My relationship with food

I would say that food and I are in a committed relationship. As long as I can remember food has been there for me, keeping me alive, sometimes treating me to something nice.

As a child food was a great friend, and like all friends food would sometimes not be fun, there would be greens and porridge and healthy salad. We would row sometimes, I would refuse to have anything to do with food for meals at a time, but we stayed good friends throughout, until I left home at 16 and we got serious. Now food and I could go all the way. Suddenly food and I were into kinky things, ice cream for breakfast, snacking in bed at midnight. Some days I worried that food was going off me, making me spotty because I no longer ate the serious boring things...was our relationship floundering? Could we survive together. I shouldn't have worried, even when I was struggling for cash and living in a bedsit food stayed with me, slightly more boring but still there, we soldiered on. I still wanted food and food still wanted me, we just got together less often.

And of course eventually the initial passionate freedom phase settled down into a comfortable adult relationship. When I got a better job and no longer struggled, food would suggest weekend treats and I'd give in and we'd sit together in a cafe watching the world go by. Sometimes I would bake something sweet and special and over a week food and I would still spend lustful moments together.

Now I'm grown up and food and I are still close. We have a serious and committed relationship, never a day goes by when we don't see each other, but food knows there are boundaries, that my life is not all about food, some days food must take a back seat.

Food blames alcohol, but I think in an open relationship I should be able to see other calories, alcohol and I hook up at weekends, we have a laugh. Usually food is OK with this, sometimes food is there too. And when I feeling really saucy, food, alcohol and I party late into the evening. I know food loves me best though, because alcohol never joins me for breakfast, but food does.

Food and I, committed, in love, a proper relationship.

Love you food xx

see you at tea time.

Short and Ranty - words

Short and ranty is what this blog post is. Me, I'm quite tall and ranty. Today I'm ranting about the term 'Hack' as in 'life hack, 'parenting hack', 'storage hack', 'money saving hacks' etc etc

What does anyone think this means? Does it mean anything and who started it? Hacking as in the original meaning (to cut, notch, slice, chop, or sever (something) with or as with heavy, irregular blows) came into popular use to mean a break into a computer system. OK I can live with that, it's a virtual cut, or slice, into a programme, fine. But as a life idea? I presume some bright spark somewhere thought 'ooh changing a computer system is a hack so maybe changing something in my life is a hack too'

Well it isn't, you sound ridiculous and this mangling (hack can also mean to mangle BTW) of the language has to stop. I'm happy for words to change meaning over time but grabbing a word and shoving it into a space where perfectly good words for that thing already exist is just ridiculous and demeans the language.

You don't have a 'camping hack' you have a good idea. You see, an IDEA, the word was there already! A cunning thing that people might not have thought of that could help them if they adopted it. Try it, try using "I have a great idea" rather than "I have a hack for that" it works and you sound so much more human.

For some great camping ideas and not a hack in sight try my other blog WWW.TentsAndFestivals.co.uk

It took off with 'troll' too. Troll originally meant a person that threw ideas (often but not always vile ones) out into the public domain to get a reaction. Hence the often used term "don't feed the trolls". Feeding a troll in the form of replies to a deliberately controversial post/tweet/message etc was what they wanted so it was suggested ignoring them would work. Nowadays a troll seems to have become anyone on social media that says anything people don't like and specifically someone who threatens or is particularly vile in their attacks. Well in my opinion while they may be a troll as well, they are more than just a troll, they are often breaking the law for a start and I'd like a new word in this case. Any ideas?

And a last little rant about 'literally'. I am literally going to talk about it! I metaphorically throw up each time someone uses the word 'literally' to mean its exact opposite. Can we not move back to either 'metophorically' or even 'almost'. As in "I almost died" "I almost threw up" "I metaphorically killed him" "I literally wet myself" wait ... you literally wet yourself? I hope you got your jeans cleaned up OK.

Second breakfast

I've never been out for breakfast.

