Crowded places, kids, and fear

I'm off up to London with DD at the weekend. I'm meeting up with my brother and his family at Comic Con and I am really looking forward to an excuse to wear my Morphsuit and dress as Deadpool again, I even bought some plastic ninja swords to add to the look.

But after the Manchester attack and the tragic loss of life at the Ariana Grande concert on Monday I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous, maybe even scared. Obviously I'm going anyway. As daily news stories point out, I could just as easily die on the drive in to work as in a terror attack, and terror is of course what these evil people hope to cause.

The whole thing has upset me, as I'm sure it's upset everyone. I sway between tears as I read about the beautiful people who died, on a night where they were with friends and family having fun, and then laughter as social media does it's best to snark at terrorists and fight light in the darkness. (see more on the hashtag #BritishThreatLevel on twitter)

I take great solace in reading of the things people did, and continue to do to help others, from kind words, free taxi rides, helping the injured, donating to help with hotel bills and funeral costs.

It is in the aftermath we see the truth of people, many will say we see the best of people, sadly we also see the worst of people, the vile and the racist and the spiteful, this sort of event displays the best and worst of humanity, so I hang on to the images of love and kindness, I look for the helpers.

Talking to DD about London, among my quips about dying wearing a Deadpool costume (oh the irony if that happens, but at least the blood won't show) I talked to DD about plans for us if there was a terror incident, I said that she should use me as a shield, that if we couldn't get out she should lay under me to stay safe, she looked into my eyes, her own eyes wide in surprise, saw my sudden seriousness and nodded, "yes, OK" she said, "but if we are OK, if other people are hurt, we are going to help, I'm going to wear an extra T shirt in case we need bandages..." and there it is, the best of people. I'm proud and heartbroken in equal measure. Not all super heroes wear capes, not even at Comic Con, some wear an extra T shirt.

Copyright: blojfo / 123RF Stock Photo

So I fully expect a fun day out, and I'm trying to keep fear to the back of my mind and keep love and kindness to the fore.

I'll be sharing Comic Con photos after the weekend. Stay tuned.

Woman have many faults, men have only two

You've all heard the rhyme? "Women have many faults, men have only two, everything they say and everything they do" Yes, haha, very witty, very pithy, very ... untrue!

You know when you are at a job interview and they ask you 'What is your greatest fault?" and (if you are cunning) you have planned some quick witted answer like "I'm a perfectionist, often working late to ensure my work has no errors!" or "I'm a workaholic, preferring to work than spend time at home!" or "I have a rather silly love of spreadsheets, people say I'm boring but I like to think of it as organised!" well this (and the silly rhyme) got me thinking about my faults. 

This is a blog, I can be honest right? No one will judge me? This is the friendly un-judgey interwebs (wry smile)

So..my faults. The more I thought about it the more I realised my biggest faults (IMO probably not my long suffering husband who would opt for 'untidy' and "forgetful" and maybe "disorganised") are related to my shyness. Stop laughing  at the back. Yes I realise I tweet all sorts, blog about all manner of things, send photos of my nipple to other websites for the world to see, but that's not the sort of shyness I mean. I 'll explain...

Fault Number One

I appear standoffish and snobby, brusque or overbearing. I can be very slow to warm to new people (DD is the same) this makes me quiet, I might lurk on the edge of groups, trying to join a conversation but not doing well. being either over familiar or too silent. People think I'm being a snob because I don't talk to them, or assume I'm unfriendly. I'm not and once I know you I'm the life and soul, totally fun and hilarious, massive ego, love myself! (wait that sounds like a fault too ...) moving on ...

Fault Number Two

I use humour a lot. I can seem flippant and uncaring. I'm far from that. I try to diffuse difficult or upsetting situations with humour, a reason people on twitter like my tweets i think, but if you don't know me, or don't know me well I can seem crass and insensitive. I'm really very caring, sad things affect me deeply and when I can, I'll help. DD has this trait too, too much empathy on many an occasion (let's not revisit the traumatic Finding Nemo incident - scarred for life!)

And these faults are because I'm shy. A deep desire to be liked, a fear you will not like me. A real urge to get to know you, to be your friend, a proper friend, but also a funny one.

I do talk to people and I do make an effort to be more outgoing (some early advice from Dame Edna, of all people, helped there, she suggests you 'act as if' - so if you are shy 'act as if you are outgoing' and soon you will be, and it does work...a bit,) but I'm still me.

I hope if and when I meet any of you at events this year you take this into account...my online TM persona may be a few metres away from the real me, but the real me is worth knowing, honestly.

(to confirm how shy I am - the Cheshire Cat above is a hat I wore to the Olympics in London)

What are your faults? Are you brave enough to tell? Are you shy? Is your online persona the real you? Would love you to comment.