I don't listen to the Archers anymore

Picture from the fabulous Plarchers on Twitter

I'm 50 years old, I've been listening to the Archers since I was about 18. When I was in my 20s a friend of mine went to Africa to do VSO and I recorded the Archers omnibus for her on tape every week to send out so she wouldn't miss it. You might say I'm a fan.

And then Rob happened.


The story line around Rob and Helen has had all the press coverage. It has been described as well written as 'a gripping drama' as 'realistic portrayal of domestic abuse' etc etc and all of that may be true, but I have had enough.

Rob has succeeded in making listeners sit up and take notice, his slow burning take on domestic coercion and control of first Helen and then her child, and now it seems even her family, made people think about relationships. His creeping control not only of Helen but of other people, his lying, his cheating (who can forget the cricket match) has probably enticed new listeners to the show.

But while he has been doing that the Archers has lost something, it has lost the story of other people, the country folk, the cows, the humour, all has taken a back seat. In every scene Rob enters the listener is on tenterhooks (much like Helen) what will he say?, what lie will he tell? where will his devious and malicious nature take us now?

He has, as a character, taken over the Archers. No one is safe from his meddling and his deceit.

I stopped listening because it's gone on too long. Arguing that real abuse goes on for a long time too is, I think, not the point. The Archers is not real life (ducks as eggs are thrown form the cheap seats). Rob has fulfilled his prupose, he has moved on from a subtle abuser and is not a fully fledged pantomime villain, to the extent that I want to hiss and boo as he appears stage right. He has shown what abuse is like, he has raised 'awareness' he has even spurred people to donate thousands of pounds to women like Helen. But enough is enough.

What started as a curious tale of growing control, has moved into what feels like voyeurism. To be forced to sit and listen each Sunday, helpless, has gone beyond entertainment, well beyond. I now feel complicit in Rob's treatment of Helen and I've had enough. So I have walked away. I'm lucky ot to be Helen, but I refuse to be Rob either.

I haven't listened to the Archers in over 4 weeks now, and it feels better but sad. I'm sad because I miss my Sunday morning tweet-along, and I'm angry that a program that used to be balanced between 'issues' and 'an every day story of farming folk' has turned into a drama ridden, over the top, soap of the worst kind.

Do you still listen? Pop over to my facebook page to chat about it!

Where I went to the Baby Show and bought a whisk

During half term I was invited to attend the Baby Show in London. I had a free day and despite being 50 and far from the land of fertility and new babies I decided to go. I felt it would be nice to discover some parenting innovations and also to sneer at some unnecessary rubbish designed to separate the worried new parent from their hard earned cash.

I took DD (Darling Daughter, aged 16) along with me as she too is an aspiring, though often lazy, blogger.

The Baby Show itself is a vast collection of brands vying to for your attention, housed in the Excel. I was expecting horrific crowds but while it was busy, it was pleasantly so, lots of keen young parents, both with children and with bumps and in some cases with both. There was plenty of space to move around, family friendly changing areas (yes dads are most welcome) and places to feed, grab a coffee and snack.

DD and I started the day with a taster first aid course hosted and taught by the Red Cross. While we felt pretty confident in how to treat burns, it was nice to be shown clearly how to deal with choking. I think that new parents (and any parents!) and anyone looking after small children would benefit from a first aid course. Prices around £45 for a 4 hour course, you can use their website to see what is available in your area.

Next we took a wander. I fell in love with the look of the iCandy buggies, I failed totally to look at any practicalities! But adored the smart styling and colour choices.

The Funky Giraffe bandanna style bibs made me want to have a baby to buy for! Practical for the dribbler in your life (DD was a terrible dribbler until she was at least 3!) they were so lovely to look at, soft, absorbant, and so many styles and themes, and best of all not even that expensive! From £2 each if you buy a few!

There were a lot of gorgeous bedroom ideas too, sweet little beds with tents over to create safe snuggly spaces, cots that fitted onto the side of the bed to allow co-sleeping without the pain of a child's elbow up your nose at 3am, rocking chairs to breastfeed in...

I loved the storage ideas too, with lots of personalisation choices.