 This morning I saw a photo on my twitter timeline of a family in a car, happily smiling on the start of a journey, the caption was along the lines of 'off for breakfast'. It made me comment that I've never been out for breakfast.

Replies can thick and fast. I was weird, everyone eats breakfast out, what's not to like there's no cooking, a fry up is great, what not even as a student? Etc etc

And no, I've never been out for breakfast. I have been out for brunch, I have eaten a huge fry up, a full English if you will, for lunch and even for dinner, but I've never been out for breakfast.

I've been out for SECOND breakfast, hobbit style. I've woken, showered, got dressed, grabbed a slice of hotly buttered toast and a mug of strong, sweet, hot tea, and then when that's finished, gone out for breakfast.

But wake from sleep...after EIGHT HOURS of no food, get dressed, walk past a full larder but choose to go out STILL HUNGRY. Nope never done that. 

Even when DD and I went to america on the driving holiday of a lifetime, when we stayed in cheap motels that had no cafe attached, we took muffins back to the room so we could have them with coffee and hot chocolate before going in search of IHOP and bacon pancakes.

I was delighted to find after the torrent of tweets telling me I was odd a few people confessed the same, a snack was required upon waking to "break the fast" of the last 8 hours. A full English at a local establishment could be considered only after that, and this was no longer officially "breakfast". I am relieved not to be alone.

So all you breakfast travellers. You are weird. Yes, yes you are.

Petition or Pitchfork?

Online is a funny old world. Social media can often be the fastest 'news' source around and most days I am guilty of checking it before the more standard news sources. We all know by now (I hope) that just because a story is in the paper, in print, it doesn't necessarily follow that it's true. And most of us are aware that fiction can be slewed to fact and vice versa, but oddly we seem happy to trust 'real people', those faceless strangers we meet online.

Twitter is a great place and I really enjoy talking to people there. I'm opinionated (no really!) and so are many people I follow. Opinions are great but some days it seems we forget that opinions are not fact. A huge group of people seem to find that with the advent of 'instant news' via social media, that their opinion, and the facts of a matter can be just as instantly determined.

Wait for all the facts? Don't be silly, I have seen what twitter said and so now I know! In fact there was an article in the Sun/Guardian/Times/Mirror and they agree so it must be true. And  now I am sure that xxxxx is guilty. And that xxxxx is innocent and so next I shall ask, nay demand! that everyone agree with me and grab pitchforks to attack the guilty and sign a petition to protect the innocent!

This was aptly shown his week with the Jeremy Clarkson 'fracas' affair. Currently the BBC, his employer, are looking into the facts. Yet over 300,000 are so sure of his innocence that they have signed a petition while equal numbers malign him and demand his sacking. 

I wasn't there, I know this may shock you, but I don't know the details of what happened. So I will wait and see.

Petitions and pitchforks are a simple analogy for this failure to stop and think. Both have proper useful functions but either, grabbed in haste, make you look foolish when all the facts are revealed. I'd like to think that even in an instant age of fast moving social media we can still use our brains, can still stop and think before we act.

Christopher Jefferies is a man who experienced pitchforks, fuelled by media and misinformation, let us not forget him, let us not be too hasty to be sure that we are right, let us gather facts and make decisions based on them.

Instant social media interaction is fantastic fun. But it should not replace courts and juries, nor a bit of thoughtful common sense. A tweet is just a tweet, it can be a fact or not, I'm not saying you should never act on a tweet, I'm saying you need to use some thought, check, check other sources, don't grab the proverbial pitchfork or sign anything until you are sure, and even then ask yourself is this the best course of action? Don't fall into the 'outrage trap' that can blur a true view of things in its red mist.

The one thing that social media can be great for is asking, asking the questions, keeping a story in the public eye. Never feel you need to keep silent about an important issue. Shouting at those in power, demanding answers can be a vital role of the general public, we have power in our numbers.  Do you have all the facts? If you don't have all the facts, demand them.

But put down your pitchfork, close that online petition page, think about why you have decided your course of action.

