A few days ago twitter had one of it's little viral hashtag things going on. Women were tagging events in their lives where they were 'grabbed' by men. It was to demonstrate the way women were, and often still are, treated. It made me think. I reflected on times I'd been grabbed too. I tweeted one of my experiences.

It led to a couple of replies from men. Which was nice! Telling me what I should have already known. Being grabbed wasn't my fault.

Today over breakfast I discussed it with Mr TM. He agreed that it was prevalent in the 70s and 80s, neither of us go clubbing now so can't comment on today! But it led to an interesting conversation.

I mentioned that the reason women went to the toilets in groups, at least when I went to clubs in the 80s and 90s was because leaving the group to go alone was dangerous. Walking across a club alone would leave you open to cat calls, and grabbing. You would often be surrounded by a 'pack' of guys, touched, kissed, generally leched over and the only way to cope was to laugh, to join in and to look like you enjoyed it because saying no or trying to push them away turned the 'banter' into aggression, cries of 'frigid cow' or 'touchy bitch' or 'I wouldn't want to shag you anyway' , which would often turn physical. I was grabbed when I went alone to buy a drink.

So when men are joking about women going everywhere in packs including to the toilet maybe think about why.

When we were talking Mr TM also said that while he never joined in when his mates behaved this way, he also didn't stop it, because like the lone woman, a lone dissenting voice in the pack will be turned on too, and anyway, the woman is laughing, she looks like she likes it...she doesn't. Now he realises his mistake.

So two things, why women travel together in groups in clubs, and women might look like they are having fun when they really are not. (and that the laughing and apparent enjoyment can apply to men too)

These packs of men turn usually normal friendly blokes into bullies. That's what they are, arrogant show offs, bullies.

Have you experience of this sexual bullying? Does it still happen? is it worse or better to be a woman at a club these days? I'd love to know because DD is 14 and soon she'll be wanting to go out with the girls..what are you teaching your sons?

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