here to see it, and answer the questions. It creates a printable form. It's long, but there are lots of things to consider!

Maternity network have a nice natural birthplan here.

Wean me gently, a poem about breastfeeding..................

This is a poem by Cathy Cardall it was brought to my attention by @radicalactivist -  and I love it and wanted to share! (it made me all weepy at the end)

Wean me gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

Something I did and continue to do, I think I'm good at it!

Some information about me that I didn't know for many years, I have Charcot-Marie-Tooth also known as CMT and Hereditary Sensory and Motor Neuropathy. I've added a link there so you can pop off and read up on it if you like. It's OK I'll wait, go on....go read, we have time.

OK all done? so now you know I have issues with balance, my muscles don't work right, I can't feel stuff (or sometimes, oddly can feel stuff more intensely) and cold makes me freeze up completely.

Ok onward, what did I do that was so great? I made a new person! a whole new person! perfect in every last detail, and I popped her out the way I wanted to! I had minimal pain relief, and there was water....

Now I don't know about you, but creating a whole new person? Seems pretty damn fantastic to me! a real miracle and the pope can make you a saint if you do a miracle, personally I think all mums qualify, and yes I know we need the dad to help a bit at the beginning but 9 months of growing a baby is what we mums do! And some of us continue to be the only source of food for that baby for months after that when we feed that bundle of sweet wriggliness with milk from our own bodies. See there is another super power right there! We make milk! (I know all mammals do all this but you know - this is all about ME!)

OK so here is the birth story (men and non-mums may now be bored and are allowed to skip down the page if they like, there are pictures later, not gory ones, nice ones)

I had no idea about the CMT when I became pregnant, or until about 2 years afterwards. I was 34 when I got pregnant and was just outside the 'older mum' label! But at the birthing class while there were other mums in their 30s it was obvious that over 30 and a first time mum was slightly unusual (not so now but this was 10 years ago). So there I was 34, odd one out and wildly excited! I was making a baby!!

I enjoyed every second of being pregnant, I wasn't excessively tired (not more than normal anyway! tiredness it seems is relative and I am permanently tired due to the CMT!), and I enjoyed throwing up (yes really because it meant I was PREGNANT!) I commuted to London and worked 10 hour days until a few weeks before the birth, I was super mum! (I did not like the sods that never gave up a seat on the train for a hugely pregnant lady by the way - so if that's you and you are by chance reading this, shame on you! when you are pregnant it's hard to balance on a swaying train, your legs ache and you are often tired, and feeling sick, give up your seat!)

So pregnancy went well, despite constant referrals to Drs (by the nurses) as I was SFD (small for dates) until finally a lovely Dr wrote VERY SLIM MUM on my chart and highlighted it!( I never did go up a bra size, despite being turned away from maternity bra shop 3 times as the nice lady fitter was certain my boobs would suddenly get bigger.) Baby was growing fine and as the weeks passed my excitement grew. On her due date, despite a 3 mile walk with the dogs, nothing......... so I was booked for induction in 10 days time.....luckily for me lovely daughter (known online as DD) had other plans

One evening, exactly a week late at 10pm just as I was getting into bed...my waters broke! so clutching overnight bag and birthplan (lovingly composed some 8 months before) hubby rushed me to the hospital (ignoring repeated requests for him to slow down)...seriously guys do you like this bit? is it that you get to drive like Lewis Hamilton through the town centre for the first time in your life? Do you secretly hope the Police will stop you and then give you an escort, lights and sirens on? It's not necessary in most cases you know! Oh well I guess hubby enjoyed it.

So here's the what I did well bit! (finally i hear you all sigh!) I stuck to the birth plan, all of it! Even in the face of adversity and pressure from the midwife...

I had a TENS machine, and I walked around. I used the birthing pool. I only had gas & air, no epidural (the idea terrified me!!) I wasn't 'cut' - I tore (too much info? sorry about that! i did warn it was birth stuff!). Hubby was with me all the time. DD was born under water in the pool. (and I only swore once, that wasn't in the plan but...hey I was having a baby!) And even though the midwife asked me 3 times if a student could come and watch I stayed firm and said no. We waited for a while before cutting the cord. DD breastfed straight away.

I breast fed. I did not give up despite horrendous problems on day 5, involving a rushed trip back to hospital when DD couldn't latch, I had engorged breasts and we were competing for who could cry most! I used cloth nappies (not at all fashionable or easy 10 years ago) and we washed them ourselves and dried them on the washing line. I took a year off work. We decided that hubby would stay home and be daddy, and he did and it worked great.



And I think I'm still doing well, despite the CMT I do all the things mums do, I take her riding, camping, on holidays. I teach her things, I try and ensure she thinks of others and what is right and wrong, that not all things are easy or black and white, that things need thought. I tell her that I love her, I hug her a lot, I play silly games with her, I also try and give her the freedom she needs to flourish, even when that's scary. (see previous blog post)

My daughter is 10 now and she is caring, bright, funny, pretty, all the things a parent could want from a daughter. She likes makeup and goth clothing, she loves babies and animals, she can swim, ride, roller skate, play the clarinet....

..but maybe I should be just a tiny bit British as it's not really me that is doing all this, I can't claim all the credit, she is just an amazing person, ......


.....and I MADE HER!