Wordy Wednesday with Alasdair Stuart

Good afternoon readers! Are you bored of the EU Referendum talk? of course you are - why not settle back with a cup of your favourite beverage and get to know my author of the week, Alasadair Stuart.

Tell us about yourself Alasdair, and tell us about your books, what genre do you write?

I grew up on the Isle of Man which is a little scrap of land halfway between England and Ireland. Culturally that meant I was sort of half and half. It also gave me a rich sense of knowing how to make my own fun. My friends were all the same but where one made a mountain board and another experimented, briefly, with homemade napalm.

He’s fine by the way
I watched out the video store and was at the cinema every week.
I dove into stories and realized I wanted to write them as well as read them. So, I went to University, discovered that landmasses wider than 30 miles are a thing and started writing.
It took a long time, and still is, but it’s worked out pretty well. I work regularly as an RPG designer and wrote two of the Doctor Who incarnation sourcebooks, which was really good fun. I also write lots of pop culture journalism, most recently for Tor and Fox Spirit Books. I’m just starting to get back into fiction too.
My big job though is as the host of Pseudopod, a weekly horror fiction podcast I’ve hosted for nine years. I love that, and I love the company too, which also produces an SF show called Escape Pod, a fantasy show called Podcastle, a YA show called Cast of Wonders and a quarterly magazine called Mothership Zeta. I actually bought the company a couple of years ago too, so my fiancé and I have been getting it into shape. Its fun, and HARD and going pretty well.

Do you have another job or are you a full time author?
Right now I’m full time which is always nice when it happens and the projects line up like that. Shortly I’ll probably be looking for something part time to bring a little extra money in and that’s a system that works well for me. I’ve worked as an office cleaner, a receptionist, an office admin, a comic store manager and a few other things and all of them have been fun. But this is what I love.

When did you start writing?
When I was 10 I wrote a story about a large, friendly yellow dog. That was it, I was doomed.

I spent my teens teaching myself how to write fiction, and, slowly, realizing I needed to NOT WRITE IN BLOCK CAPITALS. Then I branched out into non fiction, and concentrated on that for a little while. Then RPG writing and podcasting came on stream and now, fiction’s coming back on as well. So for close to three decades I’ve been writing various things.

What 3 things are guaranteed to make you smile?
-Seeing my fiancé, Marguerite, at the end of the day. She’s the love of my life: )

The others vary day by day but right now the two that always work are:

-This remix of the Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy theme and Journey of the Sorceror, the original music. I love this piece of music but this version is especially great.

-The line ‘Hey goons, thugs and bosses! Guess what? I BROUGHT COLOSSUS!’ in the Deadpool rap from the recent movie.

I grew up around a lot of comedy of a lot of different types and I find a lot of stuff very funny. It does change but those are the ones right now.

Do you have any pets?
No, although we are looking seriously at both a dog and a cat in the near future

Who is your favourite author? Do they influence your writing or are they a total break from the sort of thing you write?
Oh I have a bunch. Henry Rollins’ spoken word work was a huge influence on me. Also Warren Ellis, especially with Transmetropolitan and Matt Wallace with the Slingers and Sin Du Jour series.

Which book(s) are you reading at the moment?
A good spread actually:

-The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan. I’m a massive foodie and very enthusiastic amateur cook and Pollan’s take on food fascinates me. He wraps it up in history and economics and speaks with the clarity of an author who has clearly thought a huge amount about each word. His Netflix series, Cooked, is pretty much a must see.

-Donnybrook by Frank Bill. A collection of monstrously awful people come together at the Donnybrook, an annual and massively illegal bareknuckle fighting tournament to settle their differences. Southern gothic with a rich vein of western to it. Beautiful language, horrible characters, both compelling.

-Afterlife by Maxximillian Dafoe. Maxximillian does these wonderful, vined, complex stories about not-quite LA and not quite now that trip you up in the best way. Mollyville, her last novel, is haunting in the same way Wild Palms or Raymond Carver is. Afterlife, which I’m most of the way through, is no exception.

-The X-Files Season 10 Volume 3-I’m an avid comics reader (And former storeowner, occasional write and frequent journalist in the field) and I’m happily chewing my way through the comic version of season 10 right now. It’s much more in line with the original show than the relaunch season was and so far way more fun.


Where do you do most of your writing?
At home in my office for the most part. However, three times a week or so I try and get out of the house and write for a couple of hours in a local coffee shop. I live in Milton Keynes and there’s a brilliant coffee shop/juice bar on the station called Peel. That’s my usual spot. Although sometimes I’ll push through to the 24 hour Starbucks nearby when I need a fix or to remind myself what Californian coffee shops look like.


Tell us about the character that you've written that you like the most - no spoilers!
My first novel, which like most first novels is going to live in a trunk forever, featured a journalist who was gloriously peppery. It wasn’t that he was a bad guy or anything, he was just a devious little sod who didn’t let little things like technically breaking the law a bit get in the way of a story. I loved writing him and while the novel may never see the light of day he probably will again.


