Breastfeeding - my experience

Almost 18 years ago now I had a baby. As all mums will tell you, it feels like it was yesterday, they grow so fast. What is it they say? 'The days are long but the years are short' ? Yes that sums up parenthood. Tiring, exhausting, but ultimately amazing and it's all gone in a blink and they are adults themselves.

When I became pregnant I decided I wanted to do everything naturally, or as natural as possible, though I didn't want a home birth. I felt that if everything went well then hospital would be OK and they could do the clean up, and if things went badly, I'd have the support I needed.


I also decided that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. At the time the advice was exclusive for 4 months and then introduce solids but keep breastfeeding alongside for as long as possible. (current World Health Oganisation advice can be found here) That all sounded fine to me and so I didn't buy and bottles, no formula, no sterilising kits. Nothing. I had boobs and I didn't need anything more.


The birth (a water birth) was easy and fairly swift, less than 12 hours. And DD (darling daughter)  was born with a shock of dark hair, eyes to fall into, like deep pools and a gaze with the knowledge of centuries, as babies tend to have. I was instantly in love and started feeding withing minutes of birth. Text book stuff, I stayed in hospital overnight and the midwives checked on my (and her) latch positioning regularly, they asked how things were, checked I was feeding on demand and were just lovely. The midwife that helped deliver her showed me the 'rugby ball hold' as DD preferred to feed on one side and Dave (the midwife) worried I'd get lopsided!


After 48 hours or so I went home and everything was fine, DD slept and ate and was as cute as the cutest button. Life was dreamy.

On day 5 after the birth I woke to discover my milk had 'come in'. What a misleading phrase, it conjures flowing rivers of creamy goodness when in reality it means your tits, whilst looking like a porn stars are suddenly rock hard and tender, engorged and not in a good way! Baby DD found her latch was no longer easy, she looked at me accusingly, suddenly she couldn't feed, and so she wailed. I wailed too. Hearing her wail my body cheerfully created more milk! I hurt! I wailed more, DD wailed. My poor husband looked on helplessly. After 12 hours things had got worse, not better and I was terrified that DD would die of thirst (I had no idea how resilient babies are!) I was hysterical, she was purple in the face from screaming and my husband said he was going to buy bottles and formula right away.


I broke down, felt like a failure, torn between not wanting to give up and feeding my child! Luckily I'm really stubborn. So instead of letting him go for formula I said we should phone the labour ward, they had said we could phone for any reason, at any time (it was now 10pm) I rang, they said to come straight in. And so we did.


The loveliest nurses and midwives in the world took DD for a walk around the ward to calm her (and, looking back on it maybe to give her a sly drink!) while another midwife made me tea and calmed me down. Then they brought a now calmer DD back in and helped her get a grip, it felt like they just held her head against my boob until she had no choice but to suck! But maybe it was more subtle than that.

Whatever they did it worked, she glugged (you could hear her glugging!) and emptied both breasts. Poor hungry baby - she then slept for about 8 hours. We went home and after that we didn't look back. DD continued breastfeeding as and when until she was 4 months when she was keen to eat! She raced up the centiles chart (chubster!) and then gradually settled when she started eating food. She continued to breastfeed until she was 10 months old, when she self weaned having discovered cups and food easier that the work needed to breastfeed! Such a cute and lazy baby.



The things I loved about breastfeeding were; the lack of preparation, you want milk, it's there (and no extras to carry when you go out) ; the snuggles, tiny pudgy hands massaging you as baby drinks, like a little kitten; the cheapness, I didn't buy bottles, or sterilisers; the supposed health benefits were just a bonus if I'm honest


My experience of breastfeeding was fabulous. I want other mums to know it can be great, and support can be great too - never be afraid to ask. If I hadn't had help I might have given up on day 5! I felt like a failure but mum's shouldn't, there is no reason you should be good at it! It's a skill and both you and baby have to learn. Take your time, get help, enjoy.

And if you don't breastfeed? That time is gone in a blink anyway - enjoy every precious second with your child.