While the UK doesn't yet give every new parent a baby box I did love the British Baby Box, which is based on the Finnish tradition and is packed with luxurious British sourced baby essentials for when you bring baby home – including a mattress and sheet so it can be doubled up as a baby’s first crib!   Prices are from £50 to £150. This would be a lovely gift for a new mum.

My favourite item (and I forgot to buy one at the show - fool that I am!) was the kneepal kneeler. It looks so simple, but the feel of the product, both firm and slightly soft (do not make me go there....) was just heaven, I really think my knees would love one of these. When we had DD we changed her on the floor a lot, and I got 'housemaid's knee' this would certainly prevent that! This is an item for anyone, every house needs one. They are available in a range of colours, check their page here. And they currently have a launch price of £20 (saving £5 on the regular price) - Trust me, you need one!

One thing we did buy, and which has been well used by DD is a whisk! A simple push style whisk, which is fab for making milkshakes.

Another fun find was Squid soap, where a quick pump of the soap stamps your hand with a dot of colour, an encouragement to toddlers to wash their hands properly - the only problem I could see with this was that it might be too successful and they'd use up all the soap in an afternoon!

I confess that being 'older' most of the things I really liked were simple and relatively cheap. Hand held manual breast-pumps, self sterilising bottles etc. There were all sorts of electronic gadgets to make life easier of course, but I tended to feel they were an unnecessary expense, maybe nice if you have the money, but in many cases more trouble than they are worth.

So in summing up my day, if you are expecting a baby or have a small one already, the Baby Show is an excellent day out. You will see a million things you think you need, (you don't) and you will see a good few things that you actually could make use of. The exhibitors often have discounts on products if you buy on the day so take cash or cards! If you plan to buy, take the car - at Excel the parking was only £15 all day - a huge saving vs the train!

There are still baby shows to catch this year at Birmingham (13th - 15th May 2016) and London (21st - 23rd October) . With tickets from between £14 - £20 depending how far in advance you buy them

For full details of all the exhibitors and displays etc check out the Baby Show website

Something you think I should know? Let me know on my Facebook page.

Wordy Wednesday with Kirsty Smith

Wordy Wednesday is here again and this week I would like to introduce Kirsty Smith!

In her career as a TV Producer working in magic and comedy, Kirsty Smith introduced Russell Brand to an erotic lady wrestler, locked two presenters in a cage with 60 chickens for a week, and was made to magically appear dressed as a Morris Dancer from a giant pair of underpants. Now at home with two small children, life is almost exactly the same but even funnier and with added rice cakes. She blogs at www.eehbahmum.com  and has written for The Daily Telegraph, The Metro, The New Statesman and The Huffington Post.

You must admit she sounds quite a fun person! So let's see what secrets I can winkle from her in my Wednesday author interview.

Why did you start writing?
I honestly can’t remember I’ve always written. As a teenager I wrote a whole edition of Just 17 magazine on my own in my bedroom which is in no way weird. I’ve got boxes in the loft filled with terrible poems, rubbish short stories and plotlines for really bad films. Now I have a blog instead which saves space. (Teenage poems are the best! I hope they are suitably dramatic and emo)

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
No children - (sorry kids), no internet and no phone calls asking me what’s for dinner. Just leave me alone.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
Pretty much every day I think waiting til the mood strikes sounds marvellous but impractical.

What are your favourite biscuits? And would you have them with tea or coffee?
Tunnocks. All of them. I’d have a Caramel with tea. And then a teacake with  coffee. And then a snowball on it’s own even though it’s not technically even a biscuit. (sponsorship no doubt pending...)

Where do you do most of your writing?
Wherever. I don’t have a special desk or anything fancy. I write a lot in my head while I’m running or walking through town. I can write in a busy cafe, at home in the kitchen or in the car while my daughter is at gymnastics.

What book(s) are you reading at the moment?
I’ve just finished Agatha Christies autobiography. I’ve read it at least 3 times, I first discovered Agatha Christie when I was at primary school her life spanned the Victorian age through both wars and she spent a lot of time in Iraq and Syria on archaeological digs. Her writing has filled theatres, tv screens and movie theatres and she started because her sister said ‘I bet you couldn’t write a book’. I love her. I have just started Go set a  watchman and am also reading the Virago book of women gardeners -I’m aware that makes me sound really, really old.