What is your favourite biscuit?
Hovis digestives. Delicious, great with cheese and apple and they were the first snack Marguerite and I ever shared. (I approve this choice)

Tea or Coffee?
Both! Occasionally at the same time! Coffee during the day, tea in the afternoon and evening. And water, so much water. Seriously, my fiancé is Californian and she firmly believes England as a country would become much nicer overnight if everyone actually hydrated.

And…the weather improved but hey…babysteps.

In the film of your life who would play you? (why)
Dara O’Brian or Henry Rollins. O’Brian because we share a similar hairline and avuncular widebeam Celtic enthusiasm. Rollins because he’s one of the reasons I made it out of my adolescence alive and I get my work ethic, love of doing things and eloquence from him.

If you could genetically cross an animal and a vegetable, what would you pick and why? I like the idea of a potato and a sloth...could you get a lazier creature? (my soul mate)
An avocado and a bear. So when the bear shed its winter coat, we’d have unlimited (but maybe slightly furry) avocado.

And now some extra goodies and links to Alasdair's various online personas and works!

Alasdair writes for Tor.com, MCM Buzz and Fox Spirit.

Tor.com

MCM Buzz

Fox Spirit

He has a book out through Fox Spirit collecting the early essays from Pseudopod

The Pseudopod Tapes

And he also writes tabletop RPG games, most recently for the Doctor Who game

6TH Doctor Sourcebook

10th Doctor Sourcebook

Alasdair's blog which is food, exercise and enthusiasm about pop culture is at alasdairstuart.com

And he tweets at @AlasdairStuart

As always, come chat on Twitter or Facebook - my Facebook page likes your likes :-)

Wordy Wednesday with Kirsty Smith

Wordy Wednesday is here again and this week I would like to introduce Kirsty Smith!

In her career as a TV Producer working in magic and comedy, Kirsty Smith introduced Russell Brand to an erotic lady wrestler, locked two presenters in a cage with 60 chickens for a week, and was made to magically appear dressed as a Morris Dancer from a giant pair of underpants. Now at home with two small children, life is almost exactly the same but even funnier and with added rice cakes. She blogs at www.eehbahmum.com  and has written for The Daily Telegraph, The Metro, The New Statesman and The Huffington Post.

You must admit she sounds quite a fun person! So let's see what secrets I can winkle from her in my Wednesday author interview.

Why did you start writing?
I honestly can’t remember I’ve always written. As a teenager I wrote a whole edition of Just 17 magazine on my own in my bedroom which is in no way weird. I’ve got boxes in the loft filled with terrible poems, rubbish short stories and plotlines for really bad films. Now I have a blog instead which saves space. (Teenage poems are the best! I hope they are suitably dramatic and emo)

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
No children - (sorry kids), no internet and no phone calls asking me what’s for dinner. Just leave me alone.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
Pretty much every day I think waiting til the mood strikes sounds marvellous but impractical.

What are your favourite biscuits? And would you have them with tea or coffee?
Tunnocks. All of them. I’d have a Caramel with tea. And then a teacake with  coffee. And then a snowball on it’s own even though it’s not technically even a biscuit. (sponsorship no doubt pending...)

Where do you do most of your writing?
Wherever. I don’t have a special desk or anything fancy. I write a lot in my head while I’m running or walking through town. I can write in a busy cafe, at home in the kitchen or in the car while my daughter is at gymnastics.

What book(s) are you reading at the moment?
I’ve just finished Agatha Christies autobiography. I’ve read it at least 3 times, I first discovered Agatha Christie when I was at primary school her life spanned the Victorian age through both wars and she spent a lot of time in Iraq and Syria on archaeological digs. Her writing has filled theatres, tv screens and movie theatres and she started because her sister said ‘I bet you couldn’t write a book’. I love her. I have just started Go set a  watchman and am also reading the Virago book of women gardeners -I’m aware that makes me sound really, really old.

What was your favourite school subject? and was it the one you were best at?
Languages, I studied French and German at university, although I was never that good at grammar. Speaking French is mainly waving your arms around and saying ‘bof!’ a lot. (well that sounds simple enough...)

Did you have a good or bad 2015?
2015 was great. I wrote a freaking book! And I potty trained my son. And we bought a house. And I didn’t sit on the floor of the supermarket and cry at any point which is always a bonus.

Do you have writing plans for 2016? Are they secret or could you share a teaser?
I am working on some comedy scripts, based on the blog and the book and I have started writing a novel.

If you could have any job in the world except being an author, what would you choose and why?
I’d be a tv scriptwriter...please!

If you could genetically cross and animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently thinking of runner bean eels, bright green surprisingly crunchy but easy to breed in the often flooded UK.
Kiwi fruit crossed with flies! They’d be tiny, furry buzzy things and when you squished one it would be all tasty and green. Also kiwi fruit are already furry so I reckon they’d be happy to co-operate. (Nice!)

