Wordy Wednesday with Stephenie Siviter

Some time ago I fell in love with a blog. The blog and the blogger were new at the time, but with time comes experience and now I'm happy to share her writing with you for Wordy Wednesday.

The writer I'm talking about is Stephanie Siviter, and you can read what I thought of her blog in 2013, here. But fast forward to today, let's see what's changed.

So Stephanie, when did you start writing?
I can't remember a time I didn't write, from awful diaries, to teen angst poetry, to ridiculously long group emails (before blogs existed) to about 67 half started novels. So as soon as I could hold a pen I think.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing? Inspiration, a few minutes peace from the kids, tea.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
I can't write to a schedule. I can't write if someone tells me to (or read). I only write when I get a spark of inspiration. I only write when I HAVE to write.

What are your favourite biscuits?
Plain digestives. Mcvities and no other brand will do.

Where do you do most of your writing?
in bed on my laptop while the house sleeps.

What memorable books or blogs have you read in 2015?
Lots of fellow mum blogs - particularly the ones on Mumsnet frontpage. I haven't read a book all the way through for about three years due to attention span and having babies. haha I know the feeling, though I blame twitter

Have you had a good or bad 2015 and why do you think it was good (or bad) ?
2015 has been hectic. I had my second baby (last baby) and finally married their daddy. I'll look back on it as one of the best - but I have been so busy and stressed probably not stopped to appreciate it enough. oh a baby and a wedding, no wonder it was hectic, though it sounds lovely as well.

If you could genetically cross an animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently keen on a poppy seed ant, it could sprinkle itself over your loaf.
I don't understand this question. And however much I try all I can see are spider sprouts - if it's ok I'll leave this one. Still shuddering at the idea of ants on my bread. I'm leaving this in purely because it made me laugh so much! hahahahahah

Have you any new books planned for 2016? Do book ideas pop into your head unexpectedly or do you sit and plan them?
I have had an idea for a book for over a year now and hope to finally start it next year. It's about the dark reality and dark comedy of motherhood and being a stay at home mum ... with a big twist. ooh a teaser, sounds intriguing.

If you could bring a dead person back from the dead for one day to have tea and a natter with them, who would you choose and why?
It would be my teaching mentor from when I started teaching in 2004. I was on a year out to Australia when he was diagnosed with cancer and he died within such a short amount of time I never got to say goodbye. I also never got to tell him how much he meant to me. I joked many times about how annoyed I would be by his helpful suggestions during teaching. But the truth was he was a bit of a father figure and I loved him very much. Not a day of teaching passes without me thinking about him and I wish I had got to tell him how thankful I was. He always called me Bridget because of my single status and I'd love to tell him about my two babies and husband. When you get older you realise who are truly good souls - and I wish I could have told him what an amazing man he was. He was called Pete.

You can read my poetry and honest take on being a parent at http://www.mummyswritingdarling.co.uk/

You can buy Stephanie's books on Amazon, from 80p! you'd be a fool not to.


Thank you to Stephanie for taking part. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your new book.

