Wordy Wednesday's author interview with Andy Gibney

A controversial book today I expect, but never let it be said I'm into censorship. Today's offering for Wordy Wednesday is the suggestively titled How to Seduce Your wife by Andy Gibney.

For twelve years Andy Gibney was a therapist. His first clients wanted help with phobias, stopping smoking and losing weight, but gradually more and more people came to see him with depression and anxiety. Andy realised that the cause of many of their problems could be traced back to the quality of their relationships. Coming out of a long term relationship himself, Andy found himself on the dating scene, a scene in which the internet had changed everything. Andy found many new experiences were now available to him and as such much of this book comes from the experiences of his old clients and his own interesting adventures in the new era of social media and dating.

As usual I threw some random questions at Andy so we could all find out a little bit more about how he 'ticks'.

Do you have any pets? 
I don’t at the moment, but I like cats and dogs. I had a rabbit a few years ago. It escaped and ran away. And I looked after it really well!

Who is your favourite author? Do they influence your writing or are they a total break from the sort of thing you write?
It changes all the time. At the moment, I’m loving the experience of finding Agatha Christie for the first time. I like her thought process so that has helped. Also, the same thing with Roald Dahl.

Which book(s) are you reading at the moment?
4. Storyteller – Roald Dahl’s biography. Phil Collins’ autobiography and I’ve just finished ‘And Then There Were None’ by Agatha Christie which is one of the best books I’ve ever read. (ooh last weeks author, Malcolm Parnell is a big Agatha Christie fan too, as am I!)

Where do you do most of your writing?
At my office on my computer. Nearly always early before anyone else comes in. Editing I can do if someone else is around. Most of my planning for a book is done in my small office at home.

Tell us about a bit of this book that you like the most - no spoilers!
I really loved writing many of the women’s stories in ‘Seduce’. Some were inspiring and some were hilarious.

What is your favourite biscuit?
Half chocolate Viennese shortbread or in a pinch, a chocolate Hobnob.

Tea or Coffee?
Neither. Haven’t touched caffeine for a dozen years. I am partial to hot chocolate though. (If authors are grouped by beverage choice, I'd have to put you in the group with Kate Harrad)

In the film of your life who would play you?
David Duchovney. If you’ve seen ‘Californication’ I think he already did. Some of it anyway.

If you could genetically cross an animal and a vegetable, what would you pick and why? I like the idea of a water melon sheep dog, just for the 'Melon Collie' pun.
You win the prize for oddest question ever. A cat with a cucumber. A catcumber. (Hmmm would it make itself jump?)

Andy's book How to Seduce Your Wife is published by 3P Publishing Ltd , and they tell me that
"It’s a book every man can learn from and every woman will want to read. "

You can get your own copy from Amazon and read a sample too.

Let me know what you think, are guides to relationships useful? or is the whole dating game so varied they can't help? And do all relationships take work, or should they happen naturally?

Thanks to Andy for taking part in Wordy Wednesday, follow the rest of the blog tour starting here ...

Sunday Lunch sex chat with the teen

This lunchtime we (DH and I ) decided to tell DD (aka 'the teen') that we had decided that after she starts sixth form college, for various reasons, we plan to give her the child benefit payments direct.

For those that wonder, that equates to about £20 a week and the reasons include ; having to buy her own clothes (as no school uniform), travel expenses, some extra freedom, learning to budget, experiencing the world of pay packets whilst not having to necessarily get a job (surely A levels are a full time job already?)

And that led onto my DH saying " so you won't have to sell your body" and while he meant it in jest it led nicely into a sex talk with the teen.

She told us that some girls had sex a lot, with all the boys, for no real reason. I calmly told her that her body was her body and I in no way wanted to police it, but in my experience she should be careful, that antibiotics were no longer the instant cure they once were and that boys and girls that had sex with anyone, without protection, were at risk. She agreed and said that most young people she knew didn't bother with protection. And that 'friends with benefits' was a common theme.

I feel scared for a generation that is so secure in medicine that infections and pregnancy are now seen as minor inconvenience and easily fixable, especially as this week is HIV testing week.

I told DD quite frankly that if all girls wanted was a satisfactory orgasm then a rampant rabbit was really all they needed. DH choked on his roast pork and stayed silent.

DD left the table, and DH and I continued to talk. I said that I had no regrets to waiting until I was 19 to have sex, that having a six month relationship before that happened was a good thing, that laughter and safety in a relationship were far far more important than 'just sex' great or not.