Mommy's New Tattoo

No, don't get all excited, I haven't had a new tattoo (sadly) but I have been reading a rather charming book by that title, by Levi Greenacres.  As you can see by the title spelling, Levi's story is set in America. Described as 'A bedtime story for people' and 'A bed time story you can wear every night' it is a simply written story of a young girl's experience of her mother having her first tattoo. 

The book is a hardback and a lovely size to read together, with a versed rhyming style, perfect to read aloud. The pictures are bright but with the slight washed look of tattoos themselves. The introduction to the book was as enjoyable as the story itself, with fascinating facts about tattoos (such as the fact that tattooing was illegal in Oklahoma until 2006 - a fact so bizarre I actually looked it up to check it was true! it is) and a history as to how the story came to be written. And  some short biographies of the real tattoo artists that feature in the book.

I liked the fact that the main characters in the book were all female, from the daughter, the mother right through to the tattooist and the people that question the wisdom of a tattoo. My own daughter was very taken with the picture of the lady tattooist 'with storms on her arms' (and I loved the description) but we were both slightly disappointed that the girl in the story waits outside and doesn't see the tattoo created, only hearing it. Maybe this is a cultural thing, but here in the UK when I had my tattoo, my daughter (then 5) came too, in fact we took an adult friend and her daughter too! And my lady tattooist, with pale swirled spirals of brown ink on her breasts and cherries on her neck was only too happy to explain everything as it happened, to two enraptured 5 year olds, fascinated by the mingling inks and blood. 

The story does look at why people get tattoos though, and the permanence of the ink, the importance of choosing carefully, of taking time. (Though I think the pain aspect is a little glossed over! a cat scratch? if you have a tiger as a pet maybe!) I think the book would make a great gift for a child with or without inked parents! But would be especially good to prepare a child for the adventure of a tattoo in the family.

It's a great story for those with tattoos to read with children as a discussion but also as a remembrance of tattoos past, my daughter and I enjoyed rereading the story and looking at the pictures, spotting tattoo designs and little details we remembered from 8 years ago when I was inked.

Mainly the book made me long to get another tattoo, though I'm not sure that was Levi's idea!

I'll leave you with Levi's Youtube video and a verse from the book

She showed me how clean her shop was,

and pictures of work she had done.

When I told her I was nervous, she said,

"It only hurts a little, we'll have fun" 

The Book is available to buy in the UK from Bushwood Books at £14.95 with Free postage and Packaging within the UK, and £10.50 EEC Europe, £18.50 Rest of Europe. 
USA residents and rest of the world can buy via the Publisher in the USA. Bushwood Books accept all major credit cards, cheques etc. Check the website for details.

Disclosure:I was sent a complimentary copy of the book for the purpose of reviewing it.

Story of Mum Exhibition

As mothers, it's not often that we feel seen, heard and valued. Yet our everyday stories matter, and sharing them can inspire others.

Story of Mum: Mums making an exhibition of ourselves is a touring programme of exhibitions and events in galleries and online that aims to put mothers in the spotlight.

The exhibition celebrates motherhood, explores the impact of mothering on our identities, and encourages mums worldwide to share their stories in words, photos, collage and film.


Find out more at www.storyofmum.com/exhibition.

Parallel to the real life events, a virtual exhibition is travelling round the world, stopping for mini exhibitions on blogs - like this one!

Participants are asked to choose an item or two from the existing exhibition, create something to add to the exhibition, and share their thoughts on these and their identity in motherhood.

So, welcome to the Story of Mum travelling exhibition. Come in, make yourself comfy, browse the exhibits.

There is cake of course, and art, writing, general mummy silliness.



So, let us begin....

I CURATED THIS:

You may like (and will probably identify with) GeorgiaP who is a mum and a ...

I chose her picture because of the fun it conveys, the joy of being a mum and of course a love of drinking. I too am a giggly drunk, though the longer I'm a mum and the older I get the more likely I am to be a sleepy drunk.

I CURATED THIS:

or maybe poetry is your thing? We mums have been writing some lines to create a poem, both beautiful and true, about motherhood.