What was your favourite school subject? and was it the one you were best at?
Languages, I studied French and German at university, although I was never that good at grammar. Speaking French is mainly waving your arms around and saying ‘bof!’ a lot. (well that sounds simple enough...)

Did you have a good or bad 2015?
2015 was great. I wrote a freaking book! And I potty trained my son. And we bought a house. And I didn’t sit on the floor of the supermarket and cry at any point which is always a bonus.

Do you have writing plans for 2016? Are they secret or could you share a teaser?
I am working on some comedy scripts, based on the blog and the book and I have started writing a novel.

If you could have any job in the world except being an author, what would you choose and why?
I’d be a tv scriptwriter...please!

If you could genetically cross and animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently thinking of runner bean eels, bright green surprisingly crunchy but easy to breed in the often flooded UK.
Kiwi fruit crossed with flies! They’d be tiny, furry buzzy things and when you squished one it would be all tasty and green. Also kiwi fruit are already furry so I reckon they’d be happy to co-operate. (Nice!)

If you could take any fictional character out for lunch, who would you choose and why? And where do you think you'd go to eat?
I want to hang out with Anna Madrigal at 28 Barbary Lane, we’d get stoned and skip lunch. I  adored the whole world created by Armistead Maupin it felt like a million miles away from my life as a teenager in rural Yorkshire but at the same time like home. Plus my subsequent San Francisco obsession led me to discover Amy Tan. When I realised I’d finished reading all of Maupin’s books I cried for days.
 I was bereft !

Kirsty is the Author of How to Have a Baby and Not Lose your Shit

How to Have a Baby and Not Lose your Shit is for women who want to start a family but are not sure quite how 'into' babies they are. Women who have no intention of ever making their own Play-Doh (yes, that's a thing). Women who think that babies are a teeny, weeny bit boring.
Appealing to new and expectant mums (as well as existing mothers who will identify with many of the experiences!) this is not a book about surviving parenting: having a baby is not an ordeal, it's a brilliant life-affirming experience. This book is about enjoying parenting but acknowledging its challenges, about how you can love your children to the moon and back but still not like having fingers that smell of poo.

The trouble with teens

I've said it before and I will say it again. I adore my daughter. In all honesty I think she is pretty amazing. But also she is a teen and so in between being amazing, clever and beautiful she is a huge pain in the arse.

Bringing up a child has a goal and that goal is to make a well rounded adult human. The sort of human that is confident enough to go out on their own. The sort of human that will question authority but obey necessary and important rules. Someone that will make their own decisions based on knowledge and careful thought. Someone that will take a risk or two so as not to miss out on the fun of life.

The only trouble with being successful in this endeavour is that you are confronted, when your sweet biddable child reaches 13 or so, with an obstinate, argumentative nightmare!

Copyright: rastudio / 123RF Stock Photo

A person neither an adult nor a child, that does not have any financial input into the home but suddenly thinks they should have some say in its running. A person that doesn't pay rent, but who deems their room to be out of bounds and a private sanctum. Someone who doesn't pay the internet bill but whines when the wi-fi is switched off. A pre-adult who once ate all their veg and fruit with all signs of enjoyment, who said "let me help with the wash up mummy, I like bubbles"; but who now scowls and mumbles, eats a few crisps, declares themselves 'not hungry' and stalks off to their bedroom clutching a laptop, not to be seen for hours. A person who will eat food they didn't ask about, (that you probably planned for tea) and then leave the remains on the floor.

If you are reading this, smugly with a toddler on your knee munching a healthy breadstick, be aware, it will happen to you! This bundle of cuteness that wants to 'kiss it better' when you look sad will one days scream "I hate you! ALL of my friends have one" about something. They will leave dirty crockery all over their bedroom floor but yell at you for snooping if you venture in to clear it up. This tiny sweet person that right now will share their last apple slice will become a teen that refuses to eat fruit and empties a school bag at the end of a week to reveal 4 bruised apples and a crushed banana.

