Guest Post - Pride is not for you

Today the blog welcomes Nick (who you may know from twitter) who wanted to share his (strong) feelings about a recent newspaper article about Pride, what it means and what it's for. And straight friends, I have news, it's not for us....

Here's what Nick has to say ...

It’s 2018, LGBTQ+ people have way more rights than ever before. At least in the UK and many parts of the so-called West, elsewhere our existence is still a legal question sometimes punishable by death. Here in the UK homophobic crime is still prevalent. Personally I probably get roared at in the street about once every six months. And I’m lucky, to the untrained eye I can sometimes pass for straight. Our camp brothers, butch sisters and trans comrades often don’t have that luxury, and for them it is far more difficult.

But we’re good right?

No we aren’t, and the need for Pride remains. Pride was born out of a bloody battle for equality, from vilification, chemical castration, ostracisation, the AIDS crisis, lost jobs, lost lives, and more.

Pride is now many things to many many people. From dikes on bikes, to fabulous drag queens, village groups to corporate giants, baby gays slowly making their way from Narnia to aged battle scared queens. This is incredible and I love it.

But Pride is NOT for Liam Payne to say how his son makes him proud and want to be a better person. Bully for you, you utter knob, he should do. That’s your job, you’re a Dad. In the Evening Standard piece that opens with his mug and the headline:

Liam Payne says having son Bear has ‘changed everything’ as he speaks out in support of London Pride: ‘He’s making me a better man’

You actually have to get to paragraph four before any LGBT person is mentioned.  Instead we get a roll call of the great and the good who are also ‘proud’. Get in the sea.

Pride in it’s origin was not about  our children making us want to be better people, doing well at uni, or anything else in the heteronormative world people are proud of. It was saying ‘We’re here, we’re queer and you can get used to it. We are proud of who we are despite the fact you kick the shit out of us.

So Liam, the Evening Standard et al can fuck right off.

Now I’m absolutely in love with my straight ally friends, and I know we would never have achieved equality without them. I also love them because if interviewed about Pride in London and asked what made them proud, they’d say that the people they love can live their best lives now. They’d reference pride. They wouldn’t make it about them. Because they bloody get it.

Anything else is stealing the air and experiences from a large group of people who are on the receiving end of more violent crime and hate than you will ever know. We are more observant of the world around us and vigilant because many of will still double check our surroundings before holding hands with a loved one. Yeah still, and it’s 2018.

Finally giving the headline to a straight-white-rich-able-bodied-man, perpetuates the idea that not being a racist/homophobic/misogynistic/disablist arsehole is something to be lauded. Are you fucking kidding me? Not being these things is human decency 101. It doesn’t deserve a medal. If you can’t manage all of this you have work to do to catch up.

So Liam et al, I appreciate what you’re doing, the campaign you’re supporting, but no one likes the dickhead that rocks up late to a party and then makes it all about them. If you do decide to make it all about you, expect to be shitting glitter and not in a good way. After all, as the overused meme says, anyone who says hell hath no fury like a scorned woman has never met a mildly inconvenienced homosexual, and at pride there’s thousands of us.

As usual I welcome comments. Or pop over to twitter and tell Nick what you thought.

He's not always this angry...

My Family and other animals with Amy from Arty Apple

Today's guest post about animals in the family is from Amy at Arty Apple.
 

In 2014 we were on a family weekend away on the Northumberland coast surrounded by dog walkers and beautiful beaches so I randomly decided it would be a great idea for us to get a dog! The kids were aged 4 and 2 and I'm sure where some Mums experience a bit of broodiness for a third child, I was experiencing broodiness for a dog. So, I embarked on my usual journey of Googling everything and badgering my husband to agree with me until he can no longer put up with it and just lets me do what I want. Sound a familiar approach to anyone? Ha! A Hungarian Vizsla was our breed of choice. I'd always wanted a big dog, not sure why but if anyone had asked me previously what I would have had I'd have said a German Shepherd, a Pointer or a Bloodhound, I just love big dogs. Hungarian Vizslas scored really well on the family dog front being described as gentle, loyal and obedient. We have a winner!