Art by DD and me ...she did the angel and devil

A look back - Sir Terry Pratchett and the Discworld

In 1983 two things happened (well lots of things happened but this blog post is only about two) . Terry Pratchett had a novel published and I bought it. And read it (three, three things happened) I was hooked from the very start. I can’t remember why I chose the book, maybe it was the hilarious cover illustrations, maybe it was because at the time I was 17 and obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons and the fantasy genre, maybe it was on special offer. Whatever God of reading was there he/she/it guided my hand and the rest is … silence, as I read through each book as it was published, there were muffled giggles of course at Terry’s witty jokes. There were gasps of amazement later as the books gained in amazingly satirical insight.

Pleased to have Sir Terry in my house... pic.twitter.com/gE6MGhYLKV
— Tattooed_Mummy (@tattooed_mummy) March 12, 2015

I had (actually still have) a huge crush on Samuel Vimes, it may even be real love as I didn’t feel sad when (spoilers!) he finally met up and settled down with Lady Sybil, I adored her too, with her dragons and sensible shoes, and no nonsense approach to all things.
I love all the books of course but not equally. I favour the Watch series (Nightwatch, of which I have a signed copy is my favourite), tales of daring and adventure with a rag tail band of hapless chaps and a girl or two…and here’s a thing, Terry writes fabulous women characters. They, like all his characters, have complex personas, neither good nor bad, they have secret dreams (Cheery the dwarf for example longs to plait her beard and wear lipstick and maybe a …skirt!) and they have problems to overcome (Angua struggling with a relationship with her ‘monthly troubles’ for example) They are tough, like Lady Sybil and the Witches, forthright and knowledgeable like Susan, frequently busty and lusty too (Do not ask about the tuppeny upright!) They frequently have their own stories, such as Equal Rites, and the Tiffany series for younger readers.

I could write for days about characters, events, jokes and Terry’s genius at combining all of them into a world of pure magic but I don’t need to, you can read them yourself. If you’ve never read one why not use this handy guide to find a starter book and dive in to a new world, a flat one carried on the backs of four elephants who in turn stand atop the great A’tuin the world turtle.

I met Terry Pratchett before we had to call him ‘Sir’ though we probably did anyway, at a discworld fan event in 2007 (see if you can spot me) and again at several others. He was always fabulous to his fans. (who it needs to be said are mostly mad – myself included) He put up with us dressing as his characters, being generally drunk and silly, and expecting him to sign things. He never disappointed. We in turn donated to his favourite charities, bought him gin and tonics, arranged events and continued to be silly. I am proud to have shared a sausage supper with him.

I, along with many fans, cried yesterday to hear of his passing. Much excellent fan fiction has been written of his meeting with Death, one of his brilliant Discworld Characters. There has also been some amazing art created. I can’t help but smile through the tears, so thank you to all that took time to create them.

I leave you with the last tweets from Sir Terry’s twitter account. And I shall continue to imagine him sipping gin and writing, in the other trouser leg of time.

AT LAST, SIR TERRY, WE MUST WALK TOGETHER.
— Terry Pratchett (@terryandrob) March 12, 2015

Terry took Death’s arm and followed him through the doors and on to the black desert under the endless night.
— Terry Pratchett (@terryandrob) March 12, 2015

The End.
— Terry Pratchett (@terryandrob) March 12, 2015

Poldark drinking game

First there was the Merlin drinking game, then there was the Musketeers (that's still on, do play along!) and now with the joy that is Aidan Turner as Ross Poldark in the new BBC adaptation of Poldark...there is the Poldark drinking game.

