Gross books for gross kids

OK the title to this post is a tad misleading. While the books may be gross I don't think kids are, but they do all seem to go through phases of being fascinated with things that, as adults, we have been conditioned to see as 'not nice' or 'not to be talked about' so it's a jolly good thing that some books are around that cover these subjects to help us squeamish adults cope with life, and kids.

I have just been rereading Snuff: (Discworld Novel 39) (Discworld Novels)by Sir Terry Pratchett and Vimes's son Sam is fascinated with poo and dirt throughout the book, which made me think about children's books that we had loved..

So here are my suggestions for 'gross books' based on books that DD had a smaller person, and that we both really enjoyed, because you know what? Poo IS funny!

Dr Dog - Babette Cole
A book about a family dog that happens to also be a Dr. He struggles with his family as they are rather silly and at times quite disgusting, sharing hairbrushes, scratching their bums and farting far too loudly. Along the way Dr Dog teaches small children some hygiene tips and gives us all a laugh, he also gets rather exhausted...poor Dr Dog

Drop Dead - Babette Cole
Another book by the same author looking at the stark fact that however exciting and wonderful (or not) our lives may be, we will all suffer the same fate in the end and just Drop Dead. Tackled with love and humour this is a funny book for small children. It only tackles death due to old age, and does have a weird reincarnation hint at the end, but is simple and funny. As always with Babette's books the artwork is lovely.

The story of the little mole who knew it was none of his business -
This was bought for DD when she was small and soon became a firm favourite at bedtime. A mole finds himself in the unfortunate position of being pooed upon. Having poor eyesight he is not sure of the culprit so he sets off to find out, and to exact his revenge. On the way he explores many types of poo. Poo lovers will enjoy this book, and will find it invaluable on trips to farms to help identify poop.

Here Comes the Poo Bus - Andy Stanton
A Bus is coming to take the insects to the seaside! The bus is made of poo so who could resist? A totally gross story in rhyme of a trip to the seaside, some laugh out loud moments, some truly horrible illustrations and a rather dark ending make this a hilarious read for all!

There are many other poop themed books for small children, but I cannot say I have read them all!
Books about Poop

But what about wee I hear you ask! I'm glad you raised that point!

Why not have a read of :

Father Christmas needs a wee -Nicholas Allan
In which Father Christmas tries to deliver presents before he goes to the loo. Any child who has hopped about declaring they don't need the loo yet will be able to appreciate Santa's predicament...will he be in time? Read this rhyming book out load for tense chuckles and to find out the answer! But don't laugh too hard!

I want my Potty! (Little Princess)  -
Any parent who has run through the house with a potty will  be cringing along with the story in this book. The Princess needs her potty, but where is it? and where is she? Who is in charge and can they get the potty to her before it's too late?

Mummy Laid and Egg - Babette Cole
And last but by no means least - my favourite book ever about sex. A manual for everyone, from 3 years and up. Take care with the ways 'mummies and daddies fit together' some of the ways are not for the faint hearted...or those with poor balance. The perfect book to teach children where babies come from.

Have I missed any books that you love that are slightly (or even very) gross? Do let me know in the comments.

Meanwhile I'm off to read my book (yes I really have a copy, and yes it is full of glossy photos of poo)

Post contains Amazon affiliate links - if you buy a book via these links I get a small percentage, and it costs you nothing.

Thank You Letters

The last time I put pen to paper and wrote a thank you letter....hmm let me think...I thanked my best friend for the gift she sent for my 50th but that was a text, I thanked my daughter for my mothers' day gift but I thanked her in person. I thanked my American mate for something she sent but that was an email...no I think the last time I put pen to paper was when I was about 16.

When was the last time you wrote a thank you letter? And do you make your children write them? We have always made DD write cards and letters of thanks (drawing pictures when she was too small to write) and my friends all ensure that I receive a thank you card if I send their child a gift too. But are they really still necessary in today's busy electronic world?

A thank you I received in a recent Amazon delivery!

First things first, I don't usually expect a thank you letter or card if I give the present direct to the recipient. After all, I know they received it and they can say thank you there and then. I do however like a thank you letter if I have posted a gift, and if I receive a gift via the post I ensure I send some sort of thank you as a way of not only showing gratitude, but of letting the sender know that their gift arrived. And when DD was small and had large birthday parties, we ensured every child received a thank you card for coming, and for the gifts they brought.