OK. Now let me just stop here to say the idea of getting a puppy to raise with the kids was very romanticised at this point. My husband works from home so doggy day care was never going to be an issue but my oh my did I not realise how much hard work was involved in getting through the puppy stage and especially with one who is massive compared to lots of other dogs but is still just a badly behaved puppy.

Talk about tear your hair out. Going out and about with a big disobedient puppy is NOT for the faint of heart. In fact by day 4 of being the proud owner of a Hungarian Vizsla puppy I was filled with deep regret. What on earth had I done? I'd ruined our perfect family. The kids were camped out on the sofa, afraid to climb down in case the crazy puppy scratched, jumped or put their entire hand in his mouth. The idillic view I had of the kids embracing a new puppy could not have been further from the truth. They were petrified, especially our 2 year old daughter. The words the breeder should never have uttered was that if it didn't work out, we could take him back. It was like a green light for giving up and by day 4 I was telling the hubby to take him back and we genuinely were about to load the car when the door bell rang. Our friend from the next street and fellow dog owner was stood there asking how it was going. Terrible, was of course the answer and he's going back! Thankfully a pep talk and a 'you've made your bed you need to lie in it' speech later and we were determined to get on with it and power through the puppy stage. We always think back to that Sunday morning when we were so close to taking him back and had our friend not turned up, we really would have.

Fast forward 2 years and he is firmly part of our family. The kids adore him and none of us could imagine life without him or in fact, family life without a dog. In fact when my son was born I started a personalised baby gift business called Arty apple. My shop only stocked children's gifts until Yogi came along and made me realise they're part of the family too so I introduced Pets Corner with Personalised Vizsla Blankets. I’m sure you'll agree, Yogi makes a very handsome model. I'm hoping to add more breed specific blankets soon!

The main benefit to having a dog is how much it gets you all out and about. We love walks in the countryside and on the beach and even when I hated him (I feel bad saying that as I love him to bits now but this was all true at the time!) Yogi was an energetic puppy who needed a good walk every day and that was the start of my own personal fitness and weight loss journey. I have walked miles with Yogi in every type of weather there possibly is. The good thing is our two kids are now excellent walkers. They've got great calves!

Family dog walks are great and keep everyone fit and healthy. I do however enjoy the walks when the kids are at school and me and the hubby can pick up the pace, these are definitely the more fat burning walks and living at the top of a hill from the city (Starbucks cup of tea stop) reached via farmers fields does make for a tough uphill walk back. The combination of fresh air, beautiful views, muddy puddles, actual uninterrupted conversations and a brisk walk make for a great combo of healthy body and mind. If you'd like to read more about my fitness journey please take a look at my new blog called Mutha Fitness.

Thanks very much to Naomi for allowing me to share our story and thanks to everyone for reading my story.

Amy's website is Arty apple
She is also on the following social media channels…
Facebook
Twitter
Instagram

Gorgeous photos Amy - they put mine to shame! and a lovely story, I'm so glad your neighbour saved the day, I'm well aware of those early awful days, Fizz even managed to break a tooth biting into my jeans she was such a monster! Thank you for sharing your story.

My Family and Other Animals - Guest post featuring cats and dogs

Lat week we were introduced to Colette and her decision to get a puppy at the same time as having  a baby. It was a lovely story and I really enjoyed the puppy and baby pictures - I hope you did too. This week I feature a blogger that not only added a cat to their family post children, but then threw a puppy into the mix too! Let's see how that worked out for Natalie, this week's guest poster from PlutoniumSox

"When I had my eldest daughter, we were a two-dog family. Much as I adored the dogs, I had always had cats as a child and the house seemed somewhat empty without one. So, as time went by, I managed to wear my husband down and he eventually agreed I could get a cat.

Well, within minutes I was online looking at all the rescue sites. We needed a very specific character of cat who would cope with our eclectic family life. Not many felines will put up with two small children and two large dogs. But as it happened, there was one. Luckily, I didn’t care what our family cat looked like. It was all about temperament and personality, both of which Jamer had in droves.

