Gobsmacked

Where to begin,

a while ago I read on the BBC (my favourite news site - I told you I was middle class) that a man was arrested and found guilty of buying decommissioned guns and converting them back to real firearms and selling them on as murder kits at £2000 a piece (This is not an advert! don't all rush to get one!) In the UK this is illegal. It is illegal to own a gun without a licence and some kinds of guns......well you just can't get a licence so you can't own one, gun such as high velocity repeating rifles, stuff like the AK-47 which brings me neatly to today's story

In Northern Ireland (home of the Troubles lest you forgot) there is an auction starting today and oddly it has guns in it - including an AK-47 - but they are all decommissioned......so that's OK then. Also the auctioneer states that "Obviously you are not going to sell them to some kids in the street." Again, that's OK then. In fact they are really taking safety seriously and making sure you have a driving licence before you can buy one! Hooray - I was terrible at the emergency stop, but I recall I was excellent at stripping down an AK-47 - what that wasn't on your driving test? just me then!

Excited

some one mentioned Christmas today, so I started my yearly trawl for things Christmassy, and by that I mean themed for Christ. Now I have no poblem with Santa, Elves, Trees, Baubles, candles etc but I do like a bit of baby Jesus at Christmas time, call me boring and middle class (go on I dare you!) but I like Christmas to be a Christian affair as well as a family one. so long story short, I found CHristmas Wrapping paper with Christmas pics on!! Yay and here it is Unsurprisingly from an online store called Christianbits.co.uk Hoorah!They actually have 2 to choose from! (Another) There is some on ebay too but it's in America...

oooh! found some more HERE

a little addition to this post
I found the nicest Advent Calendar (and don't get me started - Barbie et al have no place in Advent as I understand it!!) here -> Divine Fairtrade Advent Calendar I so love this!

My favourite piece of writing about being a mother

We are sitting at lunch when my friend casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family". "We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a caesarian scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My friend's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my friend's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God . . . that of being a Mother.

If anyone knows the origin of this piece let me know so I can credit them, thanks

A week is a long time in......

well in time really. last week I was verging on the obsessive where Twitter was concerned. So after the weekend I thought I'd try cold turkey..... you know what... I like it! even with out the cranberry sauce!

I miss a few of my twitter friends (but then again, too few to mention.... as the song cruelly goes - (and you know who you are!) so I'm closing my twitter account! hooray...watch this space as I get my life back..........

and if you miss me - email me or leave a comment here.

twugs (as they say)

#fancydressfriday

I tweet

a lot

all the time

and now I have to continue - I can't leave (at least not until after Friday) because I won a twitter competition!! Wowee I won #fancydressfriday (probably due to extreme cuteness of daughter and small dog to be fair) but I won! so now I have to judge on Friday!!

So here are the rules
Change your profile pic on Twitter on Friday to one of you in fancy dress. Tweet about it using the #fancydressfriday hash tag
At 10pm or there abouts (BST) I will judge the winner - the winner must then remain in fancy dress for the next week and then judge on the following Friday..... all clear?

and don't forget to either follow me (so I can follow back) or unprotect your tweets for the day if you are normally protected - or I can't find you in search.....

Go get your costumes!!

Orignally published 15/09/2009 - I don't think anyone still plays :-(

Inappropriate Touching

now before you all say "Ooh love that" would you really? proper 'invade your space' inappropriate touching?

It came to my mind because in one week, two of my online friends were touched or had their children touched without permission.

Item one
Imagine, you are struggling with shopping, and a baby that you are hoisting into position in your sling, your dress is a little caught up (always happens) and you plan to get everything sorted, adjust your dress and get on with your day when....... a strange man grabs the dress, at the back, grazing his hand across your bum, and YANK, sorts it for you, ripping it in the process!

Item two
Imagine, you are in the store, your youngest is having a tantrum because you won't buy her sweets, you are just about to pay, you have your hands full, the child is now laying at your feet yelling, you ignore her for a moment so you can pay and sort the groceries when..........a stranger PICKS HER UP and hands her in your direction saying "is this your child?"!