They will dress themselves in things that make you shriek (much as your own parents did) "You can't go out in that! You'll catch your death!" They will demand that the ringlets and curls that you have refrained from cutting since they were 2 would look better cropped or shaved or dyed green. They will get parts of their bodies pierced that you had no idea could be pierced...

But they will also become someone that will tell you a rude joke they heard at school, that will suddenly blurt out over lunch that they have a new boyfriend, a person that will ask for advice, and will give you an unexpected hug as they go out of the door. A person will cook their own dinner because you are busy. That will bake a cake on a Sunday afternoon because they are bored (they will expect you to buy the ingredients naturally). One day you will ask them what they are doing all silent in their room and discover they are revising for a French GCSE. They will mutter "goodnight, love you" as you tiptoe to bed past their door at midnight.

And today while I have been sick in bed my teen has brought me tea, toast and assorted drugs...

Copywrite 123RF

Did I mention how much I love my teen ;-)

Wordy Wednesday with H G Sansostri

It's half term where I live, so a topical choice of authors today, in that he will be off school! Today's Wordy Wednesday is an interview with H.G. Sansostri author of ‘The Little Dudes Skool Survival Guide’. Harri was only 11 when he wrote The little Dudes Skool Survival guide! And he's still very young. Not content with being published before he left school he is also an actor! So it was quite fun to ask him to answer my silly questions, and see how a teen author's mind works. Is it all sweets and comics? Untidy rooms and late homework? Or is there more ... let's see ...



You are young writer. Do you think that makes it more or less difficult to get your books noticed? Or do you think age doesn't matter?
Yes, age does matter a lot, adult writers have it easier than child authors. People tend to think ‘He’s just a kid, what’s he got to offer?’ Though, at the same time, lots of adults have really appreciated that I’m a kid with something to offer.
I also think that people tend to think age and experience affect the quality of the book, that’s not necessarily right.

Do your school friends know you write and if so, what do they think about it?
Not all of them, my close friends do and they think it’s a cool thing to do.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate your writing?
A wonderful, comfy writing zone all of my own, with lots of bookshelves, lots of books, and cosy leather sofas with cushions and blankets, then lots of chocolate bars. (ah ha! Chocolate - though to be fair most of the adults I've interviewed have included similar - it seems that Cadburys should consider sponsoring authors)

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
As and when the mood strikes, as by forcing myself to write, I wouldn’t be as creative.

What are your favourite biscuits?
Chocolate cream bourbons (an excellent choice)

Where do you do most of your writing? 
On the big leather sofa in the living room or in my room at my desk.

What book are you reading at the moment? 
‘The Rest Of Us Just Live Here’ by Patrick Ness

Do you plan to continue writing and if so what plans have you for 2016? Any new books already lurking in your head or will you need time to plan in 2016? 
Yes I do. My plans are to get my new book out and marketed (with my Mums help of course.) It is called ‘The Chronicles of Derek Dunstable’ at the moment it’s in edit and I’m deciding on book jackets with my illustrator Adam J. Pickering.

If you could genetically cross and animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently thinking hamster peach, cute and fuzzy.
A Yorkie/Potato called a ‘Yotato’. Now that would be funny!  I have two yorkies called Jake-Teddy and Toto-Jon.

If reading and writing were banned on pain of death, what would you do instead? 
I’d take my creativity into the filming industry. As I’m also a child actor and have done quite a bit of work.

Who do you currently most admire and why?
Jeff Kinney, because of how he became successful.  He wasn’t a clever kid but he loved to sketch, he sketched a lot before he came up with ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ as his sketches inspired him to write. I went to a seminar on this author once and his story was amazing.


Big thanks to Harri for taking part - if you are a young author you can follow him on twitter and ask him any burning questions that I have missed. And of course you can buy his books and have a read for yourselves.

Until next time, have a fab Wordy Wednesday - and don't forget to read up on all the past interviews on the blog if you've missed any.

Special Susie Children's Book Giveaway

Hello blog fans (I said that in a Roland Rat voice...old people will understand)

Today I have a treat - free books!

After interviewing Stephen Adams a while ago I was offered a set of his stories to giveaway.

Cute stories about a little girl called Susie, who is special to her family, just like all children are. She is caring, nosy and brave. And like many children she is not always 'good' but she always means well. Susie also has a love of coloured hair ribbons. The books are mystery stories, and Susie (sometimes with help) solves them.