Care giver

late night tweeter

story reader

Sleepless survivor

food provider

tear wiper

Fierce protector

rule maker

cheek kisser 

Woman

I loved adding to the poem, it's a beautiful moving pattern of words that flow and mix to show the multifaceted life of a mother.

I CREATED THIS:

I've even made an identity parade (as did many other mums) so you can see more about what I get up to

I'm often tweeting, working (though happier camping!), often grumping (usually due to lack of sleep) I have always wanted to be a mum, I didn't think I ever would be and then when I was the grand old age of 34 there was DD. Perfect in every way and despite my moans and grumbles, despite the lack of sleep, I wouldn't change a thing. She is a teen now and she is still my perfect baby. I adore being a mum. The sleepless nights, the breastfeeding, the toddler years, the growing up and seeing her off to school, and now the challenging teens... Talking to other mums online, sharing the highs and lows is fun too. Story of Mum helps that happen.

What I want...(a selfish post)

I have been tagged! Yippee! By the lovely Older Single Mum - You can read what she wants here

I wanted to be tagged!

I want to go to bed and no one wake me up for any reason at all until I am ready to wake up.

I want all bacon to be crispy. And have no calories.

I want beer to be served in McDonalds.(see VBiC's Blog here!!)

I want to win the lottery (don't we all)

I want to be able to walk in heels again.

I want to be a (UK) size 10 

I want everyone to be nice to each other

But you know what I want most of all? I want my DD to be happy. She is already smart, beautiful, healthy and generally perfect (may be some parental bias here) And I want her to be happy forever, to never have her heart broken, to never be poor,  to never fail, to never miss out on things she wants...

...of course that's silly, I want her to live, to experience all the riches of life, then emerge (relatively) unscathed and pass on her knowledge and love to another generation.

I don't want much

I pass this to ....the 1st 5 people to comment on this post. I want comments, I want to know what you want!

Magpie Monday - the overload edition

My parents are staying for the Bank Holiday weekend and as my mum taught me all I know about charity shop shopping and bargain hunting it was inevitable that we would spend a morning trawling local charity shops.

Despite only a two hour reconnaissance we have an impressive haul! I told her that her bargains should be included on the blog too. so first up are my mum's goodies.

 She bought two pairs of shoes (she's loving wedge heels now they are back 'in' - I'm jealous I can't wear heels due to my CMT)

 She bought a cat print fun fur jacket as she's envious of mine ;-)

 She also bought this lovely embroidered and beaded bag, originally from Accesorize, which I spotted and she nabbed while I was deciding if I needed another handbag!

 A skirt and top, the skirt is linen and the top is a Jaeger one

Two very pretty bowls, the china one to be a soap dish (it is just the right size) , it's very delicate and cute, the glass one she has no idea what to use for but in true Magpie style, she bought it because she liked it!

And then the goodies I bought (which actually are not as awesome)

 

First I was attracted the suave good looks and roguish moustache of Ian Stewart , unable to resist his 50's charms I bought him to play on my retro portable record player.

 I bought a teacup and saucer for Mr Tattooed Mummy with the witty slogan, "I don't go to the Gym - I garden" which is very appropriate.

I bought a small bag for myself featuring My Little Pony - it's quirky and odd and is a source of embarrassment to DD so my work as a parent is going well.

 

 I found the perfect match for a previously found and adored pyrex bowl (see here) so was very happy with that.

I bought two annuals for DD at 50p each (cheaper than a comic!) and she was thrilled.

And I scored a copy of the SIMs (deluxe edition) for PC which I haven't tried but have always wanted to - for £1

So all in all a fine haul. How did you fare? was there a drought? or a flood of great bargains in your life this week?

Posted as part of Magpie Monday over at

Mothering Sunday

My lovely DD has written me a poem and said I can share it with you. It is wonderful and made me all smiley and teary at the same time. I'm lucky to have such a sweetheart (remind me I typed that next time I'm close to strangling her)

and the silly bit? well maybe she had this in mind - a polaroid from yesterday's trip to London Zoo courtesy of Vosene (more of that later)

Hope all mothers (and those doing the job of mothering) have a lovely day today.