As before the rules are simple, if you see a thing on this list happen in the show, you drink. Choose wisely, use shots at your peril, maybe mouthfuls of wine (or tea) or even play with mini marshmallows or skittles, the choice is yours. Have fun, drink responsibly (because those stains won't come out of that sofa)

A beautiful Cornish sunset/sunrise - 1 drink

Two people share a horse - 1 drink

Anyone bleeds - 1 drink

Ross Poldark is topless - 1 drink

Anyone is naked - 2 drinks

Someone leaps to their feet knocking over wine glasses etc - 1 drink

A fight where anyone rolls up their sleeves or removes a coat first - 1 drink

Ross Poldark's ruffled shirt is undone - 1 drink

Ross Poldark brushes sweaty hair from his eyes - 1 drink
Cute dog in the scene - 1 drink

Heaving bosom - 1 drink

A woman slaps a man - 1 drink

A woman tends to a mans wounds - 1 drink

Someone pays for drinks in a pub by flinging money - 1 drink

Bar brawl - 1 drink
Horse canters across the Cornish fields in wide shot to music- 1 drink
Anyone on a cliff top gazing out to sea, includes on horseback - 1 drink 
Every time Ross Poldark has an alcoholic drink - match him drink for drink

That's enough to be going on with. I don't want to die.

Edited 15/03/2015 - Having now watched episode one I have added a couple to the list - sorely tempted to add 'drink anytime the music is so intrusive it makes you scream - but there is not enough alcohol in the land.

Let me know if you play.

Fifty Shades of terrible judgement - a world book day post

It’s world book day so you send your 11 year old off to school as Christian Grey from the 50 Shades saga.

Is this inappropriate? Yes.
Is this offensive? again, to many people, Yes.
Is it sensible? No.
Is it funny? Maybe to some.
Is it a publicity stunt? Maybe
Was the school right to send him home? Absolutely

I was horrified to see a child dressed as the lead in a soft porn book which deals with all aspects of sexual control and some pretty extreme sexual activity. The mother’s arguments in favour seemed to mainly consist of:

1) It’s a book,
2) It was his idea
3) It’s just a bit of fun
4) It wasn’t meant to be offensive and there are worse characters
And lastly 5).Everyone has heard of the book.

Hmmm I think that at the very least your child should have read, or have had read to them, the book in which their character appears. Of course this young boy has not read this book or had it read to him,nor has he seen the film, of course he hasn’t it is a book for adults. So on this point alone I think the idea was wrong.

As to ‘it was his idea’ I’m not sure I can argue as I wasn’t there – but I suspect that either it wasn’t or that he was egged on after suggesting it, if my own child suggests something inappropriate we discuss why it is not a good idea, we talk about it and I, as the adult have the veto.

Just a bit of fun? For whom I wonder. For him? Hardly as he was excluded form school and mocked online. For his mother? Maybe, she is an internet celebrity for the next few days, though notorious rather than famous. Probably not a ‘bit of fun’ for any girls at his school if he had any inkling at all of how to act out his character…what did he imagine the cable ties where for? Tidying the space at the back of her PC ? This might have been funny at a family party, but at school? (actually I'm struggling to see it as funny anywhere)

Copyright: / 123RF Stock Photo

It wasn’t meant to be offensive, maybe not – but unless his mother lives under a rock she would know that a great many people found the books and film extremely offensive, or at the very least controversial.
Dressing as a character that sparks debate is great if you fully know the book and the character, that is after all what world book day is about! Sparking debate and allowing children to share their favourite books and their knowledge of characters with their friends. But dressing as a controversial character for the sake of ‘a laugh’ I’m not sure I see the point.
Worse characters? Well yes I suppose there are, the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood eating up a grandmother, the villainous thief and murderer Jack in Jack and the beanstalk,  even the ugly sisters in Cinderella who bully and abuse their stepsister could count, but these are children’s stories for children. Stories that children can read and discuss, they can make up their own minds as to the worth of the character and learn because of them. In the case of Mr Grey, in a book the boy has not read he is merely a person..nothing more nothing less and as such is at worst offensive and at best pointless.