If you could take any fictional character out for lunch, who would you choose and why? And where do you think you'd go to eat?
I want to hang out with Anna Madrigal at 28 Barbary Lane, we’d get stoned and skip lunch. I  adored the whole world created by Armistead Maupin it felt like a million miles away from my life as a teenager in rural Yorkshire but at the same time like home. Plus my subsequent San Francisco obsession led me to discover Amy Tan. When I realised I’d finished reading all of Maupin’s books I cried for days.
 I was bereft !

Kirsty is the Author of How to Have a Baby and Not Lose your Shit

How to Have a Baby and Not Lose your Shit is for women who want to start a family but are not sure quite how 'into' babies they are. Women who have no intention of ever making their own Play-Doh (yes, that's a thing). Women who think that babies are a teeny, weeny bit boring.
Appealing to new and expectant mums (as well as existing mothers who will identify with many of the experiences!) this is not a book about surviving parenting: having a baby is not an ordeal, it's a brilliant life-affirming experience. This book is about enjoying parenting but acknowledging its challenges, about how you can love your children to the moon and back but still not like having fingers that smell of poo.

Wordy Wednesday with Stephenie Siviter

Some time ago I fell in love with a blog. The blog and the blogger were new at the time, but with time comes experience and now I'm happy to share her writing with you for Wordy Wednesday.

The writer I'm talking about is Stephanie Siviter, and you can read what I thought of her blog in 2013, here. But fast forward to today, let's see what's changed.

So Stephanie, when did you start writing?
I can't remember a time I didn't write, from awful diaries, to teen angst poetry, to ridiculously long group emails (before blogs existed) to about 67 half started novels. So as soon as I could hold a pen I think.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing? Inspiration, a few minutes peace from the kids, tea.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
I can't write to a schedule. I can't write if someone tells me to (or read). I only write when I get a spark of inspiration. I only write when I HAVE to write.

What are your favourite biscuits?
Plain digestives. Mcvities and no other brand will do.

Where do you do most of your writing?
in bed on my laptop while the house sleeps.

What memorable books or blogs have you read in 2015?
Lots of fellow mum blogs - particularly the ones on Mumsnet frontpage. I haven't read a book all the way through for about three years due to attention span and having babies. haha I know the feeling, though I blame twitter

Have you had a good or bad 2015 and why do you think it was good (or bad) ?
2015 has been hectic. I had my second baby (last baby) and finally married their daddy. I'll look back on it as one of the best - but I have been so busy and stressed probably not stopped to appreciate it enough. oh a baby and a wedding, no wonder it was hectic, though it sounds lovely as well.

If you could genetically cross an animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently keen on a poppy seed ant, it could sprinkle itself over your loaf.
I don't understand this question. And however much I try all I can see are spider sprouts - if it's ok I'll leave this one. Still shuddering at the idea of ants on my bread. I'm leaving this in purely because it made me laugh so much! hahahahahah

Have you any new books planned for 2016? Do book ideas pop into your head unexpectedly or do you sit and plan them?
I have had an idea for a book for over a year now and hope to finally start it next year. It's about the dark reality and dark comedy of motherhood and being a stay at home mum ... with a big twist. ooh a teaser, sounds intriguing.

If you could bring a dead person back from the dead for one day to have tea and a natter with them, who would you choose and why?
It would be my teaching mentor from when I started teaching in 2004. I was on a year out to Australia when he was diagnosed with cancer and he died within such a short amount of time I never got to say goodbye. I also never got to tell him how much he meant to me. I joked many times about how annoyed I would be by his helpful suggestions during teaching. But the truth was he was a bit of a father figure and I loved him very much. Not a day of teaching passes without me thinking about him and I wish I had got to tell him how thankful I was. He always called me Bridget because of my single status and I'd love to tell him about my two babies and husband. When you get older you realise who are truly good souls - and I wish I could have told him what an amazing man he was. He was called Pete.

You can read my poetry and honest take on being a parent at http://www.mummyswritingdarling.co.uk/

You can buy Stephanie's books on Amazon, from 80p! you'd be a fool not to.


Thank you to Stephanie for taking part. I'm looking forward to hearing more about your new book.

A handmade Christmas (maybe just not by you) A Gift Guide

Every year I pick some sort of theme for a Christmas gift guide, and this year I decided to go with the personal feel of a handmade item. Small producers of special things for your special people.

I am a bit of a fan of Pinterest and its hilarious suggestions for making things, I say hilarious, because honestly, some border on the totally loopy, I even started a board there specifically for ideas that I felt were doomed to failure (such as making a chocolate bowl by drizzling melted chocolate over a balloon...I imagine the heat of the chocolate bursting the balloon leaving both the kitchen and the bowl creator covered in melted gloop...but I digress). To avoid any failure and yet still have something unique and special, while simultaneously helping 'the little guy' rather than a large corporation, why not try some of these options.