Now to some, both of those occasions could be construed as 'trying to help' maybe they were, maybe they weren't but in both cases the women concerned were upset and then angry.

So, think, is inappropriate touching something you could be guilty of? here's an idea - use your mouth before your hands! (sounds like foreplay advice but stay with me)

When I was little I was told in shops to "look with your eyes, not with your hands" to avoid breaking things. As an adult I propose we try "help with your mouth, not with your hands" In other words ASK if the person needs help. They may be grateful, they may say 'no thanks'. But they won't be upset and angry.

Back to Item One - "do you need a hand with that?" "thanks but no, I do it all the time - I can manage, thanks for asking"

Item two - "Would you like me to help?" "Thanks you, could you just help with my groceries so I can comfort my child?"

sorted

Ask people

don't grab

Uncomfortable Talks with Kids

you know, the sex talk, the........., well basically just the sex talk!!

my 9 year old knows most of what there is to know to be fair, she had the book by Babette Cole bought for her (by me) when she was about 3 - seemed easier to treat the whole thing like it was just ordinary and normal from the start and that has worked well. She is calm and easy to talk to about sex. When she was about 7 we had the 'what does Gay mean?" conversation, all straightforward, because, let's face it, it is pretty straight forward and easy to get! (it's when a lady loves another lady, or a man loves another man just like your mummy and daddy love each other)

* off the point but she got the giggles in class after asking her teacher what it meant, and the teacher said "it's when two men of the same sex love each other" (think about it)

anyway back to the talk, so a few mornings ago she asked "can a man have a baby? because I saw one on YouTube, and on the news" so of course YES was the answer - "but how"

"well in this man's case he was born with a lady's body, he felt sad in the body he was in, he felt like a man but looked like a lady, imagine if you woke up one day and were a little boy not a little girl, wouldn't you feel odd?"

she was thinking and nodding

"so he was lucky, the Drs could give him medicine and do some surgery to make his body match what he felt he should be - but they left some bits so he could have a baby, some lady bits"

her face now a picture...."they made a WINKY?" me"yes they can do that"

"Oh OK"

end of discussion.

she's the best.

Oh and we know a few men that like to dress as ladies, either all the time, or sometimes, she thinks it's funny, but then she thinks it's funny I have boobies so go figure ;-)

Unintentional Haiku

Just a quick share of a moment that made me giggle this morning, darling daughter is 9 and so is keen to share far too much info as children do, this morning she shared information about a fart! but in such a funny way - it was an unintentional haiku - so I repeat it here in all it's glory

I have released some wind
I felt it leave
in a warm whoosh

genius! she has a great career ahead of her, not sure what as..........

Pigeon Holing

no not some new sex act (although actually it may be one - I'm just innocent enough not to know)

it was just that on twitter we talk a lot about sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia, you name your 'group' and there is someone out there who hates you, so I wondered does all the pigeon holing of people into 'groups' help or hinder? we live in a vast Venn diagram it seems, with rings like white, black, christian, atheist, heterosexual, homosexual, trans, cis, disabled, able bodied, adult, child etc of course we fall into more than one ring, but really shouldn't we just throw away the rings and be human?

Or is that an impossible dream, are humans destined - maybe even programmed - to 'group' and 'pigeon hole' others. When you look at someone do you automatically assign them a group or groups, "oh" you say "she's a single mum" or "ah ha a gay guy" you may not mean it as a bad or a good thing, it just is, but can we help it? can we stop it? does it matter?

One of the reasons I love twitter (and the net in general) is that here no one needs to say who they are, you can if you like (I'm a white middle aged mum) but no one needs to know, and you can even lie and see if it changes reaction to you (I have a secret twitter account where I'm not a white middle aged mum ;))

so next time you look at someone try imagining you are meeting them online....now, does it matter which pigeon hole they seem to fit into?