Copyright: elleemme / 123RF Stock Photo

So my list of things that are important in a relationship follow:

• Sex is great fun but it's way more fun with someone you are comfortable with, friends with.
• If a guy ejaculates before he's ready and you are friends you can laugh and hug and it's all ok. Friendship sex helps boys too.
• If you don't like something your partner is doing and you are friends you can tell them and they will listen and do what you like because they like you as well as fancy you.
• If you have no clue what you are doing you can talk about it it if you are friends and that's OK.
• Friends can have the best sex. Because they can talk, ask and refuse without fear.

I'm not dismissing sex for the fun of sex, but for teens  moving into the world of sex I think it's good to be able to feel safe, to be able to talk.

I'm not sure if I'm an embarrassing mum or a cool mum. To me I'm just a mum. But I remember being a teen with the loves and lusts and fears of a teen, I want DD to feel happy, and special and safe.

Yesterday I asked DD if she needed the 'sex talk' ....I misheard her answer and thought she said "I've already done it" I replied "Oh, bit late then, still, if there's anything you need to know - ask" she burst out laughing and said "This is why my friends think you are so cool, you don't fly off the handle with WHAT!! you just talk to me"

Talk to your teens. Love them. Be a parent. Be a friend too.

Wordy Wednesday with Malerie Page

Hello Wordy Wednesday fans! (new readers feel free to catch up by clicking the Wordy Wednesday badge on the right of the blog to see previous author interviews.) Today is a saucy one! Oh yes!

I'm proud to introduce Malerie Page, who is an independent self-published author and 'The Red Hot Bucket List' is her debut novel. She has written professionally for the past two decades and her career has involved working as a journalist and also writing non-fiction texts. She lives in the UK, but has had a long love affair with travel and gets away to far off destinations at any opportunity.

Her new novel, 'The Red Hot Bucket List' tells the story of the adventures of 24-year-old Amber Aiken-Wood as she embarks on an exciting career in Journalism in New York.

As Amber's career aspirations grow, so do her sexual desires.

She sets about exploring her boundaries by drawing up an erotic version of a bucket list and then she gets to work ticking off the items on her list – all within a self-imposed deadline of one year.

As she brings her sexual fantasies to life, she finds herself in situations beyond her wildest dreams and her life heads in an unexpected, yet exciting direction.

So, having had a cold shower, I begin the interview...

When did you start writing?
I have written stories all of my life. I learned to write at a young age and I began writing stories in Junior School and I was lucky enough to win a few competitions. I wrote privately as a teenager and then became a journalist. I always knew that I would write a novel but I am surprised it took me so long to get where I am now.
In terms of my new novel, I began work on The Red Hot Bucket List in September last year, although I wrote it on and off. It took about a total of three months overall to write and to edit it ready for publication.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?

A refreshing walk, a latte and some great sex.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?

I am pretty disciplined. I write in the day on weekdays, as much as is practical. with my other commitments. Although I do admit that sometimes I can get carried away with a storyline and then I write as often as I can at these times and so this would include spells when I am writing during little windows of time that open up in the evenings or at weekends. (I must now confess I'm wondering if the sex is scheduled too...)

Is writing your main source of income, I read lots of articles saying writers make no money, and my readers asked this question a lot! Can you survive on book writing alone? if not, what else do you do?
Currently writing fiction is not my main source of income. I have my finger in a number of other pies. I would love for it to be the case that being an author is my main source of income. Time will tell I guess.

What are your favourite biscuits? (that's cookies to american's, though I will accept crackers :-))

Jaffa Cakes - I know some people would say that they are cakes not biscuits but they are definitely classified as biscuits in our household and they are my favourite treat after a writing session! Otherwise, it would have to be a Garibaldi – they remind me of visits to my grandparents as a child.


Where do you do most of your writing?
In the house: upstairs and downstairs. I use a laptop so I can write as often (and wherever) I want. My favourite place to write though is at the kitchen table as it means that I can look out onto the garden and I have plenty of light. If I write in the study, I tend to lie on the couch with my laptop and not at the desk – that would feel like it was work to me.


What book are you reading at the moment?
Amy Poehler's 'Yes Please'.


Do you use social media (facebook, twitter, instagram etc) to engage with your audience, do you think it helps sales and do you find it fun or a chore?