I never thought I’d get a pedigree cat, but Jamer was available for rehoming via the Cats Protection League as she was being bullied by the other cats in her house. And rescue cat was the only breed I was interested in, so she fitted the bill.

As soon as we brought her home, we realised that Jamer was a tiny cat with a massive personality. Whatever we were doing, she was there. She’d chase the sca-elextric, pop bubbles with the children, climb doors and fall off furniture. She was the boss of both dogs and slept where she wanted – even if it meant one of the dogs sleeping on the floor because she was in their bed and wouldn’t budge up.

Sadly not long after we got Jamer, our dog Soxa passed away. After a few months as a one dog, one cat family, I decided it was time for another dog. My husband and I were at loggerheads over this decision because I was insistent that it had to be a rescue and he wanted a puppy because he was worried about getting an older dog with young children.

So, we compromised. I did my research and realised there were hundreds of puppies in rescue shelters. It’s easier to get a puppy from a breed specific rescue, as there tend to be more of them there. We had a chat about it and decided we wanted a staffy. It wasn’t long before I found a 16 week old staffy cross called Millie at the Boxer and Bully Saviours rescue organisation.

We popped in to see her on the way back from a week’s holiday and it wasn’t long before she joined us in our home and Millie became Bubbles. Things have been difficult since then, my husband broke his leg badly in a motorbike accident, so instead of both of us taking responsibility for exercising our young terror, it was just me.

But despite it all, she has turned out wonderfully. She’s happy, bouncy and full of life. And most of all, she’s loyal to a fault. Last year I entered a 50-mile ultra-marathon. She trained with me every morning, with long runs at the weekends. And she still seemed to have plenty of energy.

I started to wonder if she might manage to run the race with me. I contacted the organisers and they were happy for her to join me. So, on a cold, damp October morning we set out across the Gower countryside. My husband agreed to meet me at the 30-mile mark so he could take Bubbles home if she was tired. But she wasn’t ready to stop. We eventually arrived at the finish after midnight, both totally exhausted but happy.

We sadly lost Jamer last year when she was hit by a car out on the road. We’re not ready for another cat yet because she was such a character, there will never be another Jamer. One day in the future there will be another cat in the Plutonium Sox household, but for now there’s just a large Jamer-shaped hole."

Oh I'm so sad such a fabulous cat is no more, and I totally understand how she cannot be replaced. It took us three years to get another border terrier after our last one died. But I do hope another awesome cat wriggles it's way into your life soon, it sounds like your family flourishes with the patter of tiny feet about the place.

If you've enjoyed this post (and who wouldn't!) you can follow Natalie all over social media or on her blog. 

http://plutoniumsox.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PlutoniumSox

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/plutonium_sox

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PlutoniumSox

My Family and other Animals - Guest post

Hello all. I thought it might be fun to run a short guest post series about pets. But not just about pets, specifically about pets that people bought after having children. The sort of "oh there isn't enough pee and puke in the house, maybe we need a puppy too" sort of person.

I myself was guilty of this when at 4 months pregnant I decided one dog wasn't enough so we needed a puppy too (a whole other post) but were other people as mad as me? Well let's find out!

I thought we would start with a lovely post from Colette at Going On an Adventure

"When we got our puppy just months after having our first baby, everyone thought we were mad.

We hadn't planned it that way but our circumstances were a little unusual. We didn't go out looking for a puppy as such, but we had always said that when Mum bred from her bitch Molly, we would have one. It just so happened that my baby and Molly's puppies were born just three weeks apart.

Mum was a complete superstar and kept Thomas, our brindle boxer puppy, at her house for a little longer than usual so she could give him a head start on things like toilet training. By the time he came to live with us he was a good three months old and ready to go out for walks and such like.

I quickly found myself in a bit of a routine which worked for both Ben and Thomas - we would get up first thing, feed Ben and then take Thomas out for a walk around our local park. I soon learned that if I walked Thomas as soon as I could, he was much easier to deal with during the course of the day! Ben would often sleep in his pram for most of the walk and I tended to just stay out walking for as long as he slept - meaning not only did Thomas get plenty of exercise but so did I. With a combination of breastfeeding and puppy walking I lost my baby weight very quickly and without even really having to try.