The Worry of having an Imperfect Baby

When I was a kid, I knew a family with a little boy that had Down's Syndrome. His nickname was Wiggy because he wriggled so much, he was hilarious and very fun to be with. When I was an older teen my best mate introduced me to her pub quiz team mate, he had Down's Syndrome, he liked to visit the pub, have a beer and chat with his friends, he liked the pub quiz evenings too, and was better than me at the questions. And life went on, and I forgot about them both.

~~~

I got pregnant after 6 months of trying, when I was 34. I was only a year off being officially designated an 'older mum' by the NHS. And my husband, 20 years my senior, was quite obviously an 'older dad'. We were both very excited (actually he was terrified! LOL) about having a baby, a small person, a 'mini-me' joining us.

And then of course there was all the usual stuff, I went to my GP to tell him I was pregnant. I had no idea how all this medical care worked, so I expected being told how the NHS would sort things etc. Instead I saw a locum GP (a woman) who looked at me as if I was crazy and then said "and?"...

"erm" I replied "don't you check I really am? or schedule check ups or something?"

She laughed "not yet, I'll just take your word for it, come back in a few weeks"

So I did. Eventually the old wheels began turning, midwives said hello, blood was taken, blood pressure checked. And then at a routine appointment my (male) GP asked when I was having my nuchal scan and Down's testing.

"I'm not" I replied.

"Why not?" he asked, surprised.

"Because there's no point" I said "I won't have a termination and heart defects will be picked up on my dating scans anyway"

There was silence and then he said "I know if I knew I was having a Down's baby I would have a termination"

Would you, I thought, would you really. Well then it's lucky that a) you're a man and never likely to be pregnant and b) that I'm this baby's mum not you and c) that it's not up to you! I was silent too though, until I eventually, and probably fairly quietly said "well I'm sure, I don't want a test"

"We'll put down 'undecided' on the form" he said "Then the nurses can ask you again when you've had time to think about it"

I had thought about it. A lot. As I was oldish and my husband was older I had had a sort of nervous background mental hum saying "this baby might be disabled you know, it might have Down's syndrome, it will look different, have learning disabilities, have a terrible life...."

I had lain awake at night thinking it. I had gone to the shops thinking it. I had talked to my husband about it and he was really afraid that if this baby wasn't 'perfect' we wouldn't cope. I had thought about almost nothing else since I got pregnant. I hadn't worried that I might lose the baby. A common fear among mothers, but that the baby would be 'faulty', I'd worried about that a lot.

Early on I talked to the baby, calling the tiny thing (as yet un-sexed) the 'peanut' and chatting about day to day things. My husband wanted a girl, he believed that girls were the future and could do everything boys do and then some!(turns out he was right)  I wanted a boy, cute in dungarees, collecting snails and making mud dams in streams...
I didn't want a 'faulty' baby.

And then one day, after we had had a couple of scans, and finally knew that the peanut was a girl, we went to Lewes for a day. We sat in a park, we watched children at a wedding, dressed in cute, smart Sunday best and playing hide and seek around the trees. They jumped and ran, they squealed and laughed and I stroked my new bump and thought of our baby. And then...and then one of the children turned around and she had Down's Syndrome and she was beautiful, and perfect, and funny, and laughing and just like all the other children and in one heartbeat my baby was perfect whatever she turned out to be.

(I got teary eyed typing that - what a wuss)

When DD was born, one week late yet under weight and still covered in downy hair, she was my beautiful baby.

Of course if you've seen and read about DD you'll know she doesn't have Down's Syndrome.

Funny thing though, about genetic diseases. When DD was 2 I was diagnosed with Hereditary Motor and Sensory Neuropathy (also known as Charcot-Marie-Tooth or CMT). They do genetic testing for that you know...I expect you can get a termination based on it...we haven't had DD tested.

I'd like to thank Hayley at Downssideup for the lovely picture of her famous super model daughter Natty :-)

What is a birth plan and do you need one?

When you are pregnant you may find people suggest you write a ‘birth plan’. This will list all your wants, your desires and plans for your perfect birth. It may list ‘no drugs’ or ‘water birth’, it may specify ‘husband to be present through out’ or ‘don’t let my mother in!’. Your wishes and desires from the extremely medical ‘I do not with for an epidural’ or ‘I do not want an episiotomy’ to the weird and wonderful ‘I would prefer only blue towels if my baby is a boy’, will be written out and probably discussed with your midwife or healthcare provider. Your midwife will probably have input and suggestions too, mine pointed out things I’d added that were irrelevant as they were not done in the UK any way (I grabbed a birth plan template online and as we know, the ‘net is American!) and then finally the master plan is complete. You can rest easy knowing all is prepared…..

I was lucky, I followed my birth plan, nothing went wrong, nothing deviated from my plan, hubby was pleased as he found that when he was asked (as I was, but I was shouting just get the f*cking baby out!) whether a student could come and witness the birth of our daughter, he could confidently say ‘No, we did specify no students on the birth plan’ he was happy with what I wanted as was able to act on my behalf when all I could do was grunt or swear. ( I had a water birth if you are interested, with a tens machine to start with, before the water! And then gas and air as my only pain relief! Go me!! Haha)

But not all women are so lucky, maybe you asked for a ‘natural birth’ but when the pain kicked in you knew you wanted an epidural, maybe you’d longed for a vaginal birth in a dimly lit room to music, but ended up with a caesarean in a brightly lit theatre (operating theatre obviously – unless you’re a real show off) well don’t despair…

I like to compare the birth plan to a journey plan. If you take a trip you check the map, you look at the best routes, if the journey is long you may plan stops at service stations, or decide to take your own sandwiches. You may write down the major road and towns you will pass through, and then you set off! But oh no! traffic is terrible, you need to divert as the motorway is blocked! The dog weed on the sandwiches so you need an unscheduled stop at a Burger King, and then you realise you pass near a lovely castle and make a detour to see it. At the end of the journey you arrive.

The birth plan and the journey plan are the same, they are a plan, not a blueprint, a plan, a hope for what you would like to happen, it maybe the journey (or the birth ) is different to the plan, maybe worse due to long delays or better due to the detour to look at a view but the end of the journey is reached and you have a baby…..(did I get muddled some where there?)

Don’t feel bad that the M4 was closed at junction 12, or that the birthing pool was in use by another mum, it just happens, plans change. The important thing is you planned and then you got where you needed to go, by the most appropriate method available.

Did you have a birth plan? Did you stick to it? Would you have one again? (I know I would)

NHS Choices have a Birthplan template - Click here to see it, and answer the questions. It creates a printable form. It's long, but there are lots of things to consider!

Maternity network have a nice natural birthplan here.