Let's kick of with some Fun Knitted Hats from ...Fun Knitted Hats! The clue is in the name, they are fun and knitted and are hats, pretty funny actually, how about buying a brain for the brainless one in the family? Or something more Christmassy? (Do you want to build a snowman?)  Check out Fun Knitted hats for more details.

Snowman hat from Fun Knitted Hats

Or if quirky and warm is not your thing how about something tiny and delightful from Crafty Bettie Brown, some really lovely models and jewellery in miniature, and she assures me she can make anything (!) You can see her work on her facebook page or buy things at her Etsy Store. I am a huge fan of tiny cakes, but there are some rather fine things on the Etsy page too, such as a Mr Toad cameo necklace. Lovely individual items.

Tiny Cakes from Crafty Bettie Brown

And tiny book for the secret reader

Too small for you? Ok then how about a fine Tartan teddy bear from BN1BrightonMum, who prides herself on not only teddies (which are gorgeous, suitable for adults as well as children and will surely brighten any room) but on fabric brooches too. Other bears also available and brooches in a myriad of colours. Check out the range at her Etsy Shop.

Tartan Bear from BN1Brightonmum

Have a small person to buy for? I can recommend the lovely Nic at The Daphne Tree and her Etsy shop of goodies, she will make beautiful applique items, baby onesies or tops, or even bunting and cushions (I love the toadstool one) Do have a browse, your baby (or a friend's baby) would look so dapper dressed in a hot air balloon T shirt , or contact Nic for a bespoke item!

T from The Daphne Tree

Cushion from The Daphne Tree

 
Something a little romantic? What about the shine of silver? I adore the jigsaw piece necklace at Argentology and the leaf is too pretty and delicate. At very reasonable prices for a unique silver piece they would be gorgeous gifts.

Jigsaw pendant from Argentology

Leaf Pendant from Argentology

 Something more colourful but still in the jewellery line, my twitter friend Allen makes lovely glass and semi precious stone items  and sells them via his Etsy shop. I simply adore the sea glass necklace (for the mermaid in your life?) and the autumnal hues of the Carnelian necklace would brighten a dark winter day.

Sea Glass necklace

Carnelian Necklace

Something for a Christmas stocking, or to post or for the book lover? I do love these sweet felt book marks and brooches from MysteryHM via her Etsy Shop. MysteryHM is pleased to make bespoke orders and loves geeky things especially! So if you need a book mark for a Pokemon fan or a Tardis brooch I think she may be the place to call!

Heart Brooch from MysteryHM

Snow White Book mark from MysteryHM

So there are some suggestions for you armchair shoppers that love a little something special. I hope you enjoyed the virtual tour and maybe found the perfect gift.

Wordy Wednesday Author Interview with Andy Stanton

This week on Wordy Wednesday we have the lovely children's author - Andy Stanton*. Both DD and I have loved the delicious dark humour of his Mr Gum series, and I can reveal that Mr Stanton is also a fine fellow to go out for a drink with and gives good hugs. His books are aimed at ...well I'm not really sure, children certainly, odd people too, any one that likes a laugh and enjoys a catch phrase or two too. 

Since Andy hasn't written a new story in awhile he sent me a photo in which he is holding not his own book, but one he likes.

I asked, and he answered...

When did you start writing?

I always liked writing silly stuff at school. It was pretty out there – if I look back at what I was writing when I was eight or nine there’s very little difference between those stories and ‘Mr Gum’. I was always a fan of bizarre humour and pushing things to the limit and then a little bit beyond the limit and then a little bit beyond that. And then a bit further again. And then, just when you thought it couldn’t get any more extreme, I’d push it just that bit further. And then – well, you get the idea. Even the teachers who liked me would often ask me to rein it in. 
There was one teacher I really fancied – Miss Yates. She was a big fan of my primary school writing and I listened to her. Once she commented that my writing was really funny but that, without any emotional content, it was getting somewhat tiresome. That was a good lesson and from then on I’d always try to leaven funny stuff with emotion. In a way she was my first editor. It wasn’t until many years later that I actually pulled together all the lessons I’d learnt and really decided to finish a piece of work. 
I was twenty eight when I wrote the first ‘Mr Gum’ and it was mainly written in one night, after years of frustration… It all came flooding out. I forgot about it for a couple of years but eventually rediscovered it in a heap of papers in my room. Sent it off, and it was eventually published in 2006, when I was thirty two or so. So I took my time to get started.


What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
Coffee, music (not while actually writing but between bouts) and a kiss from a pretty girl. At the moment I’m lacking opportunities for the third one so the writing’s not going so great.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?

I’m feast or famine. I go ages without any schedule, but once I’ve actually got my teeth into a story then I’ll work round the clock to get it done. I’ll try to get some sleep but two hours later I’ll jump out of bed with a new idea to add to the mix, or a way to fix a scene… It’s intense once I get to that place, it’s a real push to the finish line.