Having a puppy to walk meant I got to know more people in the area - for a start, you don't get to walk a beautiful boxer puppy around without people wanting to stop and talk to you! But we also made friends in the park, other people who were generally walking their dogs at around the same time as us each day. It's not that I'd have gone for coffee with any of them or anything but it did mean I got a daily dose of adult conversation which any Mum on maternity leave with a newborn knows can be hard to come by some days.

We didn't suffer any sort of jealousy issues as neither Thomas nor Ben knew a life without each other, which meant that when we had the girls at a later date Thomas never really bothered with them. Babies were just the norm in our house at that time. We struck lucky with "Toss" - he was gentle and patient and surprisingly calm for a boxer (unless he was chasing around with his sister and then it was a different story altogether). He was always beautifully behaved, even if he did pull a bit when we walked him sometimes, and we trusted him as far as anyone should trust a dog with their children.

We lost Thomas at the back end of last year, he was only seven and it has been a real shock to all of us but loss is part of life isn't it and far better that our children's first real experience of grief is that of a pet than a family member. Growing up with a pet teaches children responsibility, empathy and boundaries. It shows them how to take care of the needs of others and gives them a friend. Yes, getting a puppy while we had a newborn was probably one of the maddest things we'd ever done but I wouldn't change it for the world."

Thanks' so much Colette for that sweet story. Loving the top tips about exercise and breastfeeding to lose that baby weight, and a dog is indeed a brilliant way to make new friends!

you can follow Colette on twitter at Lollinski

Keep up to date on Facebook at We're Going on an Adventure

And on Instagram at Going on an Adventure Blog

If you got a pet (of any sort!) after you had children, and would like to be featured in this guest series, email me at Tatmummy@gmail.com and include 'Guest Post Pets' in the subject line.

How to buy online (a guide for those of us who would sneer at a guide to buying online)

My good friend Ruth had one of those experiences that can make you cry or make you stronger. I suspect this one did both. It also made her realise that others could learn from her experience, so I agreed to host her guide on my blog (as she doesn't have a blog)

Ladies and gentlemen, I present:

How to buy online (a guide for those of us who would sneer at a guide to buying online)
By Ruth (off of famous singing duo Moss&Jones) 

I’ve been buying stuff online since the 90s, when I had to go into a little internet café on North John Street in Liverpool to get online. If someone had offered me advice on how to buy online a few weeks ago, I’ll be honest; I’d have laughed! However, I think those of us who were early adopters of online shopping have become complacent; we barely think before we click. This isn’t about card fraud or identity theft (although those things do happen) but about what to do when what you’re buying is really important, or you need it for a deadline, or it is hand-made.
Or all three of those things, like, say, a wedding dress.

I was let down at the last minute by a dressmaker of very reasonably priced bespoke mediaeval style dresses on eBay. I bought from eBay in the first place because, well, did I mention it was reasonably priced (under £200, which admittedly is still really dear, but not compared to most bespoke wedding dresses) and mediaeval style? I would have looked like the Waterhouse painting of the Lady of Shallot, in the boat. (Except not going to my doom, obviously.) The dressmaker had excellent feedback; nearly all five stars, so I felt utterly comfortable buying from her. I’d left it a bit late to buy so I contacted her to check she could do it; she promised in a message that I’d have it on time.

Five weeks later, just days before the wedding,  after trying frantically to contact her for about a week (as my dress hadn’t arrived), I ended up having to make a claim for my money back through PayPal, and looking for an alternative dress, last minute, through tears.
Now, much as the temptation to name and shame (or train pigeons to go to her house and poo down her chimney) is overwhelming, I want to do something more constructive that might help other people. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, so I’ve written a little ten point guide to buying (or selling) a wedding dress (or other important/hand-made/deadline-required item) online.