Perils of the older child and Sleep Overs

I wrote some time ago now about being Nemo's Dad and the protective neurotic you become when you have a child. How it's a fine line between protection and stifling a child, and how hard it can be to find a balance.

Now my DD is 11 years old. She walks to school alone, she goes to call for friends alone, she goes to the shops alone. She also still does a lot of things with us as a family. She has yet to catch a bus or a train alone for example.

When I was 11 I did all these things too. And also, now she is older, she has friends where we don't know the parents. Not don't know them very well, but don't know them at all, have never seen them, don't even know their names.

So last night a long phone call from a friend resulted in 'Mum can I go for a sleep over at Ophelia's house?' (names changed to protect the innocent) and I stopped and thought.........

well why not, she goes out a lot by herself, she plays with this girl at school....

but....

I don't know the family, at all. I have never met the mum, I have never seen the house, I don't even know where it is! DH has seen the house once when he gave Ophelia a lift home from a tea at our house once (her mum obviously trusts US!) but that's it. 

I guess I just need to ring the mum and confirm the arrangements and try and assess from a phone call that all will be OK.

I asked on Twitter what people thought. And in response to a Question - Would you allow your 11yo daughter to go for a sleepover with parents you didn't know? and if not how would you go about 'vetting' those parents? I got many and varied answers! ranging from

Never! I would have to know the parents well

No, I would meet them over coffee first

I would ring them and chat on the phone.

I would facebook them (I don't have facebook and besides that I don't know the mum's name!)

to

Yeah, there comes an age when you can't know all the parents

Yeah if she's happy to go

Yes it will be fine, just check the mum knows.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I'm none the wiser, I guess that DD will go, I guess there will be a phone call, I guess all will be fine. What would you do?

Ranty Ranty Rant (in which our hero rants)

So NetMums has annoyed me. An article in the news says that they did a survey and mothers admitted to ‘lying’ about how much quality time they spend with their kids, what they cook and feed their children and how much TV they allow kids to watch. Etc etc

The reason for this lying is apparently to keep up with other parents, and the moral is that we can all relax as everyone is lying.

This makes me angry on 2 counts. Number 1 is pretty obvious to anyone that knows me and it’s because I don’t lie, and neither does my hubby, I include him because he’s the stay at home parent in our house, he’s the one that cooks DDs meals from scratch (I recently taught him Bolognese sauce! LOL) and he’s the one that sits with DD to do homework, the one that helps, encourages and listens while she practices her clarinet. I’m the one that drives her to horse riding, bakes muffins with her, takes her to her music lessons ( and yes, I admit it – we have middle class pursuits and you know what? I don’t care!) which leads me on to the second reason it annoys me. (to be fair, it annoys NetMums too and it’s part of what the are saying but not all, because they are happy to assume everyone lies, which as I’ve pointed out, they don’t!)

I’m annoyed because of the reason parents supposedly feel compelled to lie. Once again it’s to feel good about themselves. Parents that lie are lying because they see their parenting as substandard, and they lie to sound closer to the ideal parent. Well here is a newsflash

THERE IS NO PERFECT PARENT

Really, we are all learning and all our kids are different , we, and they, are all individuals. Maybe your kid watches TV from when they get in until bedtime every day, maybe you are a vegetarian and they only eat organic, maybe you breastfed for 6 years or you formula fed from birth, maybe you work and your kid goes to breakfast club, maybe your 11yo has a TV in the bedroom or you have no TV in the house. IT DOESN’T MATTER!! We all love our kids, we all do the best we can for them and for us. As Janet street Porter said today on Radio 4 “There is your way and there is the wrong way” there is always someone ready to bash your choices, always a ‘study’ somewhere to show you are ‘parenting wrongly’ so get a grip, DON’T LIE be proud that you are a parent, a parent who may struggle, may yell, may use the TV as a babysitter so you can get time for a shower, a parent that may (shock) allow a toddler to share your bed because it means you all get to sleep. Whatever you do, if it works for you and your child be proud of it! Stop lying! 

