Lies to tell small people ... or, What is true?

I've always had an honesty policy with my daughter. I won't lie to her.

I hear you all saying "but what of Father Christmas? What of the Tooth Fairy? how do you explain them?" and the answer is that I explain them in the same way I explain other beliefs. When DD asked me is the tooth fairy real? I responded by asking her what she thought. She said "I hope she is real, I want her to be real, I don't want her to be YOU!" so I said, well lets hope she is then, there is money under your pillow so maybe she is. Is this lying? (does she KNOW!) maybe, but it works for us. Ditto Father Christmas.

"someone at school said that Father Christmas is your parents"

"did they"

"yes, they said your parents buy all that stuff in your stocking"

"do you think I buy all that stuff? as well as all the gifts you get round the tree?"

"well......I don't know"

"do you think he's real?"

"do you?" (wowser now she's chucking it right back at me! I've taught her well)

"I've always believed in father Christmas, he brought me toys when I was small, I think that once you don't believe then maybe he stops and sometimes parents then carry on doing it"

"Yes, I think he's real, not the ones in shops though, they aren't real, they are just people dressed up"

So with all this honesty hanging about, talking the 'sex' talk was a breeze, (helped along by Babette Cole and her funny and informative book 'Mummy Laid and Egg') but what about the other great taboo in our western culture........

DEATH

Now, I know a mum that lied about death so much with her kids as they grew up that I can only assume they will never trust her again, not only (like Phoebe's mum in friends) did she fast forward videos to avoid deaths (such as Bambi's mum's) but when a much loved and very old dog died she told them it was at the hospital, this was 7 years ago, they still ask after the dog "the nurse says she's still too sick to come home" really? after 7 years? (actually because I'm honest I had told my DD that the dog died so she wouldn't ask after the dog, her friend said the dog was at the hospital and my DD piped up "No she's not, she's dead, my mum told me!" so really they are trying to catch the mum out in her big lie but I digress)

So, death, DD has always known that things die. On a purely practical level I told her, things wear out, bodies wear out too, everything dies one day, this is to make room for all the new babies, if no one died, no one could be born, the world would be still, and boring, nothing would change.

We have had pets die, there were tears, and burials. And moving on.

All good. But what happens next........where do we go when we die? Back to the old 'throw the question back' time! Where do you think we go? what do you believe? I've told DD my Christian beliefs. But pointed out that no one 'knows' as no one has ever come back to tell us. So there are lots of things people think; some people think when we die, that's it, just nothing; some people think we come back as someone or something else to live again; some believe in other worlds or places we go to like heaven; or that we stay here but invisible, like ghosts; but they are all just beliefs, no one knows for sure.

DD is happy to believe, and she also thinks maybe (as Terry Pratchett's Death has hinted) we all get what we believe we'll get when we die. (which is not always what we deserve, but there you go) That said, DD and I plan to party in heaven, where there will be pets by the way....this is confirmed by my dad who is a Rev. so he should know! Everyone will; be happy in heaven, if you are not happy without your pet, your pet will be there! so there you go (I'm guessing there may be pet free zones for those that dislike them :-))

When DD tells me that I mustn't die, I never say "I won't" (how silly to promise that!) I always use, "I don't plan on doing it anytime soon", when I or anyone else is sick and she asks if they will die, I rarely say 'no', but usually go with "I doubt it, it's only a cold" or "I hope not, but they are very ill, we must hope the Drs can help them get well". So for me telling the truth is much easier than telling little lies. And so far none have come back to bite me.......

Rainbow Bridge - a Poem about pet loss and where pets go

Christina Rossetti writes the best poetry (in my opinion) about Death

REQUIEM
When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me:
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget. I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain;
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.
From Goblin Market and other poems (1862)

REMEMBER

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
December 29, 1894

And the Plastic Joy award goes to......

Recently on twitter there have been a few tweets that have stuck around in my subconscious. There they lurk and occasionally float the surface, bob for a minute and sink again….so today they all bobbed up at once, like flotsam after a shipwreck, and caused a thought…… this blog post is the result of that thought.


So there are ‘AWARDS’ on blogs, and they are like memes in that you usually have to blog something and then pass on the award. This is a cute idea, it links blogs and introduces you to new people and new blogs. But where do these awards begin? Who creates them?


Well in this case – I do!


This award is the Plastic Joy Award. Now, I wanted to call it the plastic s*x award but guessed that that would attract bots to my (and your!) pages like blood attracts sharks to a shipwreck so…Plastic Joy. It was created in reaction to the picture above, where action man and an unamed myscene doll were caught in the act in my bathroom!


Here’s the thing, if you are awarded the Plastic Joy award you must list 5 fictional characters that ‘you would’ (you know what I’m talking about! Don’t pretend and stop sniggering at the back, I’ll speak to you after class) these should be the fictional character not ‘actors’ who play the characters on film or TV (so no David Tennant!!) but actually fictional characters themselves. You can expand on ‘why’ if you like but you can also just list them. (and leave us to comment and wonder!) Book characters would be easiest as they rely on your imagination more.....

And then, copy the pic to your blog, link back to here and pass the award on to at least 5 people. Let’s give it a whirl


1. Sherlock Holmes

2. Edward Cullen (I’m not proud of this BTW)

3. Worf (or to be fair any Klingon – I’m not even fussy!)

4. Sam Vimes (if you do not know this character run off and read some Terry Pratchett immediately. Guards Guards would be good.)