Is writing your main source of income, I read lots of articles saying writers make no money, and my readers asked this question a lot! Can you survive on book writing alone? if not, what else do you do?

I’m lucky, writing has become my full time job. Book sales and events are what keep me in Jaffa Cakes and CDs.

What are your favourite biscuits?

Jaffa Cakes and CDs.

Where do you do most of your writing?

Almost exclusively I write from home. Sometimes I’ll go to cafes to write but home works best. I mostly write on computer but if I get really stuck I sometimes switch to pencil and paper. 
The first half of ‘Mr Gum and the Dancing Bear’ was written longhand, to break me out of a blank spell of looking at a computer screen and deleting everything I wrote. Writing on paper’s a good workaround sometimes because you can’t just delete an idea – you can scribble it out but it’s still there. It changes how you think and that can be a good thing. Once I’d hand-written the first half of ‘Dancing Bear’ I knew I’d broken the back of it. I came home, typed the thing up and did the rest on the computer.
I remember finishing the first draft in bed, at five thirty in the morning. As soon as I finished I knew it was a good one. And I knew what I was going to change for the second draft. There’s usually some major plot changes between my first and second drafts, I’m typically not satisfied with the first version, by the time I’ve got there I’ve had a better idea…
What book are you reading at the moment?

‘Brothas Be, Yo Like George, Ain't That Funkin' Kinda Hard on You?: A Memoir’ by George Clinton with Ben Greenman. 
I’m a massive fan of Funkadelic and Parliament and the book is sensationally interesting and thought-provoking. 
Other books I’ve read recently include ‘The Inheritors’ by William Golding and ‘A High Wind In Jamaica’ by Richard Hughes. The latter is hilarious and dark. It’s not a children’s book but it gets into the psychology of young children better than any book I can think of. It’s a forgotten classic. 
Oh, and I just finished Peter Ackroyd’s biography of Charlie Chaplin. I mostly read fiction but I do like a good biography.

Do you use social media (facebook, twitter, instagram etc) to engage with your audience, do you think it helps sales and do you find it fun or a chore?

No, I was on Twitter for awhile but it became a distraction. I’m not strong enough to turn it off and get back to work, I have to keep checking to see if I got any retweets or mentions or whatever. 
After I read ‘The Circle’ by Dave Eggers I came off Twitter for good (though never say never). Personally I’m not a fan of writers using social media as a sales tool. I think it uses up a lot of time which could be better employed elsewhere. If you’re not selling a lot of books, I don’t think social media will add many zeros to your figures. And if you are – then you don’t need it to sell books. But that’s just my stance. I’m sure there are plenty of writers who get a kick out of doing it, and perhaps it is helpful for some. If it works for you, do it.


Do you own an e-reader? and do you prefer to read digital or paper copy?

I have a Kindle and I love it. I also increasingly read on my phone. I like the instant accessibility of e-books, I often see someone reading an interesting-looking book on the train - and within a minute I’ve downloaded it and am reading it myself. In many cases I don’t care what I’m reading on, it’s the words that count. But there’s all sorts of added value that actual books provide. 
For reference and cross-checking: hard copy. Picture books: hard copy. Graphic novels: hard copy. I could go on. Also, it seems that the growth of e-books is pushing publishers to produce really beautiful editions of books… It’s an ongoing balance and I hope that ‘real’ books never die out. I’m a pragmatic romantic. In terms of my own books, the hard copies are way better than the e-versions. We do stuff with fonts and design that haven’t been translated into the Kindle versions. I love seeing kids reading actual books and I love it at book signings when I get to sign some dog-eared copy of ‘Mr Gum’. The best ones are when the kid’s obviously been reading in the bath and it’s fallen in and the book’s now the size of a soufflé. That’s real love.

Do you dream in colour?

I think so but it’s hard to say for sure. I’ll try to observe my next few dreams and get back to you on that.

If reading and writing were banned, what would you do instead?
I’d read and write in secret. Others would be doing it too. Soon we’d come creeping back up through the cracks. You can’t stop something that powerful, or not for long.

A huge thanks for the answers, some really made me think, I like the idea that paper changes the way you write, I hadn't thought of that before but of course it makes sense. I also like the idea that there is something tangible to show the process, a historical record. The issues around printed books becoming more beautiful is also true, I've noticed gorgeous bound copies of both new books and classics in my local bookshop which make you itch to own them. 
My favourite answer was the last, I love the idea of secret writers, and secret readers. Shades of  the firemen in Fahrenheit 451 spring to mind. Here's hoping the muse strikes Andy again soon, (not with a frying pan) and a kiss inspires some new tales.

In the meantime, dear reader,  if you would like to read some of the horrible adventures of Mr Gum you can find them here and in all good book shops.

*I'm not sure if that means Andy is lovely or the children he writes for are...you decide 

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The day I stole my daughters Ed Balls fame

So on Ed Balls Day in 2013 my daughter made a cake.