And everyone had heard of the book. Of course we have, due to the movie and massive media attention. Most of us are fed up to the back teeth with it if we are honest – surely even those people that actually liked the books are bored of them by now. But of course here I am along with all the news outlets talking about it, again. So maybe that’s the real reason her son went to school as a sexual control freak. To be in the news. My opinion is that the costume was tasteless, pointless, inappropriate and attention seeking.

What do you think? Was the costume funny or offensive? And was the school right to send him home?

The photoshopping of youth

Yesterday Kellie over at Bigfashionista, wrote a post decrying the new trend for people to photoshop themselves before posting a 'selfie' on social media.

As you know I'm not big on selfies, but Kellie thinks that you should post what you like and if you feel fab why not let the world see too. Ok then.

Instagram brought filters back into the mainsteam for everyone to use a few years ago, we no longer assume a sunset was really quite that pink, or a lake that blue. We are used to seeing buliding rendered into 'HD' sharpened and contrast adjusted for dramatic effect.

Technology is constantly progressing and now you can buy an app (I'm sure you can buy many apps, other apps are available etc) called Perfect365 I assume that it is to let you know that even on an off day you can be perfect with a little photoshop magic.(for some before and after photos check Kellie's Blog) or look at what I did to myself ...

The app goes further than just adding a blue haze or a warm glow though. It allows anything from changing your eye colour to airbrushing your cheeks, removing wrinkles, bags under your eyes, filling in those badly plucked eyebrows...the list is endless, and after one or two clicks you can find yourself ...well...beautiful, if by beauty you think of a bland painted doll.


Kellie thinks, as do, I that this is unnecessary and slightly creepy.

But after playing for a while I realised that it is a great app and that every teen girl should have it on her phone!

Yes you read that correctly. I want girls to have this app, and here is why.
I want girls to see themselves in both states, before and after photoshop, with and without those spots and cracked lips. I want them to see that at the touch of a button they can look just like a movie star and then maybe they will realise that movie stars often look like movie stars at the touch of a button too. If a girl sees that she, on her own phone, for free, with no technical skills at all can create a Hollywood style 'perfect' image of her face, then maybe she will stop feeling that she isn't pretty, isn't good enough. An app that allows you to look like those you admire, while showing you that those very people might be using it too, puts you straight in at their level.

Being a teen is tough, being a teen girl feeling pressured to fit a certain mould must be awful and images in magazines enforcing your inferiority are just nasty. So I say hooray! Hooray for an app that shows you your secret beauty, that reminds you that everyone , even movie stars are rarely perfect with out help.

A reminder to young women - you are young, and you are beautiful!

A reminder to older women - you are older, you have life experience, you are also beautiful!

Oh and the app is also hilarious fun...I might have experimented with it on an Ed Sheeran picture...poor pretty Ed.

Book review and a giveaway - Manga Shakespeare

Last year DD and I went to Wilderness Festival and in preparation for seeing As You Like It in the woods we decided we should familiarise ourselves with the plot so that we wouldn't become confused. Of course we were confused a bit - Shakespeare designs the play that way.

The play is a humorous look at love, marriage, deceit and confusion.

It is, as the manga version declares

 "the age old story : brothers quarrel, boy meets girl, boy becomes man; four weddings, two reconciliations - and a girl who dresses like a boy. Well each to their own, nobody's perfect, and ... as you like it"

As You Like It is part of Manga Shakespeare, a series of graphic novel adaptations of William Shakespeare's plays. If you want to get kids into reading then graphic novels can be a great way to start. This book was fun to read and the pictures are very cute, drawn by the Chie Kutsuwada. She is a London based award winning manga artist.

Whether you like manga or Shakespeare or both this book is a nice addition to a library. To avoid extra confusion there is a plot summary at the end of the book, along with a brief history of Shakespeare's life.

Now that we have seen the play (which was brilliant!) and read the book I'm offering it to another reader. It is in pristine condition, I read so carefully the spine is not even creased. Perfect to read or as a gift.

If you would like to own this book (and you live in the UK) use the Rafflecopter entry form below and I'll post it to the winner.

a Rafflecopter giveaway