Buyers:
1.    Buy as early as you can. In the dressmaker’s weirdly passive-aggressive missive to me after it all went sour she tried to blame me for leaving it too late. One might suggest that she was at fault for promising she could still do it to such a tight deadline in the first place (weeks, not days, by the way) of course, but I suspect she saw pound signs and promised more than she could deliver.
2.    Speak to them on the telephone before buying. I know, making ‘phone calls these days is a bit passé, but down the line you’ll want to be able to get in touch with the seller immediately, rather than having to wait for replies to messages that may not come. Telephone their listed number before buying. If it doesn’t work, or they don’t respond to messages when you’re thinking of buying, think how much less motivated they might be to answer a call once they actually have your money! Find out how much other work they have on. How long do they usually take? Set some parameters too; when do they think they’ll be able to send? Is it okay to “nag” them to ask for information? How often? Once a week? Will they tell you if there are problems (e.g. with their own supplier)? Be polite, obviously, but do remember this is a business transaction, and a good seller will respect this and not be offended by you asking them questions.
3.    In addition to telephone calls, however, do get everything in writing. The dressmaker in question wanted me to use Etsy to contact her (despite the fact I’d bought through eBay). I did as she asked, but sent copies of Etsy messages to her eBay account, too, and this was useful when I came to get my money back.
4.    Contrary to what I said about ‘phone calls with the seller, please bear in mind that if you buy through eBay and need to speak to a representative there, their “live chat” service is much quicker than waiting for an hour to get through on the telephone. I’m not sure with other online stores, mind you.
5.    Use PayPal! I hadn’t realised this, but PayPal’s buyer protection is really good at covering you in the event something goes wrong. I got my money back immediately with little hassle. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have had the dress, but still, at least I got my money back.
6.    Have a backup plan. In the worst case scenario, what are you going to do? Is there another shop that sells similar items? What’s the latest you can leave it before ordering from them if you original item doesn’t come? Make sure that this is the deadline for your preferred supplier (and make sure they’re aware of this), so that if they cannot fulfil your order in time, you can still get your backup.
7.    Consider buying from an online shop whose physical presence is still relatively local. That way if it does get to near the deadline, a same-day courier might not be too horrifically expensive, or if you have a nice friend with a car, they could even offer to collect.

Sellers:
8.    Honesty. If you can’t fulfil the order, as soon as you know, tell the buyer. Never take on a project you think there’s even a small chance you can’t finish.  Yes, that does mean you might make a little less in the short term, but in the long term, the damage to your reputation from taking on orders you can’t complete could ruin your business. If you can’t fulfil an order, why not have a list of similar sellers who might be able to? You never know, if you build up a good rapport you might end up sending each other business.
9.    Communication, communication, communication. Keep in touch with your buyer at regular intervals to let them know where you’re up to. If there are any problems, let them know immediately and give them a range of options. When you’ve sent the item, tell them. Understand that if it’s something really important to them, they might be a bit stressed, and some of their communication might appear a little short (buyers, see 3., do try to be polite). Try not to take it personally, unless they are actually downright rude.
10.    If it all really does go utterly pear shaped, and they leave negative feedback, don’t then respond with a nasty reply. It makes you look REALLY bad and they’ll only report you to eBay anyway to get the comment removed. It’ll say, “comment removed by eBay” underneath. How do you think THAT will make you look?


I am very lucky, in that I now have an alternative dress; it’s not quite as amazing as my original, but it’s pretty, fun, and I’m the bloody bride, so anyone who says any different will get in trouble! The wedding’s this Sunday, and it’ll be magic. Besides, I might not have my dream dress… but I have my dream spouse.

Guest Post - Tips for Dads

There now follows that rare beast, a guest post. Not by me, by someone else. A dad in fact. Have a read - it's rather fine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rather brilliant @babberblog suggested the other day, perhaps somewhat sarcastically, that I write something called ‘Tips for New Dads’ and, after due consideration, I’ve decided that it’s a rather good idea. 

Except I’ll go for something larger. I’m going to write something called Tips For Dads. Full the stop. Pay heed to these and life will be all gravy. And golden. But not golden gravy because, to be honest, that sounds a bit like piss.

 The Rules.

