Which Christmas tree is best, fake or real?

It's the time of year for tree wars. It's like the breastfeeding vs bottle wars but with more tinsel. (unless you are a really flamboyant breast feeder!)  So before everyone starts burning each others trees down in rage I thought I'd do a quick round up of real vs fake Christmas trees.

First The Real Tree:

• It smells of loveliness and the wild outdoors and Christmas
• You don't have to store it between Christmases (a big consideration if you like a largish tree and have little storage space, no loft, garage, shed etc)
• Trees are a renewable crop just like cabbages,(not exactly like cabbages, cabbages are difficult to decorate and trees are really hard to boil)  while they grow they do breathing and stuff that is good for the planet, and they are biodegradable.
• They are pricey though - this year the price of a tree (depending on where you live) varies from £4 a foot to an eye watering £20 a foot!
• They drop needles. Yep, even the non drop varieties, and even if you spray them with non droppy needle spray stuff. Those sharp little needles get everywhere, terrible if you have a crawling baby, merely annoying otherwise (unless you are having naked sex in the lounge under the tree then all bets are off).  Hoover daily, sometimes twice.
• Insects. You might bring them in with the tree or they might decide to live there later. Whatever, it's a party villa for creepy crawlies...but in your lounge.

And the Fake Tree:

• After the initial spend (which can be considerable but often comparable to a real tree, see above) they are reusable so will become cheaper per year with the passing of time. I have an 8 ft tree I bought in 2001 and it's still in use, it cost £50 ( so £50/15 years = £3.30 per year)
• You can get wild colours to match your decor. It's a bit 80s I admit, but you can get trees to match a chic white colour scheme, or a blue Elsa and Frozen themed one...or (probably) a pink Peppa pig themed tree. In the 80s Mr TM and I had a white tinsel tree with pink baubles ... we really are too classy :-/
• They don't drop needles (don't panic, I'm going to try not to just write two lists that contradict each other) They are less mess, you can skip the hoovering.
• You can put them up as early as you like because they will always look the same! They won't get browner or lose needles and look thinner as Christmas approaches, they are as bushy on January 6th as they were on December 1st
• You don't have to trek around to find the perfect tree, after the first year you are sorted, there is the perfect tree. In your loft! (so yeah, you need storage space)
• They need to be 'put together'. Most large trees are in pieces and need some erection, and fluffing (stop that!) to get them to their prime. (DD would like to point out this is great family bonding time...she does the fluffing)

Our 15 year old tree

So there we have it. Trees for Christmas can be real or fake, each have their merits and disadvantages and your personal situation and choice will come to bear on what you get. I honestly don't think there is a right or a wrong answer. We have a fake tree. What sort of tree do you have? I'd love to see it - tweet me a picture at Tattooed Mummy or share a photo on my Facebook page, or comment below. 

Ranting and Pissed off about poor PR and lack of Coffee

Copyright: czany / 123RF Stock Photo

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good old pointless rant on the blog, but last night tipped me over the edge into being a pissed off tattooed mummy so today you have this little gem to read.

A while ago I received an invite to a sampling evening at Costa Coffee, lots of people, maybe all card holders, were invited too and I initially ignored it as it would be a rush to make it after work, but then after a reminder invite I thought ‘what the hell, might as well, a few nice snacks, some tasty coffee, might cheer up a drab Wednesday night’ so I duly sent my RSVP

Fast forward to yesterday, the Wednesday in question. Due to some bad planning I ended up working at a different site to normal, and to make matters worse had a meeting at a third location! I decided to walk to the meeting to save parking costs and as the parking is hard to come by any way, so I walked half an hour down a steep hill to my meeting. After work I realised I now had to walk up a steep hill for 30 minutes in the dark, carrying a laptop and other bags and to top it all it was now pouring with rain.

I arrived back at the car looking like a drowned rat, fed up, aching (that much walking when you have motor and sensory neuropathy is just stupid! Idiot) and now half an hour later than planned, and an hour’s drive from home and the Costa event. I thought about not going, but maybe it would be I needed, after such a miserable walk, and I’d dry out on the drive.

I arrived at the Costa Coffee shop at about 7.10pm, I saw no sign of anything Christmassy, staff were mooching about, hardly any customers…I panicked, was it the wrong Wednesday? I checked my invite and the Costa twitter feed, nope it was tonight. As I walked to the counter I was overtaken by another woman..she was deep in conversation by the time I arrived and what it boiled down to was that the staff had no clue whatsoever about the promotion! They said the manager was away on a course and no one had told them anything, they made excuses but didn’t apologise. The lady asked if there were any samples at all “no, not really” they replied. She looked annoyed, unsurprisingly as she seemed to have brought a friend (we were promised extra club card points for bringing a friend) I stood listening, incredulous, and then, almost in tears, I left. Seriously pissed off.

But my fun evening didn’t end there, I realised my petrol light had come on in the car so went to the garage to fill up, a car on the forecourt had broken down and was being pushed into a parking place by the owners, the garage attendant was telling them they couldn’t leave the car there and they were arguing. As I was paying for my fuel they were still messing about, when the garage lady ran into the kiosk shouting ‘call security!! They are threatening to jump start the car, right over the main tanks, they won’t be told!!’ Wowser, maybe my night could get worse, maybe I’d be blown up!

As you will see, I wasn’t. I paid and scarpered, arriving home over an hour late, pissed off, wet, hungry, achy, tired and cold. Only cheap wine and twitter (and a cheeky young man threatening to send *ahem* personal DMs to me) cheered me up.

This morning my hips are so painful I can hardly walk.
So, moan over…how was your day?