A lovely bedtime read or a simple read for new readers. You can win all three books in this UK only, free to enter, giveaway. Each Book is signed by the author. You just need to use the Rafflecopter thingamy-bob. Thanks! (Ends 27/02/2016)

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wordy Wednesday with Lu Hersey

This week we welcome Lu Hersey to the blog for Wordy Wednesday Quizzing and biscuits.

Lu Hersey is a bit like the Buena Vista Social Club of children’s writing. She may be (a bit) old for a debut writer, but that doesn’t mean she’s no good.
Her speciality is writing myth-based thrillers in a kitchen sink paranormal style. Her first novel, Deep Water, was published by Usborne in July 2015. She is @LuWrites on twitter and blogs at Lu Writes

And so without further ado, we pull up chairs, wrap blankets around our knees and begin...

Lu Hersey

Why did you start writing?
When I was about 8, we had to make puppets for a puppet show at school. The story was Rumplestiltskin. We were supposed to create the whole thing - sets, puppets and script - ourselves. Anyway, it turned out the only one who was able to write a script was me. The nuns were really pissed off (it was a convent school), as they generally hate children, especially ones that can do something. My newfound ability was a total surprise to me, as up to that point, my only skill seemed to be committing mortal sins like laughing in church. I realized for the first time that I found something really easy which some other people found difficult, and decided I wanted to be a writer. It just took an awful lot longer to get round to it…

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
Coffee, chocolate and heavy rain outside. Oh that does sound lovely!

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
I work in a library, so have to fit writing around my workdays – and that’s not always the days I feel like writing. It’s really frustrating. My ambition is to give up the day job and write full time one day.

What are your favourite biscuits?
Balsen dark chocolate biscuits. Or maybe those stem ginger Duchy Originals that are covered in chocolate. (The ones you have to remortgage the house to buy!) I think I've found my soulmate - we should sit and eat these biscuits together, sitting by a real fire, in an old house with shutters, and rain lashing the clap-board shingles...

Where do you do most of your writing?
I have a tiny box room, recently made into a study. I love it. It has a bed squashed in it as well for when everyone’s at home (I have 4 kids – but they’re big and don’t all live at home any more), but mostly it’s my study. Luxury, huh?

What book(s) are you reading at the moment?
Liz de Jager’s Judged, and Longbow Girl by Linda Davies. (Started reading Longbow Girl first, but stupidly left it at a friend’s house – picking it up later!) My TBR pile is the size of a mountain. (mine is too!)

What was your favourite school subject? and was it the one you were best at?
Art. And no, I was useless. I was best at English. Which probably proves it’s good to play to your strengths!

Have you had a good or bad 2015 and why do you think it was good (or bad) ?
It was very good in parts – the launch of my debut novel, Deep Water, in July was really exciting! It had downsides too, mostly to do with some sad and difficult family stuff.

Do you have writing plans for 2016? Are they secret or could you share a teaser?
Yes of course! Have nearly finished my next book, Broken Ground – but will be holding my breath until my publisher decides whether they like it or not…and if they don’t, guess I’ll be writing a different book as fast as I can…

If you could have any job in the world except being an author, what would you choose and why?
A wildlife photographer. The opportunities for travel and seeing the world would be amazing. As it is, I just read National Geographic and watch David Attenborough on TV…

If you could genetically cross and animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently thinking of satsuma gazelles, roaming the African plains elegantly and with a lovely orangey smell.
Hmmm, that’s difficult. Probably dogs with peaches, so you’d get the loveliness of dogs with peach scented dogbreath …

If you could take any fictional character out for lunch, who would you choose and why? And where do you think you'd go to eat?
Severus Snape. Head table at Hogwarts. Who wouldn’t?

Excellent answers, thanks so much to Lu for taking part. I hope you enjoyed reading them as much as I did. Until next week...