I am a social media addict. I do use Facebook although I absolutely adore Twitter (@MaleriePage). I use it during the writing process, for book promotion, and to network with other authors, as well as to share any news I have with my audience. I certainly don't find it a chore. Love it, love it, love it! (me too - great to find another enthusiast)


Do you own an e-reader? and do you prefer to read digital or paper copy?

I own a Kindle, which was a birthday present. I was a relatively late convert to digital editions. Before that I loved hard copies of books and I used to have a room full of books that I had been collecting since childhood. Since then I have decluttered and now only still own those with sentimental value. I almost entirely read via an e-reader now.


Do you dream in colour?
Yes, I think so.

If reading and writing were banned, what would you do instead?
As a job, I really don't know. Writing is my world and it always has been. In terms of reading and writing as a pastime, then I would go to the cinema with my family. It is one of my favourite things to do at the moment and we don't do it enough.

What is your ideal holiday?
Italy is my 'go-to place', so it would be a holiday with some time spent in some of my favourite cities, as well as some time on one of the resorts along the Italian Riviera.

Thanks as always to our featured author, do say hi to Malerie on Twitter or leave a comment here, and as with all authors, I'm sure she'd love you to read and review her book, which you can find on amazon. More info about Malerie:

Malerie's Blog: www.maleriepage.com

Author Profile: https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/MaleriePage
Amazon https://www.amazon.com/author/maleriepage

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Top 10 things women find attractive in men

1. Beards – woman love manly bearded men, so masculine, proper man of the wild, able to protect and support a family, all that displayed in a face. Lovely. Also added benefit of tickles.
2. Smooth shaven men – women love a man with a shaved, smooth face. Demonstrating a commitment to regular grooming, clean and smart. A man that can think and make decisions, while in touch with his emotions. Added benefits, no stubble rash when kissing.
3. Muscular men – a man that has power, rippling muscles beneath the skin, at ease with himself because he can feel his own strength. A man to hold you in manly arms…Added benefit of winning cuddly toys at the test your strength machines at the fair.
4. Thin men – ah the joy of the geek, he is pale and looks like maybe he doesn’t get out much but he has a glint in his eye, a bright intelligence, a quick wit, honed form years reading or studying, or just being alone thinking. Added benefit of being able to talk about things, may cry at sad films..actually lots of men do that – don’t say I told you
5. Chubby men – something to snuggle into. A warm and cuddly bulk of a man, someone not afraid to order a starter and a dessert so you can do the same! No one likes to feel bad about what they eat. Give this man some cake. Added benefit of cake.
6. Tall men – someone to make you feel all feminine and girly, a man to tower over you, to reach high shelves, to lift you onto his shoulders at festivals. A useful man, see him tall in a crowd, looking over the heads of everyone, reporting back to tell you what’s going on. Added benefit of saving on step ladders.
7. Short men – no one likes neck ache, how fine to have a man your own height, or maybe even slightly shorter, rock those heels and make him feel like a millionaire with a hot babe on his arm. Mother him, or pretend he’s an Italian gangster (unless he is an Italian gangster, then just revel in being his ‘moll’) Added benefit of eye contact and romantic gazes.
8. Hairy men – manly to a fault, gorilla like chest hair, prefect to snuzzle on a cold evening, or to run your fingers through on a sunny day at the beach. Added benefit of warmth.
9. Smooth bodied men – naturally smooth or shaven, showing off the shape on the body beneath, no hair to get stuck in your teeth. A nice smooth skin under a white shirt, perfect to tan or to keep pale. Added benefit of lickability.
10. Being a man – women that find men attractive often find men attractive, due to them being men. Sometimes you can’t say what it is that made you look twice, or made you realise he was the one, sometimes you can’t say if it was his eye colour, his funny taste in shirts or his loud laugh. Maybe it was the way he held a tea cup or the way he flexed a bicep. Sometimes a man is just attractive and women don’t know why.

I think by now you ‘ve got the point…men (and people in general) are all different and amazingly we all like different things too, one person loves a joker, always laughing, pulling pranks; another likes a serious type, someone to be thoughtful in difficult circumstances. Where one person loves a redhead, another prefers the distinguished look of grey hair.

Shush Mr Tumble, that's a whole other post!