Lately though I've realised that actually writing the letter may be a bit old fashioned. I'm not a Victorian. I can text, email, tweet, Facebook, Skype ... well you know the drill. So should I still be asking DD to write thank you letters? And should I be doing it too? Or not? I asked a few parenting bloggers if their kids wrote thank you letters:

Katy says "I've never received a thank you card for Christmas, only for a wedding or a new baby. That is fine with me too. I'll get my daughter to say thank you to people when she receives gifts." http://katykicker.com

Stevie says "I always used to mean to do it and bought cards every year just for that purpose, but we've gone 'modern' instead. The boys either text people, email them or give them a quick phone call to say thank you on the day." www.acornishmum.com

Milla says "I always mean to send them. Most years I even handmake thank you cards with my kids before Christmas (my logic being that the writing inside doesn't need to be as fulsome if the card is handmade ) but I hardly ever get round to actually sending the wretched things. Post-Christmas is such a mad time with family birthdays and back to school and calming down hyped-up kids." liveoxfordshire.com

Mary says " I'm old school. If someone had taken the time to send my son a present or give him money then he is writing them a thank you note. I think it's really rude when people don't acknowledge the fact we've given them a present. It doesn't need to be War and Peace, but he does need to make a little effort" http://Over40andamumtoone.com

Naomi says "I send them - usually a postcard of a recent photo of the kids. Mine are 4 and a baby, so at the moment I have "Thank you for my Christmas presents" and then write their names. When they are older they can write them themselves. I think it's polite - - if someone has gone to the effort of getting a gift for them, it's just a thank you. I should add, lots of our friends and family live some distance away, so we don't see them very often." Http://lifebynaomi.com

Louise says "We do thank you cards for birthdays and with Christmas I usually send a photo of the child with the present or a video of them saying thank you as the presents are mostly from family." Http://pinkpearbear.com

Beth says "I've never sent or received a thank you card for Christmas. We do for birthdays but not for Christmas. We are lucky though as usually see all the family who buy gifts so they can say thank you there & then. My Dad always says seeing their reaction is priceless so this means more than a thank you card I guess" http://Twinderelmo.co.uk

Dave (slightly shocked) say "I didn't even know this was a thing! Growing up, I always said thanks to people by ringing them or face to face when I next saw them. I kind of like the sentiment of spending the time to write a letter with / on behalf of Toddler L, but the truth is that we're never going to get around to doing that!" www.thedadventurer.com

Kate agrees with Dave and says "I didn't even know people did this. I was always taught to call or thank people in person, and then later my mum would send a picture of me playing/wearing said present. A lot of our friends live quite a distance away so this is probably going to be an option, however with modern technology you can Skype/FaceTime." Http://Lesbemums.com

Abi says "I always send them. We always sent them as kids so have just continued doing so. Even if we see the person to thank in person, I always follow up with a note. Might take me 6 months to post it, but it goes eventually! I may take a more modern approach of text/email as the kids get older/ we have more!" Www.somethingaboutbaby.co.uk

Sophie says "Writing thank you letters and cards after receiving birthday or Christmas presents was drummed into me at an early age. We HAD to send them, even if we had sent 'thank you' in person or when we had opened the present in front of them. As I got older I got nagged as I tried to explain that saying 'thank you' in person or on the phone should be enough. I can't imagine what the postage costs were! When I talked to friends or my husband about their etiquette most were quite surprised about the letter writing. These days the relatives who used to send a card for any occasion have started barely sending any, probably due to cost of postage and I'm happy to email." http://www.sophieandlily.co.uk

Cat say "I do it for older relatives and distant relations who are 'that type' but now I usually send a quick picture message or short video with a bit of text saying 'thanks for your pressie'" rockandrollpussycat.co.uk

Jayne says "I'm useless at thank you cards. I try and take nice pictures of the kids and the gifts and attach a message saying thank you." http://kidskicksandcloth.com/

Steph says "I always make sure we send thank you cards. I write them and the children sign them (as they are too young to write a whole card). I always find it really rude when I don't get a thank you from others. I'd be more than happy with a text / email/ call but it amazes me that some people don't acknowledge the pressie at all." http://www.hellobabyblog.co.uk

Laura says "With four children and countless gifts, it really isn't feasible for me to get them to write out thank you cards (more so as three are unable to write!). I tend to do a group text or share a post on facebook tagging everyone to say thank you, or if it's an elderly relative we phone them up to say thank you as they seem to expect a more personal thank you." www.fivelittledoves.com

