Guest Post - Pride is not for you

Today the blog welcomes Nick (who you may know from twitter) who wanted to share his (strong) feelings about a recent newspaper article about Pride, what it means and what it's for. And straight friends, I have news, it's not for us....

Here's what Nick has to say ...

It’s 2018, LGBTQ+ people have way more rights than ever before. At least in the UK and many parts of the so-called West, elsewhere our existence is still a legal question sometimes punishable by death. Here in the UK homophobic crime is still prevalent. Personally I probably get roared at in the street about once every six months. And I’m lucky, to the untrained eye I can sometimes pass for straight. Our camp brothers, butch sisters and trans comrades often don’t have that luxury, and for them it is far more difficult.

But we’re good right?

No we aren’t, and the need for Pride remains. Pride was born out of a bloody battle for equality, from vilification, chemical castration, ostracisation, the AIDS crisis, lost jobs, lost lives, and more.

Pride is now many things to many many people. From dikes on bikes, to fabulous drag queens, village groups to corporate giants, baby gays slowly making their way from Narnia to aged battle scared queens. This is incredible and I love it.

But Pride is NOT for Liam Payne to say how his son makes him proud and want to be a better person. Bully for you, you utter knob, he should do. That’s your job, you’re a Dad. In the Evening Standard piece that opens with his mug and the headline:

Liam Payne says having son Bear has ‘changed everything’ as he speaks out in support of London Pride: ‘He’s making me a better man’

You actually have to get to paragraph four before any LGBT person is mentioned.  Instead we get a roll call of the great and the good who are also ‘proud’. Get in the sea.

Pride in it’s origin was not about  our children making us want to be better people, doing well at uni, or anything else in the heteronormative world people are proud of. It was saying ‘We’re here, we’re queer and you can get used to it. We are proud of who we are despite the fact you kick the shit out of us.

So Liam, the Evening Standard et al can fuck right off.

Now I’m absolutely in love with my straight ally friends, and I know we would never have achieved equality without them. I also love them because if interviewed about Pride in London and asked what made them proud, they’d say that the people they love can live their best lives now. They’d reference pride. They wouldn’t make it about them. Because they bloody get it.

Anything else is stealing the air and experiences from a large group of people who are on the receiving end of more violent crime and hate than you will ever know. We are more observant of the world around us and vigilant because many of will still double check our surroundings before holding hands with a loved one. Yeah still, and it’s 2018.

Finally giving the headline to a straight-white-rich-able-bodied-man, perpetuates the idea that not being a racist/homophobic/misogynistic/disablist arsehole is something to be lauded. Are you fucking kidding me? Not being these things is human decency 101. It doesn’t deserve a medal. If you can’t manage all of this you have work to do to catch up.

So Liam et al, I appreciate what you’re doing, the campaign you’re supporting, but no one likes the dickhead that rocks up late to a party and then makes it all about them. If you do decide to make it all about you, expect to be shitting glitter and not in a good way. After all, as the overused meme says, anyone who says hell hath no fury like a scorned woman has never met a mildly inconvenienced homosexual, and at pride there’s thousands of us.

As usual I welcome comments. Or pop over to twitter and tell Nick what you thought.

He's not always this angry...

Rainbow Cake

DD has always fancied making a rainbow cake. We have tried in the past and found that either the cake was pale and barely looked like a rainbow, or we had to use so much colouring that the cake tasted horrible!

As DD just came out as gay it seemed the perfect time to do this thing properly!

So I asked twitter who told me about gel colouring, specifically Wilton, when our local Hobbycraft let us down we turned to next day delivery from Amazon and on Sunday we grabbed our Mary Berry cook book and DD began her Great British Bake Off style fun. She decided that the recipe for a 4 layered cake was not good enough, so she doubled the quantities and made a 6 layer cake... it was HUGE!

Does Parenting Change When You Have a Gay Teen?

My daughter, the lovely DD is 16.

She has really blossomed lately, budgeting for herself, suddenly deciding (against her parents wishes) to have her waist length hair cut to shoulder length, becoming more outgoing, getting herself to and from college without always relying on 'mum's taxi', letting us know when she'll be late and making new college mates and hanging out at coffee shops. In short she has become a teenager at last. So 'almost an adult' that it hurts to think about it.

My baby is testing her wings.

As a parent I know that this is what it's all been about, preparing her for life and for leaving us, but as a parent I also feel the pain of that 'almost loss'.

I'm so proud of her. She did well at her GCSEs, is doing all the A levels she wanted to, is making new friends, and is looking happy. Happier than she has in a while, and she's always been a happy child. Maybe this happiness is linked to the fact that she finally plucked up the courage to come out to her friends as well as her parents.

Yes dear reader, I am the mum of my own little gay! She told me by accident in a mistaken Facebook message back in January, and, well, I behaved fairly predictably. First I checked she sent me the image to tell me something, and not just because it was cute or funny (she often sends me weird memes via messenger) , and then when that was confirmed, I just said "OK" and on we went.

Ten Reasons Equal Marriage is a Good Idea

Yesterday I blocked someone on twitter. This is not a rare occurrence for me, people talk some right old cack and if I don't want to see it, I block them. Homophobia for example is something I don't have time for, I'll politely put across the point that they are wrong, then if they get rude, heated, or just spout ridiculous argument, I'm off.