When I see lists on the internet of ‘Top 10 things men hate in a woman’ or ‘Top 10 things men love in a woman’ (and I’ve seen a few lately, hence this post) I want to scream!! I have rarely seen a ‘What women love in a man’ type post or even a ‘What men find attractive in men’ post but I’m sure they are out there. I’m putting this post up to remind us all that different is good and with all the amazing people in the world I’m pretty sure that if you want to find one who is perfect for you, you will.

And yes this is horribly hetero centric, because I’m straight , but it applies to all people really, I’m fairly sure straight, gay, undecided, bi, whatever, people like all sorts of other people…go forth, be single, or find a friend (or friends) have fun. Be most excellent to each other.

Ranting about sex and children

This morning a news story made me have a quick twitter rant. (just look at the poster ad!)

The rant was only a few tweets long. 

Rant mode engaged 

Free contraception for 13 year old girls to prevent teen pregnancy! Really? Not free condoms? Not any sort if support? 

Because of course, GIRLS getting pregnant is obviously GIRLS fault. No boys involved. No young men. And if 13 year olds don't get pregnant.. 

We can then ignore the fact that children are having sex. Having sex might be fun, but it's not a game. Pregnancy is not the only risk 

But hey, we can vaccinate GIRLS against hpv, we can give GIRLS drugs so they don't get pregnant...GIRLS are not sex toys 

 End rant (thanks radio 4) 

And then the more I read in replies and saw on twitter the more rage I felt. And while 140 characters is too short to express my rage I think maybe an unlimited blog is too many. I will waffle and go off the point (see I’m doing it already) So I shall attempt to briefly explain my concerns. 

I am not anti contraception for people that are going to have sex and don’t want to get pregnant. 

I am keen that children are allowed to be children and that they are not growing up to see sex as something that is ‘normal’ to do at an age that is illegal and physically (in many cases) dangerous. 

I do not want to see young girls controlled by boys who use sex as a way of dominating while declaring ‘love’.

I want all children, young adults and adults to have access to safe and reliable contraception and sexual health advice and treatment. 

I want the world at large to stop implying that ‘getting pregnant’ is the ‘teen mum’s’ fault. That girls are the only ones that need ‘watching’ and ‘controlling’. 

I want young women and young female children made aware that hormonal contraception carries a risk and won’t protect against many of the other dangers of sex. 

I want children to learn that sex is ace, but that it is a responsibility as well as fun and that waiting for the right person (or people) is not silly – it’s nice. 

I want young women and men to know that penetration is not all it’s about. And that sex and love are not the same thing. 

I want roses round the door and blue birds to sing when you meet ‘the one’ and I’d like hearts to appear in your eyes when you are looking at the one you love. 

That’s not too much to ask surely? 

Lies to tell small people ... or, What is true?

I've always had an honesty policy with my daughter. I won't lie to her.

I hear you all saying "but what of Father Christmas? What of the Tooth Fairy? how do you explain them?" and the answer is that I explain them in the same way I explain other beliefs. When DD asked me is the tooth fairy real? I responded by asking her what she thought. She said "I hope she is real, I want her to be real, I don't want her to be YOU!" so I said, well lets hope she is then, there is money under your pillow so maybe she is. Is this lying? (does she KNOW!) maybe, but it works for us. Ditto Father Christmas.

"someone at school said that Father Christmas is your parents"

"did they"

"yes, they said your parents buy all that stuff in your stocking"

"do you think I buy all that stuff? as well as all the gifts you get round the tree?"

"well......I don't know"

"do you think he's real?"

"do you?" (wowser now she's chucking it right back at me! I've taught her well)

"I've always believed in father Christmas, he brought me toys when I was small, I think that once you don't believe then maybe he stops and sometimes parents then carry on doing it"

"Yes, I think he's real, not the ones in shops though, they aren't real, they are just people dressed up"

So with all this honesty hanging about, talking the 'sex' talk was a breeze, (helped along by Babette Cole and her funny and informative book 'Mummy Laid and Egg') but what about the other great taboo in our western culture........

DEATH

Now, I know a mum that lied about death so much with her kids as they grew up that I can only assume they will never trust her again, not only (like Phoebe's mum in friends) did she fast forward videos to avoid deaths (such as Bambi's mum's) but when a much loved and very old dog died she told them it was at the hospital, this was 7 years ago, they still ask after the dog "the nurse says she's still too sick to come home" really? after 7 years? (actually because I'm honest I had told my DD that the dog died so she wouldn't ask after the dog, her friend said the dog was at the hospital and my DD piped up "No she's not, she's dead, my mum told me!" so really they are trying to catch the mum out in her big lie but I digress)

So, death, DD has always known that things die. On a purely practical level I told her, things wear out, bodies wear out too, everything dies one day, this is to make room for all the new babies, if no one died, no one could be born, the world would be still, and boring, nothing would change.