I guess Ed Balls day was still fairly new, no one got excited. We ate the cake. The world moved on.

This year on 28th April I tweeted

Cake for breakfast! After all...it's Ed Balls day! Have a good one! #EdBalls #EdBallsDay pic.twitter.com/K325rdkKWO

— Tattooed_Mummy (@tattooed_mummy) April 28, 2015

and thought not much more about it, it still tickled me that we had made an Ed Balls cake but otherwise...well that was it.

And then, someone rounding up witty Ed Balls themed tweets shared it on a list. Then The Guardian mentioned the tweet. Then Mashable shared the tweet, and Buzzfeed shared the tweet, then The Metro picked up on it. Finally it appeared on the BBC News website.

My daughter was livid. I had foolishly (because I hadn't been thinking) failed to mention her or mention that it was 'her cake'. I was 'famous' for five minutes, my daughter was not.

She is proud of her cake, and furious at me. Here, have some cake.

My relationship with food

I would say that food and I are in a committed relationship. As long as I can remember food has been there for me, keeping me alive, sometimes treating me to something nice.

As a child food was a great friend, and like all friends food would sometimes not be fun, there would be greens and porridge and healthy salad. We would row sometimes, I would refuse to have anything to do with food for meals at a time, but we stayed good friends throughout, until I left home at 16 and we got serious. Now food and I could go all the way. Suddenly food and I were into kinky things, ice cream for breakfast, snacking in bed at midnight. Some days I worried that food was going off me, making me spotty because I no longer ate the serious boring things...was our relationship floundering? Could we survive together. I shouldn't have worried, even when I was struggling for cash and living in a bedsit food stayed with me, slightly more boring but still there, we soldiered on. I still wanted food and food still wanted me, we just got together less often.

And of course eventually the initial passionate freedom phase settled down into a comfortable adult relationship. When I got a better job and no longer struggled, food would suggest weekend treats and I'd give in and we'd sit together in a cafe watching the world go by. Sometimes I would bake something sweet and special and over a week food and I would still spend lustful moments together.

Now I'm grown up and food and I are still close. We have a serious and committed relationship, never a day goes by when we don't see each other, but food knows there are boundaries, that my life is not all about food, some days food must take a back seat.

Food blames alcohol, but I think in an open relationship I should be able to see other calories, alcohol and I hook up at weekends, we have a laugh. Usually food is OK with this, sometimes food is there too. And when I feeling really saucy, food, alcohol and I party late into the evening. I know food loves me best though, because alcohol never joins me for breakfast, but food does.

Food and I, committed, in love, a proper relationship.

Love you food xx

see you at tea time.

Valentine Gift Ideas - With Flamingo Gifts

I was recently made aware of Flamingo Gifts. A simply wonderful online retailer of all things lovely! I was almost instantly in love with the site and that love was set fast after they sent me some pretty things to play with!

I can't help thinking they are the perfect place to buy Valentines Gifts. They really do have something for every one. I decided to do a top ten, but it was hard to restrict my love of the goodies on offer to ten, so if you need to know what I really love, check out the new Pinterest Board I made just for Flamingo Gift products (yes they are that good!)

So here are my Top Ten Gift Ideas for the one you love (also suitable for birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas etc)

1. I'm going to start with a slushy romantic one but we all know that I will get silly soon. This is rather adorable though and would also make a lovely wedding present.At only £5.99 and 1p postage it's not going to break the bank either, so if you are on a budget you can still spoil your significant other.

And they lived happily ever after £5.99

2. Next is a more personal idea, something for the one you love rather than the home, and yes it's a teeny bit cheeky, perfect for holding business cards or little love letters, or even french letters (see what I did there?) The perfect gift for your mummy or daddy blogger other half?

Condoms pocket Box - £5.94

3. Next in my countdown of awesome gifts, the cute and practical Clippy bag - fill with your own photos (no downloading beard pics off the internet, laminating them and using them, that would be wrong, and I certainly haven't done that with mine!) to personalise it and make it the cutest Valentine ever, you could add little love notes too!

Clippy Photo bag - £8.00

4. Still on a bag theme (we can never have too many!) For the romantics how about a weekend bag? Let your loved one know you fancy a weekend away..or maybe that you are thinking of taking them on a quick get away (I hear Brighton is nice) Stylish and unusual, a really great bag!

Weekend Bag - £39.99

5. Or why not show your love that you want them to be your companion by buying them this super Tardis Shower curtain, I'm not convinced it will make your shower cubicle or bath bigger on the inside but you could try it out - let me know how many people you manage to squeeze in!

Dr Who Tardis Shower curtain - £24.99

6. Something beautiful for the beautiful one in your life? These bangles showered with tiny hearts are just adorable. Unusual and pretty they will set off any outfit (top tip - don't present your girlfriend with a jewellery box on Valentines day unless you are proposing marriage!)