 1) Never say ‘No. It’s your turn’ when it comes to nappy changes. When you’re about, do them all. This way glory comes. You can experience the wriggling, turning and immensely determined baby, look them in the eyes and sing some songs. Doesn’t matter what you sing but do, they’ll love it. Plus, if you’re a working dad then you don’t get to do them during the day so spread the love. 

2) Cook. Make a nice meal at least three times a week. Every day if you can. Men know nothing about making sensible portions when cooking. If it’s a nice enough meal, then you’ve made something easy for the next day, because I bet you’ve made enough to feed a small army. You’ve made dinner plus a BSE (Bit of Something Extra) so if your OH is at home and can’t be arsed making lunch, something which can be heated up can save them time thinking about what they may or may not want to eat. Plus, everyone loves a man who can cook. This makes you a keeper. Unless you’re me. FYI, salad bags, fresh pasta like tortelloni, and salad dressing are your friend and can make you a chef in under 5 minutes. Bang tidy. 

3) If you can, do the 4am or 5am feeds. It’s lighter now at that time of the morning. If you can do this feed before you go to work then do so. You and your baby can watch the sunrise, watch Rachel Riley on the early morning Countdown repeats on Channel 4 and have a chat. Some of my favourite memories involve these feeds. And, if you can get them to sleep afterwards then you feel like a God. If it’s the weekend then pop them in a cot or Moses basket in the living room and have a snooze on the sofa. For the win! 

4) Take your baby for a walk at the weekends. It’ll allow your other half to sleep, have a lie-in, and you can get into the supermarket early, bring back some pastries for breakfast and some flowers for your partner. Plus, you can do the nod thing with other dad’s mooching around the supermarket at this time of the morning. Evolution tells us we’re hunter gatherers so hunt and gather. Plus, if your little one’s are old enough they can help you, which is anarchic fun. If you live in a market town then get some fresh shizzle from the market. It’ll all be gone by lunchtime so if you’re in town about 9ish you can come back with some good stuff. But mind the oldies on mobility scooters. They’re fucking dangerous. 

5) Count to 5. Arguments, especially one’s through sleep deprivation, are common. Ignore the temptation to bite, especially if people around you are saying things you think are silly. Keep calm and count to 5. You’re a team and a good one. Look at what you produced. Gurgling in the cot, or walking around the living room. It’s amazing. You both did that. Silly little arguments chip away at that. Count to 5 and take a deep breath. You’ll feel better for it I promise. 

6) Don’t beat yourself up, or allow anyone else to do the same Parenting is a tough job. There’s so much we can find in what we do that isn’t the right way or the way parenting experts on TV or in magazines talk about. So what. If it works, it works. And if you or your partner are having a moment where it’s all too tough then call in some friends or go for a walk. Stick the telly on or do something that gives you 5 minutes of breathing space. Don’t be tough on yourself. 

7) Eat smart. Adverts for IBM tell us we need to work smarter, not harder. Food and good food helps this. Fruit’s food and good food at that. Too much bad food gives you wind and makes you snore. Or something. 

8) Get on the floor. Play with your kids on the floor. Jigsaws and building blocks. Cars and train sets. Then you look like a playfriend to them. This is good for flexing those joints stiffened by hours at a desk, in a chair, and you can see the world at your child’s level. You may be the high heid yin at work but at home you’re no longer in charge. Accept that and enjoy the freedom. Plus, when your OH sees you on the floor making a chuff chuff noise with trains, or a brrum brrum noise with the cars, they know at that moment that all’s okay. 

9) Tell them stories. Reading is good. From an early age, it doesn’t matter if they try to rip the book out of your hand and throw it on the floor they’ll see that this is what we do with books. Sitting them on your lap reading a story is great. Making up stories is silly, and fun, especially if they involve lots of silly faces and animal noises and you can do this anywhere. Telling them stories about your family and friends. Things you’ve done and people you’ve met. People who are no longer with you and people who’ve inspired you. Tell them about what you did at work. Make a story up about the big house on the corner. Or just try to remember one. 