Why not check out more about Lu Hersey on Goodreads

Deadpool my new favourite anti hero

If you follow me on social media (and if not why not!) you will know I'm a tiny bit excited about the upcoming film of Deadpool.
I confess that I am a new fan to this wise-cracking super hero, he only came to my attention during the trailers while I was at the new Star Wars movie in December, but I fell in love instantly and have been doing homework.
Homework mainly consists of reading all the comic books about Deadpool I can find (happily my local library stocks them!), finding and reading online articles and chatting about him to my mates.

Of course true research requires properly becoming immersed in a character and it was with this in mind that I asked Morphsuits if I could review one of their suits. If you have never heard of these costumes, they are a simple yet genius concept, a skin tight lycra body suit, encasing you from top to toe! They were initially only available in plain colours but impressive new fabric printing techniques have changed the playing field!

I've seen Morphsuits at festivals of course, usually the plain colours, sometimes a spider man or two, but the Deadpool Morphsuit really did look a bit special. There are three versions at three prices, and I'm now the proud owner of the deluxe version. The basic one is fine of course, but it is , well, basic, at £26 it's pretty affordable, but for a little extra (£10 extra) you get a really snazzily printed muscles that really do give you the appearance of my newly favourite antihero, and the deluxe costume benefits from an extra little treat - an app that shows you with a sword in your hand and some special effects! Pretty cool.

But don't just take my word for it. When the suit arrived my teen daughter was so excited she put it on straight away! And this weekend I tried it on too. I think you'll agree we look...erm...super

Me on the left and DD on the right in case you wondered!

Me as Deadpool

Things to know - You need smooth underwear and a strong bladder - there are two zips at the back but it's not an easy task when you are in the suit to undo the zip (you have gloves on!) and you will need to get nearly naked to wee. I advise having a mate with you if you go out! The suits come in 4 sizes and they are based on height as well as weight, which is why DD and I can fit into the same suit! Check the sizing on the page.  You can see through the suit to look out, but it's far from clear! Cosplay websites suggest using a hot needle to make extra holes in the eye area (not when you are wearing the suit, you idiot) for improved vision. I was planning on wearing the suit to the film, but it turns out DD describes the suit as 'empowering' and so she has demanded to wear it - and she'll have to lower the head piece to be able to watch the film properly. (Talking of masks, Morphsuits sell the mask section separately if you fancy just wearing it with your normal clothing) The suit is tight (obviously) and squashes your nose a bit! When I first put it on it felt a bit claustrophobic but that wore off pretty quickly and I got used to it.

Using the Zapper app with the suit

So, do I think the Morphsuit is good value? Yes. Would I buy one? Yes in fact I'm spoiled for choice, For festivals this year the plain colours do appeal, but so does the Stormtrooper version (if only there was a Captain Phasma Chrome suited version!) and DD is already looking at another super hero...of the ninja turtle variety!

What do you think? Do you have a Morphsuit or do you 'need' one? Pop over to Facebook or twitter and let me know - I'd love to see your pictures!

Disclosure - I was given the suit for the purposes of this review - but the views are all my own, and DD really will be wearing it to the cinema, more pictures to follow!

The Deadpool movie is released in the UK on 10th February 2016.

Wordy Wednesday with David Southwell

This weeks Wordy Wednesday is with the author David Southwell. He has written several books on conspiracy theories and true crime under his own name. Of which he claims only two Secrets and Lies, and The Kennedy Assassination, are any good. He has also ghost-written several biographies.

"For my sins, I have been a regular pundit on both American and European television, featuring as both a commentator and consultant on shows as diverse at National Geographic documentaries to BBC consumer programmes. A few years back, I took a ride in a BBC car with J.G. Ballard and I now try to make amends for my crimes against dead trees by taking the advice given he gave me to: ‘concentrate on place, nothing without a sense of it is ever any good.’ This means I am now more known as a landscape punk, photographer and folklorist who is mad enough to stand up and give talks at festivals and galleries."

What a fascinating chap David sounds, I was as intrigued (as no doubt you are) to find out more about his writing and his thoughts on life, biscuits and vegetable animals.