Heart Bangles in gold plate - £16.99

7. If you have a real fire, or like to cosy around a garden fire pit then these mystical coloured fire dust sachets are just the romantic thing. 10 sachets for £12.99 with each sachet giving you around about 30 minutes of colour changing flames. So snuggly. Let your lover know they light your fire *nudge nudge*

Fire Changing Dust - £12.99 for 10 sachets

8. Ok how about something more light hearted - maybe you are only just into a relationship and you don't want to go all crazy yet..how about something bacon themed! Flamingo Gifts have so many awesome bacon flavoured and scented stuff I really don't know where to start - click the picture to see the range, honestly they are warped, they really love bacon...so...go bacon!

Bacon Candy  - £5.50

9. Oh and who could resist a retro tin to keep all those love letters, cinema tickets, photos and romance memorabilia in? Flamingo gifts have a beautiful range of Wu & Wu retro tins, from biscuit tins, sewing kits, tea and coffee tins to this colourful 'Special Things' tin...if you are feeling very flash why not pop two tickets to Paris inside...or a pizza voucher , your call.

Peacock Tin - £8.99

10. And finally for anyone pissed off at Valentines day and feeling pretty miffed and unloved, why not treat yourself to a gift. Flamingo Gifts stock a huge range of Lolita hand painted glasses at £16.99 they really are lovely (they sent me a tattoo themed one to try out!) Beautifully packaged and large enough to have a proper drink! Also pretty enough to use as decoration. Too nice to hide in a cupboard. Check out the range on the site. But this one, is just for you.

Single and Loving It Wine Glass - £16.99

Big thanks to Flamingo Gifts for letting me try some of their fab items, and I'm certain I'll be visiting often for gifts in the future. Such lovely things.

Do check the Pinterest Board for more of my favourites.

A little news round up (nothing sad)

​ And now ladles and jellyspoons, a round up of the odder side of life. I love to read the other news, the funny things , the weird things that life throws at us. So here is my news roundup

Random Drinks anyone? After all - it IS Christmas!

First up, an inspiration to us all - a sausage dog (initially more sausage than dog) shed 50lbs and poses for a calendar. Amazing before and after photos. ​

Next up - a cute proposal story to help us oldies recall those fond days of youthful dating. More great photos to make you smile there.

And how about this guy that decides that 'asking for it' really is the way forward at Christmas, a truly 'non sleazy' way to get those Christmas kisses

Back in the UK there is happy news about an injured parrot after the Scottish SPCA arrive to rescue it

And how big a family is too big? 6 kids? 7? a round 10? This family have 34 and are adding more, love really is limitless (and children really might destroy those last vestiges of good sense you once had) 

I'm sure you have all heard about the stranded seal (I assume he had time to hide his parachute but not quite enough time to get to the rendevous in the woods before his discovery - keep your eyes peeled, the seal invasion has begun, they may already walk among us) He is now biding his time until the reinforcements arrive recovering in a sanctuary.

Feeling less than Festive? Why not read some of these hilarious wish list items kids asked Santa for.

Or Just gaze at these cuter than cute babies, careful, those feeling broody should look away now.

And finally a  round up of some funny tweets - I'm using the HuffPost list this time - but I'm planning my own list next time - HuffPost miss too many gems!

Happy Christmas! And God Bless us, Every one!

Dettol - Fighting Colds and Flu so you don't have to

I was sent this video this week and it made me laugh.

Each year I have my flu jab, but I do hate seeing people coughing and sneezing all over the place! I try to sneeze into my elbow rather than my hand, but touching all those things that other people have sneezed on or touched with coughed into hands ... just yuk. At home I can keep antibacterial sprays around (and yes I've talked before about not being scared of the odd germ or two but cold season is starting and this is WAR!) but out and about ...I carry anti bacterial gel. Being a festival goer I always have a few small bottles around (those festival loos!) . I am much keener on hand hygiene in the sneeze season.

Do you worry? Avoid door handles? (and stair rails?) or just hope for the best? Some tips on hand washing here.

Disclosure - I am being sent some Dettol products in exchange for sharing this video - but it's true about the laughing, and the elbow, and the hand gel...oh and the flu jab...look it's all true OK?

Camp Bestival News

For those that pop over to Tent Sniffing for Beginners, or those that follow me there it will be no surprise that I'm excited about going to Camp Bestival this year.

Having worried last year that DD and I might have outgrown it, it seems that Rob da Bank and the team are pulling out all the stops to ensure my every desire is catered for! So with this years theme being Circus, they have embraced the entire historical circus theme complete with Oddities (Ooh I may be able to wear my beard as the bearded lady! Exciting!) and bizarre science to confound and astound. It is with great joy I read 

"No circus is truly complete without a touch of magical miscellany, curious attractions and inexplicable distractions. And so, Camp Bestival’s most aberrant roustabouts have not only created an inspiring world of discovery with Oberon’s Observatory, the LEGO Imagination Factory and the Science Tent, but they’ve also brought together a breathtaking collection of oddities like Caravan of Lost Souls and Britain’s Not Got Talent that will enthral the whole family at Lulworth Castle this July 31-August 3."