We have had pets die, there were tears, and burials. And moving on.

All good. But what happens next........where do we go when we die? Back to the old 'throw the question back' time! Where do you think we go? what do you believe? I've told DD my Christian beliefs. But pointed out that no one 'knows' as no one has ever come back to tell us. So there are lots of things people think; some people think when we die, that's it, just nothing; some people think we come back as someone or something else to live again; some believe in other worlds or places we go to like heaven; or that we stay here but invisible, like ghosts; but they are all just beliefs, no one knows for sure.

DD is happy to believe, and she also thinks maybe (as Terry Pratchett's Death has hinted) we all get what we believe we'll get when we die. (which is not always what we deserve, but there you go) That said, DD and I plan to party in heaven, where there will be pets by the way....this is confirmed by my dad who is a Rev. so he should know! Everyone will; be happy in heaven, if you are not happy without your pet, your pet will be there! so there you go (I'm guessing there may be pet free zones for those that dislike them :-))

When DD tells me that I mustn't die, I never say "I won't" (how silly to promise that!) I always use, "I don't plan on doing it anytime soon", when I or anyone else is sick and she asks if they will die, I rarely say 'no', but usually go with "I doubt it, it's only a cold" or "I hope not, but they are very ill, we must hope the Drs can help them get well". So for me telling the truth is much easier than telling little lies. And so far none have come back to bite me.......

Rainbow Bridge - a Poem about pet loss and where pets go

Christina Rossetti writes the best poetry (in my opinion) about Death

REQUIEM
When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me:
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget. I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.
From Goblin Market and other poems (1862)

REMEMBER

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
December 29, 1894

And the Plastic Joy award goes to......

Recently on twitter there have been a few tweets that have stuck around in my subconscious. There they lurk and occasionally float the surface, bob for a minute and sink again….so today they all bobbed up at once, like flotsam after a shipwreck, and caused a thought…… this blog post is the result of that thought.


So there are ‘AWARDS’ on blogs, and they are like memes in that you usually have to blog something and then pass on the award. This is a cute idea, it links blogs and introduces you to new people and new blogs. But where do these awards begin? Who creates them?


Well in this case – I do!


This award is the Plastic Joy Award. Now, I wanted to call it the plastic s*x award but guessed that that would attract bots to my (and your!) pages like blood attracts sharks to a shipwreck so…Plastic Joy. It was created in reaction to the picture above, where action man and an unamed myscene doll were caught in the act in my bathroom!


Here’s the thing, if you are awarded the Plastic Joy award you must list 5 fictional characters that ‘you would’ (you know what I’m talking about! Don’t pretend and stop sniggering at the back, I’ll speak to you after class) these should be the fictional character not ‘actors’ who play the characters on film or TV (so no David Tennant!!) but actually fictional characters themselves. You can expand on ‘why’ if you like but you can also just list them. (and leave us to comment and wonder!) Book characters would be easiest as they rely on your imagination more.....

And then, copy the pic to your blog, link back to here and pass the award on to at least 5 people. Let’s give it a whirl


1. Sherlock Holmes

2. Edward Cullen (I’m not proud of this BTW)

3. Worf (or to be fair any Klingon – I’m not even fussy!)

4. Sam Vimes (if you do not know this character run off and read some Terry Pratchett immediately. Guards Guards would be good.)

5. Superman (what’s not to like really!! He can fly too!)

so who get's this award? hmmmm

Josie

Heather, who's interesting blog is here

Geriatric Mummy, who's lovely blog has sadly closed :-(

Mediocre Mum, who's mediocre blog is here

and Hayley, another blog that has closed since this was published.

Virginity - Poor Joseph

Apparently people, Christian people, have been offended by this. I am a Chrsitian and I thought it was funny! I am not a believer in the continued virginity of Mary, seriously Joseph took on a lot with a kid that wasn't his, but taking on a young woman and no sex? oh come on! (or not!) so I think this is both funny and probably scarily accurate! Poor Joseph.

Full story at the BBC news Website