When did you start writing? And why?
The earliest piece of writing comes from the age of six. A short story about Superman. In many ways, I've never stopped writing since then. I think that first story came as response to being able to wander through a world of wonder in the pages of a comic. Later, I went into journalism as it was the only arena where I could earn a living while indulging my curiosity about people and the stories they tell and an obsession with language. Now I am back to wandering in landscapes and worlds that raise wonder in me.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
Copious amounts of tea, an absence of intrusive sound from neighbours and outside, a decent film soundtrack.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
If I am commissioned/on deadline with a book, I will usually work 8am-1am, six days a week with 90 minutes for lunch and dinner. This is how you deliver 100,000 words, which only need rewrites due to the lawyers, in three months. At other points, without a specific project to deliver, I try to write a minimum of 500 words per day just to keep the muscles in shape.

What's the worst question anyone has asked you ever? And did you answer?
"Are you a vagrant?" and yes, I answered because it is unwise to try and ignore the Garda. I feel a longer story here, I might have to follow this up via twitter

What are your favourite biscuits?
This is a great time to live in England - the incredible biscuit choice you can find in your average Turkish grocer is a source of deep joy. My favourite biscuits are currently the sort that would deeply upset UKIP supporters - the are the Polish chocolate-hazelnut Hit biscuits. A chocolate-nut biscuit that you know Nigel Farage would hate is a wonderful thing. Political biscuits, not a new idea but a fine one, - see also Garibaldi

Tea or Coffee?
Tea. This is not to say that coffee is absent from my life, but tea is balm for the soul. I once met Douglas Adams and asked, as you do when you are a young, shallow want-to-be-writer, what his advice to writers was. His answer: "Hot water, taken internally and externally, will solve most problems you will face as a writer." He has proven right. A bath helps with the pain twisting through your neck when you've written for 10 hours straight and tea - the ritual act of taking a break to make it, removing your eyes from half-done sentence that won't come right while giving you a few minutes to think - fixes most blocks.

Where do you do most of your writing?
Like most people trying to write full-time, I live in a hovel. There is no separate writing sanctum, there is just an old table in the lounge. As a child I ate tea with my grandparents on it, now I scratch out words on it. I know the feeling, she says as she blogs at the kitchen table....

What book are you reading at the moment?
Kay Boyle's '30 Stories' and if you don't know about the amazing life of Kay Boyle, go look her up, the Folk Horror Revival anthology and Iain Sinclair's London Overground. I like to have three books on the go. One for when I am travelling, one for tea breaks and one by the bed.

Do you use social media (facebook, twitter, instagram etc) to engage with your audience, do you think it helps sales and do you find it fun or a chore?
I use Twitter and I try to be very strict about not selling myself or others - the key word in social media should be social, shilling your book is like running into a party and screaming look at me!

However, I am transitioning from being an author published by large publishers to an author being published by small publishers who care, so I am aware just how vital social media is. If as a writer social media is just a sales tool, I suspect you are more of a marketeer than an author.

I try to use Twitter to allow people to have x-rays of work in progress, to be inspired by the creative community around me online and to engage with people who like what I do. I've written books which have been translated into half-a-dozen languages, sold 50,000-plus copies and had three responses from their readers. Write a decent sentence on Twitter, and you get a dozen instant response. Tell me a writer who doesn't find that somewhat gratifying and I'll show you a misguided liar.

My approach to social media is make it something creative, make it something fun for yourself and others - make it something worth reading and something worth writing - and let it look after you in terms of creating a profile for you and your work.

A timeline of a thousand tweets all saying buy my book is the thing least likely to convince anyone that your work is actually going to be worth reading. Too right, see also automated Direct Messages full of links!

If you could genetically cross and animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently keen on a cucumber crocodile just because I saw a picture of something similar on twitter!
The Pear Wasp. If we could turn the useless wasp into something that tastes of pears when spread on toast, the would be a mighty chimera. A perfect solution to late summer woes!

If money was no object what would you buy your favourite person for Christmas?
The Egyptian House in Penzance. (I googled and I can see why!)

Egyption House By LondonRoad on Flickr

Unusually for an author ;-) David doesn't want to specifically advertise anything, but if anyone wants to check out his fictional universe they can do so @HooklandGuide on Twitter which is where he spends most of his time or they can say hello @cultauthor, also on Twitter.

Thanks for some great answers David.