10) Sing and dance. Play them your favourite album. Dance to it. Put the radio on. Sing nursery rhymes. Dance around like a loon. Try not to step on their toes but show them music. Form a band. Every bloke wanted to be in a band so give your little one’s some chopsticks, a spoon and some pots and pans and make like you’re Nirvana, or The Red Hot Chilli Peppers. And, like Spinal Tap I go up to 11. With 11 being the most important tip of all. 

11) Don’t take anyone else’s advice. Go with your gut. You’re a parent and, now my friend, you’re the DADDY. You know what needs to be done. 

You know in your heart and you know in your head. Be kind to others and show them the Secret of Life. Fark me. Am I really about to tell you the Secret of Life? 

Okay. 

So I will. 

But come close. 

I need to whisper it because it’s a secret yeah? 

Ready? *Whispers* It’s inside you. You’ve breathed it every single second since they’ve been born. Or not. It doesn’t matter. If you didn’t find that connection or that love you expected immediately, you will. I promise. Or your money back. But you know. Inside you, you know what to do. Inside you know. Because, take it from one who knows, when it’s gone...

By SAHDandProud

Posted with permission

STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU’RE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S UNDERWEAR!

Yup. You read right. This ain’t a musing from Tattooed Mummy, like you’ve come looking for and are expecting.

Nope, this is a musing from Mamacrow.

Now did you read Tattooed Mummy’s post on disliking guest bloggers?

If you didn’t, go read it now. I’ll wait right here for you.

Done?

Ok, well I read it to and you know what – I agreed TOTALLY – in fact, every point she made is exactly how I felt about it too.

‘What could possibly be a good reason for a guest blogger on a blog…………..?’

I just couldn’t have agreed with that statement more.

Until…

I got to thinking.

See, a while ago Tattooed Mummy started the Plastic Joy Award.

Oh dear. You think I wouldn’t have enough time on my hands, but lets just say I’ve worked my 5 out – for purely books AND for TV/Film!

BUT I have this little problem. You see, I started my blog to record our Home Schooling, and therefore, I’ve spread the URL around to people who might need or want to read about that. Like my mother-in-law. And the Local Education Authority Home Schooling lady.

Yeah.

Sooooooo….. I thought… Perfect reason for a guest blog!

TA DA! Mamacrow’s Plastic Joy Awards!

No particular order, and I’ve done the book characters first…


1. Noel Merton (Angela Thirkell Books)

I HAD to have a Thirkell character; I’m obsessed with these period satires. And Noel is just awesome – he totally stands out from most of the others which generally fall into ‘types’, he’s witty, urban, kind, attractive, and marries Lydia who is my ultimate FAVOURITE Barsetshire character EVER, the one I want to be.

2. Captain Arthur Hastings (several Agatha Christie books)

I similarly had to have a Christie character. I never really stop reading her books… The writing is sublime (although admittedly, some are definitely better than others), and I have such a soft spot for Hastings. The first person narration is used so cleverly, so often, and he’s just so lovable – he keeps soldiering on, despite being constantly outfoxed by Poirot so effortlessly. It’s really satisfying when he finally gets the girl (Murder on the Links); the expression of emotions about his dead wife and his children in Curtains gets me every time. I include a picture as I feel that Hugh Fraser is as close to perfect castings as we’re ever likely to get.

3. Pa Ingles (Little House books)

Alright, I admit this one is kinda CREEPY. It’s not that I want a one night stand with him or anything, more that Ma is the ULTIMATE mother role model – I’m never going to attain that perpetual calm and patience although I wish I could – and I wish I could be her when I grow up. Pa is clever, hard working, resourceful, musical, dependable. The Ingles come across as a loving, strong knit family unit… I’d definitely want to build something like that, and Pa would be an ideal candidate to do it. No, not Almazo or Cap Garland – far too flighty.