5. Superman (what’s not to like really!! He can fly too!)

so who get's this award? hmmmm

Josie

Heather, who's interesting blog is here

Geriatric Mummy, who's lovely blog has sadly closed :-(

Mediocre Mum, who's mediocre blog is here

and Hayley, another blog that has closed since this was published.

Wordless Wednesday

Something I did and continue to do, I think I'm good at it!

Some information about me that I didn't know for many years, I have Charcot-Marie-Tooth also known as CMT and Hereditary Sensory and Motor Neuropathy. I've added a link there so you can pop off and read up on it if you like. It's OK I'll wait, go on....go read, we have time.

OK all done? so now you know I have issues with balance, my muscles don't work right, I can't feel stuff (or sometimes, oddly can feel stuff more intensely) and cold makes me freeze up completely.

Ok onward, what did I do that was so great? I made a new person! a whole new person! perfect in every last detail, and I popped her out the way I wanted to! I had minimal pain relief, and there was water....

Now I don't know about you, but creating a whole new person? Seems pretty damn fantastic to me! a real miracle and the pope can make you a saint if you do a miracle, personally I think all mums qualify, and yes I know we need the dad to help a bit at the beginning but 9 months of growing a baby is what we mums do! And some of us continue to be the only source of food for that baby for months after that when we feed that bundle of sweet wriggliness with milk from our own bodies. See there is another super power right there! We make milk! (I know all mammals do all this but you know - this is all about ME!)

OK so here is the birth story (men and non-mums may now be bored and are allowed to skip down the page if they like, there are pictures later, not gory ones, nice ones)

I had no idea about the CMT when I became pregnant, or until about 2 years afterwards. I was 34 when I got pregnant and was just outside the 'older mum' label! But at the birthing class while there were other mums in their 30s it was obvious that over 30 and a first time mum was slightly unusual (not so now but this was 10 years ago). So there I was 34, odd one out and wildly excited! I was making a baby!!

I enjoyed every second of being pregnant, I wasn't excessively tired (not more than normal anyway! tiredness it seems is relative and I am permanently tired due to the CMT!), and I enjoyed throwing up (yes really because it meant I was PREGNANT!) I commuted to London and worked 10 hour days until a few weeks before the birth, I was super mum! (I did not like the sods that never gave up a seat on the train for a hugely pregnant lady by the way - so if that's you and you are by chance reading this, shame on you! when you are pregnant it's hard to balance on a swaying train, your legs ache and you are often tired, and feeling sick, give up your seat!)

So pregnancy went well, despite constant referrals to Drs (by the nurses) as I was SFD (small for dates) until finally a lovely Dr wrote VERY SLIM MUM on my chart and highlighted it!( I never did go up a bra size, despite being turned away from maternity bra shop 3 times as the nice lady fitter was certain my boobs would suddenly get bigger.) Baby was growing fine and as the weeks passed my excitement grew. On her due date, despite a 3 mile walk with the dogs, nothing......... so I was booked for induction in 10 days time.....luckily for me lovely daughter (known online as DD) had other plans

One evening, exactly a week late at 10pm just as I was getting into bed...my waters broke! so clutching overnight bag and birthplan (lovingly composed some 8 months before) hubby rushed me to the hospital (ignoring repeated requests for him to slow down)...seriously guys do you like this bit? is it that you get to drive like Lewis Hamilton through the town centre for the first time in your life? Do you secretly hope the Police will stop you and then give you an escort, lights and sirens on? It's not necessary in most cases you know! Oh well I guess hubby enjoyed it.

So here's the what I did well bit! (finally i hear you all sigh!) I stuck to the birth plan, all of it! Even in the face of adversity and pressure from the midwife...

I had a TENS machine, and I walked around. I used the birthing pool. I only had gas & air, no epidural (the idea terrified me!!) I wasn't 'cut' - I tore (too much info? sorry about that! i did warn it was birth stuff!). Hubby was with me all the time. DD was born under water in the pool. (and I only swore once, that wasn't in the plan but...hey I was having a baby!) And even though the midwife asked me 3 times if a student could come and watch I stayed firm and said no. We waited for a while before cutting the cord. DD breastfed straight away.

I breast fed. I did not give up despite horrendous problems on day 5, involving a rushed trip back to hospital when DD couldn't latch, I had engorged breasts and we were competing for who could cry most! I used cloth nappies (not at all fashionable or easy 10 years ago) and we washed them ourselves and dried them on the washing line. I took a year off work. We decided that hubby would stay home and be daddy, and he did and it worked great.



And I think I'm still doing well, despite the CMT I do all the things mums do, I take her riding, camping, on holidays. I teach her things, I try and ensure she thinks of others and what is right and wrong, that not all things are easy or black and white, that things need thought. I tell her that I love her, I hug her a lot, I play silly games with her, I also try and give her the freedom she needs to flourish, even when that's scary. (see previous blog post)

My daughter is 10 now and she is caring, bright, funny, pretty, all the things a parent could want from a daughter. She likes makeup and goth clothing, she loves babies and animals, she can swim, ride, roller skate, play the clarinet....

..but maybe I should be just a tiny bit British as it's not really me that is doing all this, I can't claim all the credit, she is just an amazing person, ......


.....and I MADE HER!