Wife's work

This recent spell of UK hot weather reminded me of something that happened over 2 decades ago.

When I was 21 I started dating a guy 19 years older than me. It was supposed to be a bit of fun, but weeks turned to months, and then years, and years, and we were still together. My family had got over the shock and I was living in sin with my new man (who they referred to as their Sin-in-Law). He knew I wanted to get married, but I knew that he didn't, and part of that reason was that he felt our age gap was too great. "It's OK now" he'd say, "you are 26 and I'm 45, it doesn't seem so bad, but what about when you are 40, or 50?" I would reassure him, "it will be fine, why wouldn't it?" but convinced I was too young to really know, he didn't listen.

Sometimes we'd joke about it, he'd ask me to do some tedious household chore, or help with his tax returns and I would say "oh no, that's a wife's job, I'm just a mistress, I get to sit in the sun and drink champagne!"

Then one hot evening, after I finished work I was sitting in the hot garden, with my hot feet in a bucket of cold water. I was grumpy, and hot (did I mention it was hot?) and he wandered into the garden with an old jumper of his, "would you darn the elbow of this?" he asked. I looked up, grumpy, hot and annoyed. "No" I snapped "I wouldn't, that's a wife's job, I've told you, mistresses don't do sewing". He stood looking at me, how sexy I must have looked, sweaty, feet in a bucket.

"well then" he said "will you marry me? then you'll be my wife, and you can darn the jumper"

A long pause. Seriously? He looked shifty "yes seriously, I've been thinking about it, I think we should get married, I'd like to marry you"

What a romantic proposal. Well it cured my grump. I laughed and said yes. And the rest (as they say) is history. Twenty three years later, I'm still doing the repairs...I even have a sewing box, because you know, that's wife's work.

This post is a personal one. It's just a tiny piece of my history and I'm posting it for me, for my memories and for DD. If you read and enjoy it too, that's a bonus.

Woman have many faults, men have only two

You've all heard the rhyme? "Women have many faults, men have only two, everything they say and everything they do" Yes, haha, very witty, very pithy, very ... untrue!

You know when you are at a job interview and they ask you 'What is your greatest fault?" and (if you are cunning) you have planned some quick witted answer like "I'm a perfectionist, often working late to ensure my work has no errors!" or "I'm a workaholic, preferring to work than spend time at home!" or "I have a rather silly love of spreadsheets, people say I'm boring but I like to think of it as organised!" well this (and the silly rhyme) got me thinking about my faults. 

This is a blog, I can be honest right? No one will judge me? This is the friendly un-judgey interwebs (wry smile)

So..my faults. The more I thought about it the more I realised my biggest faults (IMO probably not my long suffering husband who would opt for 'untidy' and "forgetful" and maybe "disorganised") are related to my shyness. Stop laughing  at the back. Yes I realise I tweet all sorts, blog about all manner of things, send photos of my nipple to other websites for the world to see, but that's not the sort of shyness I mean. I 'll explain...

Fault Number One

I appear standoffish and snobby, brusque or overbearing. I can be very slow to warm to new people (DD is the same) this makes me quiet, I might lurk on the edge of groups, trying to join a conversation but not doing well. being either over familiar or too silent. People think I'm being a snob because I don't talk to them, or assume I'm unfriendly. I'm not and once I know you I'm the life and soul, totally fun and hilarious, massive ego, love myself! (wait that sounds like a fault too ...) moving on ...

Fault Number Two

I use humour a lot. I can seem flippant and uncaring. I'm far from that. I try to diffuse difficult or upsetting situations with humour, a reason people on twitter like my tweets i think, but if you don't know me, or don't know me well I can seem crass and insensitive. I'm really very caring, sad things affect me deeply and when I can, I'll help. DD has this trait too, too much empathy on many an occasion (let's not revisit the traumatic Finding Nemo incident - scarred for life!)

And these faults are because I'm shy. A deep desire to be liked, a fear you will not like me. A real urge to get to know you, to be your friend, a proper friend, but also a funny one.

I do talk to people and I do make an effort to be more outgoing (some early advice from Dame Edna, of all people, helped there, she suggests you 'act as if' - so if you are shy 'act as if you are outgoing' and soon you will be, and it does work...a bit,) but I'm still me.

I hope if and when I meet any of you at events this year you take this into account...my online TM persona may be a few metres away from the real me, but the real me is worth knowing, honestly.

(to confirm how shy I am - the Cheshire Cat above is a hat I wore to the Olympics in London)

What are your faults? Are you brave enough to tell? Are you shy? Is your online persona the real you? Would love you to comment.