Admit you are awesome. You are mainly awesome because you read to the end of this ranty piece of crap. Now like my Facebook page and you will explode with awesomeness

Camping in the Spring or Summer

We had a chat on twitter (which rapidly got out of control as these things do!) about a few of us getting together for a camping trip. Maybe in the spring or the summer holidays for a weekend or even longer. As my daughter is at school it needs to be holiday time. I suggested The Camping and Caravanning Club site at Norman's Bay, Pevensey and this idea met with approval from the people I hoped it would. While the idea of a 'twentup' took off across twitter I held firm to my ideals of a few of us having a wee get together with kids, beer and wine, and maybe a sausage or two.

If you need more info contact me via my contact page. (Contactify Link here)  Would be nice to actually make this happen.

And if you can't come to this event but see folk near you on the '#twentup' tag - let them know you are keen and organise more camping trips, you can't have too many tenting trips!

 

National Camping & Caravanning Week (#NCCW)

May 30 to June 5 this year The Big Pitch!!

Meet up at Norman's Bay - anytime during this Big Pitch Week!!

Wean me gently, a poem about breastfeeding..................

This is a poem by Cathy Cardall it was brought to my attention by @radicalactivist -  and I love it and wanted to share! (it made me all weepy at the end)

Wean me gently

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

Something I did and continue to do, I think I'm good at it!

Some information about me that I didn't know for many years, I have Charcot-Marie-Tooth also known as CMT and Hereditary Sensory and Motor Neuropathy. I've added a link there so you can pop off and read up on it if you like. It's OK I'll wait, go on....go read, we have time.

OK all done? so now you know I have issues with balance, my muscles don't work right, I can't feel stuff (or sometimes, oddly can feel stuff more intensely) and cold makes me freeze up completely.

Ok onward, what did I do that was so great? I made a new person! a whole new person! perfect in every last detail, and I popped her out the way I wanted to! I had minimal pain relief, and there was water....

Now I don't know about you, but creating a whole new person? Seems pretty damn fantastic to me! a real miracle and the pope can make you a saint if you do a miracle, personally I think all mums qualify, and yes I know we need the dad to help a bit at the beginning but 9 months of growing a baby is what we mums do! And some of us continue to be the only source of food for that baby for months after that when we feed that bundle of sweet wriggliness with milk from our own bodies. See there is another super power right there! We make milk! (I know all mammals do all this but you know - this is all about ME!)

OK so here is the birth story (men and non-mums may now be bored and are allowed to skip down the page if they like, there are pictures later, not gory ones, nice ones)

I had no idea about the CMT when I became pregnant, or until about 2 years afterwards. I was 34 when I got pregnant and was just outside the 'older mum' label! But at the birthing class while there were other mums in their 30s it was obvious that over 30 and a first time mum was slightly unusual (not so now but this was 10 years ago). So there I was 34, odd one out and wildly excited! I was making a baby!!

I enjoyed every second of being pregnant, I wasn't excessively tired (not more than normal anyway! tiredness it seems is relative and I am permanently tired due to the CMT!), and I enjoyed throwing up (yes really because it meant I was PREGNANT!) I commuted to London and worked 10 hour days until a few weeks before the birth, I was super mum! (I did not like the sods that never gave up a seat on the train for a hugely pregnant lady by the way - so if that's you and you are by chance reading this, shame on you! when you are pregnant it's hard to balance on a swaying train, your legs ache and you are often tired, and feeling sick, give up your seat!)