4. Shane (Jack Schaefer)

Not the film. In fact, I’ve only seen clips from the film. I’m talking about the original Jack Schaefer novel. I discovered it one rainy afternoon when I was about 14 one of our many family bookcases and it just BLEW me away. Just THE most ROMANTIC thing ever. All the more so because it’s all inference and atmosphere. He’s the mysterious stranger who rides in from no where, beats all the bad guys and then continues on his lonely way in the sunset *happy sigh*

5. The Highwayman (Alfred Noyes)

This was the second ever poem I memorised, and I chose it solely because it has a horse in it (albeit briefly). If you’re wondering what my first choice was, it was The Young Lochinvar for exactly the same reason! This is an AMAZING work – the pace, the use of language, it’s just beautiful. I know highwayman were vicious and brutal and sordid in reality, but in this – wow. SO romantic. Moonlight trysts and self sacrifice and his reaction when he hears – he dashes back in broad daylight trying to take on the whole army, just not caring that he’ll be instantly blown away – wow. Just wow.
‘When they shot him down in the highway, down like a dog in the highway, and he lay in his blood in the highway, with the bunch of lace at his throat’
It still gives me thrills and chills. And think, he probably wore thigh high boots….

And now for the ones from screen –


1. Boromir (Lord of the Rings)

Ok. I’m a very visual person. So all the characters on this list – the actor is always going to have a little bit to do with it, and – as in the case of this first entry – I do have a bit of a thing for Sean Bean. Having said that, I don’t particularly fancy him in Sharpe, Golden Eye or Equilibrium, but as Boromir – it’s just the PERFECT casting. Boromir is one of my favourite characters from the book – and yes, I read the trilogy before I saw the films – he is a strong man, a courageous warrior of great skills who struggles with his doubts and fears. He just wants to protect his city and his people, an urge which the ring exploits. He ultimately triumphs, and is reconciled to Aragorn as his king before dying in a glorious, blood spattered blaze of glory.

2. G’Kar (Babylon 5)

Hoo boy. Well, seeing as the actor (Andreas Katsulas) is pretty much unrecognisable under all that latex, this is totally about the character. G’Kar has such an AMAZING character journey in Babylon 5; I can’t even begin to do it justice in a few lines. (However, I am going to bash on and have a try anyway.) He starts of as a somewhat brash freedom fighter, has a spiritual epiphany, and even achieves peace, of a sort, within the complex relationship he has with his fellow ambassador and racial enemy Londo Molari. We get a few treats in later series where he’s wandering about in his quarters with his shirt off *swoon* and yes, the spots go all the way down. Also – his voice. I could listen to it ALL day. He could be reciting the phone book for all I care.



3. Jareth the Goblin King (Labyrinth)


Admittedly I’m NUTS about David Bowie, but you have to understand I saw this film before I ever really listened to his music – in fact, this film pretty much kick started my obsession with him, and it wasn’t just about the tight trousers! (note from Tattooed Mummy - 'fess up, you know it's all about the Bowie Cock!!) I could have been Sarah – I had all those books, posters, toys, played those games – and Jareth not only could have sprung right out of my adolescent fantasies, but in fact he went on to inspire quite a few of them! He’s a maverick, apparently a controlling tyrant, Sarah, as she eventually discovers, has the ultimate power – ooh, it’s a heady mix! And I love, love, LOVE the fright wig.


4. Kareem Said (Oz)


Oooooooh. Just watch it. Yes the actor (Eamonn Walker) is a total hunk, - and a totally amazing actor as it happens – but this one’s DEFINITELY about the character. Said is a man of great integrity but he is real, three dimensional, flawed. He struggles with those flaws. And his voice! Ooooooh man….


5. Lamia (Michelle Pfeiffer in Star Dust)

Oh come on, I had to get a girl in there somewhere. Female attractiveness for me is a very visual thing – If I’m reading about a woman I’m more likely to want to be her – and Ms Pfeiffer just gets better and better… But, again, it's not just the actress – the character is a fab one. I always did like to root for the bad guy, particularly if they were a wicked witch!


Well there you have it. I hope you enjoyed your short sojourn in my knickers, so to speak ;-D

And from this experience – three more cast iron reasons why you should NEVER have a guest poster for your blog –

1. They never meet the deadline.
2. They rabbit on for ages and ages
3. They hid from you on twitter ‘cos they STILL haven’t finished yet