How to buy online (a guide for those of us who would sneer at a guide to buying online)

My good friend Ruth had one of those experiences that can make you cry or make you stronger. I suspect this one did both. It also made her realise that others could learn from her experience, so I agreed to host her guide on my blog (as she doesn't have a blog)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

How to buy online (a guide for those of us who would sneer at a guide to buying online)
By Ruth (off of famous singing duo Moss&Jones) 

I’ve been buying stuff online since the 90s, when I had to go into a little internet café on North John Street in Liverpool to get online. If someone had offered me advice on how to buy online a few weeks ago, I’ll be honest; I’d have laughed! However, I think those of us who were early adopters of online shopping have become complacent; we barely think before we click. This isn’t about card fraud or identity theft (although those things do happen) but about what to do when what you’re buying is really important, or you need it for a deadline, or it is hand-made.
Or all three of those things, like, say, a wedding dress.

I was let down at the last minute by a dressmaker of very reasonably priced bespoke mediaeval style dresses on eBay. I bought from eBay in the first place because, well, did I mention it was reasonably priced (under £200, which admittedly is still really dear, but not compared to most bespoke wedding dresses) and mediaeval style? I would have looked like the Waterhouse painting of the Lady of Shallot, in the boat. (Except not going to my doom, obviously.) The dressmaker had excellent feedback; nearly all five stars, so I felt utterly comfortable buying from her. I’d left it a bit late to buy so I contacted her to check she could do it; she promised in a message that I’d have it on time.

Five weeks later, just days before the wedding,  after trying frantically to contact her for about a week (as my dress hadn’t arrived), I ended up having to make a claim for my money back through PayPal, and looking for an alternative dress, last minute, through tears.
Now, much as the temptation to name and shame (or train pigeons to go to her house and poo down her chimney) is overwhelming, I want to do something more constructive that might help other people. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, so I’ve written a little ten point guide to buying (or selling) a wedding dress (or other important/hand-made/deadline-required item) online.

Buyers:
1.    Buy as early as you can. In the dressmaker’s weirdly passive-aggressive missive to me after it all went sour she tried to blame me for leaving it too late. One might suggest that she was at fault for promising she could still do it to such a tight deadline in the first place (weeks, not days, by the way) of course, but I suspect she saw pound signs and promised more than she could deliver.
2.    Speak to them on the telephone before buying. I know, making ‘phone calls these days is a bit passé, but down the line you’ll want to be able to get in touch with the seller immediately, rather than having to wait for replies to messages that may not come. Telephone their listed number before buying. If it doesn’t work, or they don’t respond to messages when you’re thinking of buying, think how much less motivated they might be to answer a call once they actually have your money! Find out how much other work they have on. How long do they usually take? Set some parameters too; when do they think they’ll be able to send? Is it okay to “nag” them to ask for information? How often? Once a week? Will they tell you if there are problems (e.g. with their own supplier)? Be polite, obviously, but do remember this is a business transaction, and a good seller will respect this and not be offended by you asking them questions.
3.    In addition to telephone calls, however, do get everything in writing. The dressmaker in question wanted me to use Etsy to contact her (despite the fact I’d bought through eBay). I did as she asked, but sent copies of Etsy messages to her eBay account, too, and this was useful when I came to get my money back.
4.    Contrary to what I said about ‘phone calls with the seller, please bear in mind that if you buy through eBay and need to speak to a representative there, their “live chat” service is much quicker than waiting for an hour to get through on the telephone. I’m not sure with other online stores, mind you.
5.    Use PayPal! I hadn’t realised this, but PayPal’s buyer protection is really good at covering you in the event something goes wrong. I got my money back immediately with little hassle. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have had the dress, but still, at least I got my money back.
6.    Have a backup plan. In the worst case scenario, what are you going to do? Is there another shop that sells similar items? What’s the latest you can leave it before ordering from them if you original item doesn’t come? Make sure that this is the deadline for your preferred supplier (and make sure they’re aware of this), so that if they cannot fulfil your order in time, you can still get your backup.
7.    Consider buying from an online shop whose physical presence is still relatively local. That way if it does get to near the deadline, a same-day courier might not be too horrifically expensive, or if you have a nice friend with a car, they could even offer to collect.

Sellers:
8.    Honesty. If you can’t fulfil the order, as soon as you know, tell the buyer. Never take on a project you think there’s even a small chance you can’t finish.  Yes, that does mean you might make a little less in the short term, but in the long term, the damage to your reputation from taking on orders you can’t complete could ruin your business. If you can’t fulfil an order, why not have a list of similar sellers who might be able to? You never know, if you build up a good rapport you might end up sending each other business.
9.    Communication, communication, communication. Keep in touch with your buyer at regular intervals to let them know where you’re up to. If there are any problems, let them know immediately and give them a range of options. When you’ve sent the item, tell them. Understand that if it’s something really important to them, they might be a bit stressed, and some of their communication might appear a little short (buyers, see 3., do try to be polite). Try not to take it personally, unless they are actually downright rude.
10.    If it all really does go utterly pear shaped, and they leave negative feedback, don’t then respond with a nasty reply. It makes you look REALLY bad and they’ll only report you to eBay anyway to get the comment removed. It’ll say, “comment removed by eBay” underneath. How do you think THAT will make you look?


I am very lucky, in that I now have an alternative dress; it’s not quite as amazing as my original, but it’s pretty, fun, and I’m the bloody bride, so anyone who says any different will get in trouble! The wedding’s this Sunday, and it’ll be magic. Besides, I might not have my dream dress… but I have my dream spouse.