What can this mean? I wondered... The caravan of lost souls? Sounds odd enough that I would love it!
Igor Rasputin’s Caravan of Lost Souls is an incredible ape-powered pop-up circus providing wondrous entertainment for your delectation and appreciation. Witness magic, contortion, hula hoop, mime, an amazing array of circus skills and more from this cabaret of curiosity, popping up in all four corners of Camp Bestival! Well that sounds PERFECT!

And Lego! Who doesn't love Lego (though with festivals having a ban on glass to protect naked feet running about I do fear a little for the parents creeping to the toilets at night "Oh bugger! I stood on a  Lego brick" we shall hear shouted in the dead of night)

Entering a world of discovery, we are extremely excited to announce that LEGO will be joining us to kick off the summer holidays in style, with the Imagination Factory. A celebration of ‘free build’, this magical environment will immerse you in the LEGO belief in the power of each individual’s imagination. Doubters might see a pile of bricks and accessories but ‘we’ see a jet fighter, a beautiful flower, an alien monster, our dog called Spike or the skyline of New York. The golden rule of The Imagination Factory is that there are no rules – no rights or wrongs – just inspiration to let LEGO enable you to build anything that your imagination can conjure up. 

And for the show offs, show men and show girls there is ...   the Showmany Calliope, a mixture of traditional fairground showman heritage, pyrotechnics, a full independently powered 4K sound system and a bowtop caravan themed stage, that will play host to the devilish Mosschops and Sidewicket’s Britain’s Not Got Talent. So, do you want to perform on the craziest stage of all time? Have you got a talent? Have you not got talent? We don't care, because we haven't; so anything goes! From Dutch didgeridoo dancing to skateboarding budgerigars; panpipe duets to five-year-old Frank Carson impersonators (keep it clean please), we need you! Terms and Conditions do not apply. 

I'm starting to plan what to wear now, and wondering about the rest of the CampBbloggers, I wonder what they are up to..

 

Musketeers drinking game

A drinking game to play while watching The Musketeers, for a teetotal version use marshmallows instead of shots

Take a drink when ...

• A Musketeer leaps through a window - 2 drinks, (one if it's anyone else that leaps)
• A musketeer is running through a market and a stall is upset - 2 drinks (one if it's anyone else)
• Someone is threatening someone with a musket but not shooting - 1 drink
• There is a Man hug - I drink
• There is a Heaving bosom - 1 drink
• A musketeer denies being hurt or down plays a wound that is obvious to everyone - 1 drink
• A Musketeer kisses a woman - 1 drink
• A musketeer fights with a sword in each hand - 2 drinks (one for each sword)
• A musketeer gets topless - 2 drinks
• Anyone is surprised in their underwear or other state of undress - one drink
• A musketeer stands brooding in the rain - 1 drink
• A woman banadages a mans wounds - 1 drink
• A woman folds linen - 1 drink
• Anyone swirls a cape - 1 drink
• A musketeer takes a drink....match them drink for drink
• A musketeer thinks about, or moons over, a lost/past love - 1 drink

Anyone still sober?

Bacon, Maple Syrup and Whisky Cupcakes. Oh the humanity!

Remember the blog post about poke cake, where I thought about baking an American dream cupcake?


Well I made them. DD and I cycled out to the supermarket and bought the shameful ingredients (well not the whisky, or the maple syrup, no shame in that!) we had to substitute vanilla cake mix as that was all that was on offer! and we set to work like the Bad Bakers we are.

We followed the recipe we found on Pinterest,

though I added whisky to the cake mix not more maple syrup as by the time it was being mixed it smelled horribly horribly sweet!

and it was revoltingly gloopy by now too, no wonder Americans refer to cake 'batter' *barf* it looked and smelled vile, but we thought of Kylie's hopeful face, her Poke Cake face.....and we bravely added the bacon

neither of us wanted to lick the bowl. The sloppy, sweet smelling, lumpy horror we had created terrified us.
We shared the mixture into cupcake cases, ready for the oven...

Time passed (we made whisky and maple syrup icing as we waited)

They emerged looking surprisingly OK. So we let them cool, and then iced them, added a tiny slice of crispy dead pig for decoration. At this point my DH asked what the hell we were doing, why we were making something so disgusting and why on earth we were taking such trouble for something so obviously nasty!

They were ready....

I was nominated the first taster.

And a truly surprising thing happened. They tasted lovely, really really nice, sweet with maple syrup, a bitter tang of whisky a surprise salty crunch of bacon!

I ate several. Would I make them again? Not using the vile packet mix which is full of horrible chemical sounding stuff and was stupidly expensive. But yes, I will add maple syrup, whisky and bacon to my usual cup cake mix on occasion because ....well because BACON!

Don't forget you can join the Bad Food Bake Off here  - the linky is still open