So pregnancy went well, despite constant referrals to Drs (by the nurses) as I was SFD (small for dates) until finally a lovely Dr wrote VERY SLIM MUM on my chart and highlighted it!( I never did go up a bra size, despite being turned away from maternity bra shop 3 times as the nice lady fitter was certain my boobs would suddenly get bigger.) Baby was growing fine and as the weeks passed my excitement grew. On her due date, despite a 3 mile walk with the dogs, nothing......... so I was booked for induction in 10 days time.....luckily for me lovely daughter (known online as DD) had other plans

One evening, exactly a week late at 10pm just as I was getting into bed...my waters broke! so clutching overnight bag and birthplan (lovingly composed some 8 months before) hubby rushed me to the hospital (ignoring repeated requests for him to slow down)...seriously guys do you like this bit? is it that you get to drive like Lewis Hamilton through the town centre for the first time in your life? Do you secretly hope the Police will stop you and then give you an escort, lights and sirens on? It's not necessary in most cases you know! Oh well I guess hubby enjoyed it.

So here's the what I did well bit! (finally i hear you all sigh!) I stuck to the birth plan, all of it! Even in the face of adversity and pressure from the midwife...

I had a TENS machine, and I walked around. I used the birthing pool. I only had gas & air, no epidural (the idea terrified me!!) I wasn't 'cut' - I tore (too much info? sorry about that! i did warn it was birth stuff!). Hubby was with me all the time. DD was born under water in the pool. (and I only swore once, that wasn't in the plan but...hey I was having a baby!) And even though the midwife asked me 3 times if a student could come and watch I stayed firm and said no. We waited for a while before cutting the cord. DD breastfed straight away.

I breast fed. I did not give up despite horrendous problems on day 5, involving a rushed trip back to hospital when DD couldn't latch, I had engorged breasts and we were competing for who could cry most! I used cloth nappies (not at all fashionable or easy 10 years ago) and we washed them ourselves and dried them on the washing line. I took a year off work. We decided that hubby would stay home and be daddy, and he did and it worked great.



And I think I'm still doing well, despite the CMT I do all the things mums do, I take her riding, camping, on holidays. I teach her things, I try and ensure she thinks of others and what is right and wrong, that not all things are easy or black and white, that things need thought. I tell her that I love her, I hug her a lot, I play silly games with her, I also try and give her the freedom she needs to flourish, even when that's scary. (see previous blog post)

My daughter is 10 now and she is caring, bright, funny, pretty, all the things a parent could want from a daughter. She likes makeup and goth clothing, she loves babies and animals, she can swim, ride, roller skate, play the clarinet....

..but maybe I should be just a tiny bit British as it's not really me that is doing all this, I can't claim all the credit, she is just an amazing person, ......


.....and I MADE HER!

Too angry and upset to type much

This story about how a women would not be able to look after her own baby made me so sad and so angry I don't even know where to begin. (social workers can now predict the future based on no evidence at all it seems?)

but I had hoped that when the baby was born all would be well, she'd be given support and the family would prove doubters wrong. Seems I'm too optimistic, she didn't even have a chance, due to MILD learning difficulties Kerry Robertson has had her baby taken away at a few days old (when she was trying to breastfeed exclusively as is recommended by WHO) and now can only see him every other day.

You can read more for yourself here. But if you are a parent (or even a teeny bit caring) I suggest you have tissues to hand and maybe a stress ball or punchbag!

Even if this does get sorted out and baby Ben is returned to his parents, he has missed out on vital feeding days, and his family have been traumatised and will be affected for life. I am ashamed, ashamed that this can happen in a country that claims to care about people. I am praying for her and her family because right now I don't know how else to help. (suggestions welcomed)

The couple have been allowed to see their son for two hours every other day.

Miss Robertson said: ‘Holding him made me upset all over again. I’ve told the social workers I don’t want him to have bottled milk or a dummy. I feel breastfeeding is so important and at least then he is still having some of me.’

If this had happened abroad say in India we'd all be saying, "oh but that's because they are not like us, not caring, not a state with money to help" etc etc

and oddly India does indeed seem different to us just look here

“Initially, we were concerned about the way the mother would react. But surprisingly, she is taking good care of her child. She has become very active, lively, mature and cheerful. Earlier, she used to be a depressed and quiet person,” Ratnam said. “Also, she very well realises the fact that Pari is her child. The name Pari was suggested by her only. She is very attached to her.”

A great debate on the rights of the FATHER in this case here