Lucinda says "Once children can write they HAVE to write their own thank you letter whether they have opened it In front of the giver or not. I think they have to think about the thought and action that went into choosing a present for them, and thank accordingly. Old school maybe but we don't want the next generation to lose the art of being able to write a hand written letter!" www.thelondonmummy.com

Claire says "I myself have never sent thank you letters for anything or received, I've rung or texted the person to say thank you and wish them merry Christmas etc as it is important to take a few minutes to show gratitude for the people who've spent their time and money on gifting something thoughtful. I'll definitely be encouraging my little boy to do the same, at the moment while he is so young my partner and I will send a picture of him using the gift and whatsapp it or email it to the person who gifted it or we will say thanks ourselves over the phone but we will definitely be encouraging our little one to do the same. Letters & cards etc takes so much time!" www.dearmummybear.wordpress.com

Lara says "Hmm, maybe I'm old school then! We always send them and making them doubles as a fun wet weather activity! I think it's really important to teach them to thank people for their gifts. However we never receive them from other family members, only from friends Which is a shame. I totally get that modern life is busy and I expect once the boys are older it will be more likely to be a digital thank you but for now it's important we do it in physical form. It also means we take the time to remember whom each gift has come from." www.adventuresofamum.com

Rebecca says "We always thank when the present is received but maybe not after opening it. Oh I am so hopeless at sending thank you cards. I always buy cards to send but keep forgetting!" Http://becster.com

Jennifer says "When my children were tiny I'd make sure thank you cards were sent for every gift, I'd do a crafty afternoon with them get out the glitter and decorate some cards, then I'd write and send them. As they got older and could write themselves this turned into something much more time consuming. Now we'll make and send cards to a few people, such as elderly relatives but if it's someone who's on social media we're more likely to take a photo with the gift and send that to say thank you." Http://www.mymummyspennies.com

Laura says "I love getting thank yous so always make sure we say thank you to people. I write notes for older people that have posted things but younger relatives I'll send a video of the kids saying thank you or type a message or email. I'm not ever so organised though so it is sometimes a while after the event." Www.wafflemama.uk

So it seems we agree that some sort of thank you is in order, we mostly agree that cards and letters are nice (especially for older relatives that may not be as tech savvy) but that it maybe we are moving into a digital era where a 'Thank you Youtube clip' might soon take the place of a card - what a shame Vine is closing down, all those thank yous, sorted in 6 seconds each!

What do your family do? Do you write thank you letters?

Evil Aunties and Wicked Uncles

I am not only a mummy, oh no, I am also an Auntie. I have two nieces, and several 'honorary' nieces and nephews, the sort where you are almost a mum to them because they are the kids belonging to your  mate. Though in my case many of these mates are now scattered across the UK and we don't see each other that much. I'm not an Evil Auntie though so I still like to send the little ones fun presents on their birthdays and at Christmas.

So I was happy to have the chance to review a website with the rather silly name of Wicked Uncle, for some reason I pictured a sort of Lemony Snickett character behind this enterprise but I needn't have worried, the website is neither gothic nor run down, it is fresh and clean and easy to use.

The premise of the site is simple, much like a wedding planner saves the bride from tearing out her hair over the organisation, Wicked Uncle does all the stressful gift giving for you, all you need to do is to choose (which Wicked Uncle helps with) and then pay and all is done.

Gift wrap, cards, messages, delivery all sorted, you can just sit back and bask in being the brilliant organised Aunt (insert the relative or friend of your choice) and wait for the thank you card to arrive. And arrive it will! Because Wicked Uncle have a rather genius option of a multichoice pre addressed thank you card, so  that all the little rapscallion needs to do is add a tick and a stamp and post it for you to be thanked!

I was so pleased with the site layout, while there are options for Boy/Girl searches, there is also a much more useful 'All' option and then the toys and gifts are sorted by type of recipient rather than gender, so you can search for categories like 'Brainiac' or 'Snuggly' or 'Outdoorsy' or 'Role play' and many more. Each category can be further sorted by age suitability, perfect for when you haven't seen the little darling in over a year. My favourite bit of the site were the little messages that pop up when you add things to your basket

And while obviously buying a glow in the dark zombie shark is super cool, the messages vary, always complimentary and always amusing.

The choice of toys and gifts is fantastic, from Zombie Brain Poppers at £7.99 to Poop Emoji Cushions (we all need one) at £12.95, and from Cuddly lanky cats at £12.95 to Story Cubes at £9.95 (I bought some of these, great for games around the campfire! and for bedtime) and so so many more, I loved the site and found navigating it really easy, I can't stress enough how simple it was!