What do women REALLY want for Valentines day - a tongue in cheek post

Copyright: pretoperola / 123RF Stock Photo

Valentine's Day is fast approaching like a looming red fog on the horizon. Terrifying the average man who is soon to discover he cannot win on this of all days.

On Valentine's Day, a man in a relationship with a lady has several choices.
He can ignore the entire thing, dismiss it as comercialised and claim he doesn't need a day to tell her he loves her. She will assume he is an uncaring heel or that he forgot and this is a feeble way of weaseling out of the whole thing.
He can buy a card, something cute or funny and that's that. She will think he is cheap, assume he grabbed it without thinking in the supermarket or petrol station and she will tell all her friends how uncaring he is.
He can buy an elaborate gift such as a huge bunch of red roses or a massive box of chocolates, and she will tell him what a waste of money flowers are, especially on Valentine's day, she will also exclaim she is dieting and the chocolates are cruel. She will tell her friends he is predictable and boring.

So what do women actually want? Well I asked a few women that were in relationships what their perfect Valentine's Day gift would be. Instantly and top of the list was time by themselves! I can understand the desire to escape the busy everyday life but I was hoping for something a teensy bit more romantic (chaps, save this information for a birthday gift!). Next most popular was sleep, yes I know, still not terribly romantic, though combined with a man that takes charge of the kids when they wake, gives them breakfast, settles them in front of a 3 hour movie and then takes his snoozing wife breakfast in bed might count...

But the suggestions that seemed most useful were:

• Unmarried ladies in relationships (such as Emma) seem to hope for diamonds, if you like it, she correctly assumes, you should have put a ring on it.
• Another popular choice is a spa day, for true romance I guess you'd have to go too, his and hers towels by the pool, joint massages and a cosy canoodle in the hot tub. Several ladies liked that idea.
• Chocolates were not totally out of favour, but they needed to be quality over quantity, the day of the large padded heart shape box are over it seems.
• Many ladies feel that having everything done for them is the way to go, baby sitter sorted, table booked and then whisked off in a taxi so you can both have a tipple at a restaurant where the night is spent eating and gazing into each others eyes....just as you did before your life was full of toddlers and snot.
• Another lovely idea was being told to treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or a new handbag, so many ladies would like this so much more than flowers or chocolates! Even a new dress, why not pluck up the courage to go shopping with her, telling her how sexy she looks in the things she chooses (not looking  at your watch and telling her you are missing the rugby)
• On the 'time alone together' theme, it wasn't only restaurants and spas that were mentioned, afternoon tea, or even a wander around a town or a walk in the country were suggested. Even a whole night in a hotel - oh to have the freedom for loud sex without the kids hearing.....
• The idea of a surprise was high on the list too - unusual gifts but ones that might be appreciated, cheese, a new purse, earrings, perfume....but not 'sexy underwear' (the crime of buying what you, the chap, deem sexy, but what is, in reality, cheap, tacky and uncomfortable and really for you anyway...just no) Going with her to buy some Agent Provocateur does not come into the 'no' category obviously...
• And one odd request was mooted. "I'd really like if he hired a backing group and made up a barbershop style song about me and then performed it on the doorstep. The kind of thing that takes a bit of effort!" ... I'll just leave that there....no one said us women were low maintenance...

Copyright: ventura69 / 123RF Stock Photo

The top result, in all it's varieties, (if we exclude time alone!) was time with you, the man in her life. For you to organise it all so she can be swept off her feet, away from her normal life to an afternoon, evening, or weekend of romantic together time....chaps...you heard it here first..now go get her.Your time, it's what she wants and it's almost (assuming no baby sitting fees) free. No excuse, have fun together. 

Huge thanks to the following bloggers for their candid input. Why not check out their blogs on Valentine's Day to see if all their dreams come true.

Geraldine at Jog On Mum

Nat at Handful of Halfpennies

Angela at Days in Bed

Emily at Emily and Indiana

Mum of Five Staying Sane

Emma at The Mini Mes and Me

Mary at Over 40 and Mum to One
Emma at The Cheshire Wife
Mother Under Measure
Amy at The Smallest of Things
Chantelle at Mama Mummy Mum
Zoe at A Beautiful Abode
Vanessa at A Happy Healthy Mummy
Carly at Mummy and the Chunks