So after being pointed to a "Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Wrong" type post on the internet and having a swift glance which showed it was basically "because it's not in the bible" and "that gay thing is all a bit nasty" I blocked and left. But I kept thinking about the stupid reasons. So here is my (often tongue in cheek (not those cheeks rude boy!) and not meant to be offensive) reply. 

(I'm using the term gay to cover anything that isn't straight only because I'm lazy and because anything else looks clumsy. Don't feel left out. You are included, unless you are straight obviously)

Ten Reasons Equal Marriage is a Good Idea

1. Gay people are people. Being gay is not illegal (at least in the UK where I live). People should all be treated the same. (I could probably stop with this reason tbh ..)
2. God loves people. (see point 1) He makes people different. He wants people to be happy.
3. The bible has lots of laws in it that change even during the course of the bible, Jesus was very good at changing the rules. Being God I'm pretty sure you can do what you like. Changing the law on marriage would be the work of a moment for our hero, Jesus.
4. Not everyone believes in God (I know I know, what a shocker) People that don't believe in God also get married. No one minds. Sometimes they eve live happily ever after. ;-)
5. Marriage is not about procreation. If it was, old people would not be allowed to get married, nor people with known fertility issues. How offensive would that be! Adoption is an option anyway, or, surrogacy, or in the case of ladies, having their own baby by donor. So get over it, gay people can have kids, or not, it doesn't matter, they should still be able to get married.
6. Civil partnership was described by someone on the radio today as 'marriage lite' (by someone being positive about it!!)  I found that so offensive I almost crashed the car. If civil partnership is 'marriage lite' then it needs replacing, because marriage should be fattening, due to being happy and relaxed and in love and having cake :-) (see what I did there)
7. Gay people are good at parties. They know how to organise and dress right and make great menus and cocktails. Well OK not all of them, probably about the same as straight people if we are honest, but it sounds fun so I'm leaving it it. Gay parties would have more feathers and glitter.
8. Gay people should be allowed to be miserable and get less sex just like the rest of us. (It's an old joke but I'm slinging it in regardless) Why shouldn't two women in love moan about who does the shopping, argue about who wears which dress, have to pick up each others wet towels.
9. Equal Marriage would be good because all the 'offended' people would have to shut up. Be offended. I'm offended there is no equal marriage.You don't have to marry anyone you don't want to. Blimey you can even stop inviting them to your dinner parties (though that would drastically reduce the fabulousness of the said party - see point 7). And no, no on is going to marry a sheep.
10. Because I said so. It's as good a reason as any other. How can marriage be a bad thing? Encouraging people to openly declare their love, to make a commitment, to take responsibility, to be happy and a loving family. If you are against that, you may have some serious issues.

I am straight, and a Christian, and married. But I once met a gay person*


*at least one of my chums blogs over here and offered advice on this post to confused little me, Thanks Pete :-)

Also thanks to Tweeter secret Dom

Equality

Equality 

I thought it was a simple concept. So did Jesus. Every one is worth the same. We are equal, we should treat everyone as we would treat ourselves. Equality. It’s a nice thing. 

So why is ‘gay marriage’ even an issue? I know it’s only a few years since ‘the homosexual act’ (I have NO idea what that is!? I hope some stuffy secretary to an MP somewhere has to write out a definition with diagrams) was illegal but I thought that once that was out of the way we were on the home straight (no pun intended) 

 I’m not gay. But I am married, I’m married for old fashioned reasons like sharing a name with my husband, having a child with our name and sharing her guardianship, being prepared to sign up to something legal as a declaration of our love and commitment in front of friends, family, the world. Being a team. We did not get married in a church, despite my dad being a Reverend.

So Equal Marriage

Uncomfortable Talks with Kids

you know, the sex talk, the........., well basically just the sex talk!!

my 9 year old knows most of what there is to know to be fair, she had the book by Babette Cole bought for her (by me) when she was about 3 - seemed easier to treat the whole thing like it was just ordinary and normal from the start and that has worked well. She is calm and easy to talk to about sex. When she was about 7 we had the 'what does Gay mean?" conversation, all straightforward, because, let's face it, it is pretty straight forward and easy to get! (it's when a lady loves another lady, or a man loves another man just like your mummy and daddy love each other)

* off the point but she got the giggles in class after asking her teacher what it meant, and the teacher said "it's when two men of the same sex love each other" (think about it)

anyway back to the talk, so a few mornings ago she asked "can a man have a baby? because I saw one on YouTube, and on the news" so of course YES was the answer - "but how"

"well in this man's case he was born with a lady's body, he felt sad in the body he was in, he felt like a man but looked like a lady, imagine if you woke up one day and were a little boy not a little girl, wouldn't you feel odd?"

she was thinking and nodding

"so he was lucky, the Drs could give him medicine and do some surgery to make his body match what he felt he should be - but they left some bits so he could have a baby, some lady bits"

her face now a picture...."they made a WINKY?" me"yes they can do that"

"Oh OK"

end of discussion.

she's the best.

Oh and we know a few men that like to dress as ladies, either all the time, or sometimes, she thinks it's funny, but then she thinks it's funny I have boobies so go figure ;-)