Make your own super hero mask

I chose to have a couple of presents wrapped, and unlike some other online retailers, the wrapping price is not horrendous as it is only £2.95 with each additional present at £1.50 and there are lots of paper designs to choose from. And standard delivery is only £2.95 (though there is a speedier option too)

Robot Clock

The parcels can be sent out same day if you order before 4pm! so no excuse for belated birthday gifts. Personal messages can be added free of charge (handwritten by elves on the present label) or you can buy and add a card.

My parcel arrived in good time, with the excellent thank you card included (obviously if you have the gift sent direct to the child this makes more sense!)

I will be using the site again, it was so easy, such a great choice from baby to teen (and beyond if you have a silly sense of humour) from cheap small toys, classic wooden ones, to big main presents for the one child you really like ;-)

Inflatable Penguin snowboard!

I dare you to have a browse and not find something you just have to buy - perfect for Christmas. Go on, have a look.

Disclosure - I was sent vouchers to spend on the site - but I loved it so much I spent some of my own money too! The words and thoughts in this review are all my own work, typos and all.

Poems and Memories of childhood

Image credit: teerapun / 123RF Stock Photo

A while ago I blogged about my grandma, she was my mum's mum (so cute, that thought, like matryoshka dolls!). My dad's mum died when I was only about 3 and I have no real memory of her, and just a framed print with a poem on it that she gave me when I was 2.


The poem:

Little Girl so roguish,

little girl so gay,

May the years all hold for you

time to romp and play

and when duty calls you,

may you do your part

just as eagerly and well

bless your little heart

now I hear you all cringing and maybe even vomiting but it was in the 60s and she was brought up in a time when duty and being a 'girl' and being 'proper' were all terribly important. Anyway it reminds me of her and I like it - I also like that she exalted me to be roguish and gay! lots of romping still to do too - may eventually do my duty - who knows.

Funnily enough my dad's dad (my granpop) was a poet (but didn't know it - as he often said) he was full of silly jokes and silly rhymes and now I find my self saying them to my daughter - she finds them as hilarious as I did. Some are well known rhymes and others are more obscure but I thought I'd blog them, as much for me as for you :-) but if you are reading, enjoy, and thanks.

*warning total lack of any political correctness

Where was Moses when the light went out?
In the dark

And the Lord said to Moses "all the Jews will have long noses, except for Aaron, and he'll have a square'un"

And the Lord said to Moses "Come Forth!" (but he came 5th so he lost his pocket money)

Cough it up! Might be a gold watch!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ladles and Jellyspoons

I come before you
to stand behind you
to tell you something
I know nothing about

Next Thursday,
which is the day after Friday,
there will be a Ladies meeting,
for gentlemen only.

Admission is free
you can pay at the door.
we'll give you a chair
and you can sit on the floor.

It makes no difference
where you sit
The boy in the gallery's
sure to spit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other

One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee
A blind man went to see fair play
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralyzed donkey passing by
Kicked the blind man in the eye
Knocked him through a 9 inch wall
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all

A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came to arrest the 2 dead boys
If you don't believe this story's true
Ask the blind man, he saw it, too!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not last night but the night before, the sea caught fire!
the deaf man heard it
the blind man saw it
and the man with no legs went running for a fire engine
which was pulled by two dead horses,
they ran over a dead cat and half killed it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next song,
will be a dance,
sung by a female gentleman,
barefooted, with his fathers boots on,
sitting on the corner of a round table
eating vinegar off a fork.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so there is no point to this blog post - no great meaning, just a silly reminiscence of my grandparents on my fathers side..

...my granpop especially, an eccentric chap who had a large black dog called Satan, who told people to call him 'Major' although he was a spiv in the war not a soldier! and who believed that 'signs' and instructions (like, No Dogs, or Staff Only Past This Point, etc ) were not aimed at him.

He also told me that teapots and milk jugs in cafes were included in the price of the tea and so we could take them home, so we did!

what a terrible man, but what a fantastic granpop for a child to have - staying the weekend with him was like staying at a house with an overgrown child! we ate frozen custard from the tin! and chocolates that were from LAST YEARs Christmas tree, we played games that the built in wardrobe was a lift! "first floor, ladies underwear and old men's baggy trousers!" the memories are fabulous.

I hadn't realised until I began writing, how much I missed him