My Family and Other Animals - The story of Dollar

It's time for a new story of a family that chose to add a pet to their family after they had children. Everyone loves a puppy but sadly getting a puppy doesn't always work out exactly as planned, partly because puppies are not all cute and fluffy loveliness, they are also high energy monsters with sharp teeth, demanding personalities and the capability to pee everywhere. So let us step into another families shoes and see what we can learn about choice and planning.

I’m Jodie, mum to a headstrong almost three year old and partner to my wonderful man, Andrew. We live in a second floor flat and once having our daughter and celebrating her second birthday, we felt as though something was missing. I’ve always grown up with dogs and Andrew has always wanted one, but his mum has a cat. After a log of nagging (sorry Andrew) and a lot of thought - we decided to research into what dogs are better for being kept in a flat. We had no intention on moving into a house any time soon, so we wanted a small furry friend that’ll enjoy being a part of our family. My mum and sisters are all severely allergic to cats, so that was ruled out of the equation.

So after a lot of thought and consideration we spoke to a lady about buying one of her new puppies. A chihuahua mix Jack Russell. We went to her house to see him and ended up taking him home there and then. He was absolutely tiny ( as you can see from the photos!) but we loved him and couldn’t wait to get him home and settled. We named him Dollar! That first night was HARD! I’m not sure what I had expected, but he cried the entire night and went to the toilet everywhere. I woke up after little sleep and the flat smelt so bad.

We trained him as best we could and took him for walks every day but something just didn’t feel right. I really struggled and although I loved having him, it was harder work than I had imagined. Daisy really didn’t like him. She would whinge and cry when he ran off with her toys, and she’d get frustrated when he jumped up at her. We decided it had to change. We tried training him as best as we could but we discovered he really just needed a garden and a larger space to run wild in.

Andrew’s lovely mum (who owns a cat!) took up the offer of seeing how he’d cope being at hers. It’s safe to say he LOVED it. He play fights with the cat a lot, but they secretly love each other. She has a large garden and has the door open the majority of the time, so it’s incredibly ideal for him. He has a much nicer life over there. I do miss him, but he is only a 7 minute drive away and I see him all the time. He recently turned one and he’s a right little character. He performs tricks for treats and show so much love and affection. We don’t know what the future holds in terms of his whereabouts. We know that rehoming a dog at a later stage in it’s life isn’t ideal, but we’d love for him to live with us when we have a garden. We’ll cross that bridge when it comes to it!

All in all, he’s a lovely little pup and a loved member of our family.

Thank you Jodie for sharing your story - it's true they are hard work and that not all dogs are good with small children, and I think you were brave to take on a puppy when you had no garden! It's great that you managed to sort such a good compromise with Dollar living with Andrew's mum, staying in your family. I shall look forward to seeing more photo's of him (he's adorably cute) and hearing how he gets on as he grows up.

Follow more of Jodie's family over on her blog.

And her Instagram: www.instagram.com/dearlittledaisy 

Wordy Wednesday's author interview with Anna Mazzola

Today on Wordy Wednesday, I would like to introduce to you, Anna Mazzola. Whose book I first found on Netgalley. And intriguing mix of true history and fiction, swirled together to make some sense of a criminal procedings from 1837.

The Unseeing is based on the life of real woman called Sarah Gale who was sentenced to hang for her role in the notorious murder of another woman. After Sarah petitions for mercy, Edmund Fleetwood is appointed to investigate. Yet Sarah refuses to add anything to the evidence she gave in court: the evidence which convicted her. Edmund knows she’s hiding something, but needs to discover why she‘s maintaining her silence. For why would someone go willingly to their own death?

And so I shall invite Anna to pull up a wing backed chair by the fireplace, and answer a few questions about herself, her writing and biscuits.

When and why did you start writing?
I didn’t start writing properly until 2011, when I had my first baby. He slept for two or three hours in the afternoon and there was only so much chatting to other mums about nappies that I could stomach, so I used to sit in cafes and write. That’s how I got into the writing habit.

What 3 things (not including paper, computer, pens) would you like to facilitate a good days writing?
Coffee is an absolute essential, as is relative silence (if I’m writing in the house, I tend to put on ear defenders to drown out the sound of children screaming etc). And I need to be cut off from social media - it’s too much of a distraction. I pick up a coffee, switch the Freedom app on, and write.

Do you write to a schedule, eg every day or three times a week, set times, etc or do you write as and when the mood strikes?
I have a sort-of schedule for those days when I’m without children. I drop them off at school and nursery, pick up coffee, get home, spend 1 to 2 hours writing blog pieces and articles, dealing with emails, messages, and publicity/marketing stuff, and then try to write for 2 to 3 hours. I often return to it in the evening after the children have gone to sleep. You basically have to be quite insane to finish a novel.

What are your favourite biscuits?
I know this is scandalous, but I’m not that massive a fan of biscuits. I would probably choose those Chocolate Leibniz biscuits which are basically 95% chocolate, 5% biscuit.

Where do you do most of your writing?
At a too-small desk in our bedroom at the top of the house. When I need to escape the house, I write in cafes, or the library.

What book are you reading at the moment?
I’ve just last night finished Mussolini’s Island by Sarah Day. It’s about a young man detained by fascists on the island of San Domino, Italy, because of his sexuality. It’s very good, and worryingly relevant.

What was the best thing for you personally about 2016?
My debut novel was published.

What was the worst thing for you personally about 2016?
My debut novel was published.

Ok, I am kidding, but it has been an odd process. You think it’s going to be the most wonderful feeling, and in some ways it is, but the publication process is quite strange at times. It turns out the writing is the best bit.

Is truth really stranger than fiction?
You honestly need to ask me this after Trump’s election?

If you could genetically cross an animal with a fruit or vegetable what would you choose and why? I'm currently keen on a cauliflower/caterpillar, a cauli-pillar, a bumpy white caterpillar affair that would be nice with cheese...
How about Tatergaters? Potatoes crossed with alligators. Snappy chips.

If reading and writing were banned on pain of death, what would you do instead?
Oh god. I actually don’t know. Probably just stare blankly into the void, occasionally playing mournful piano tunes.

If you could bring a dead person back from the dead for one day to have tea and a natter with them, who would you choose and why?
I think I might drag Shirley Jackson back from the dead, partly so she can give me a writing tutorial, and partly so she can see how work is appreciated now in a way that it never really was during her life. I think she’s just marvelous.

Thanks to Anna for answering my, often silly, questions. You can grab a copy of her fab book, The Unseeing, at Waterstones and of course, all good bookshops.

You can follow Anna on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and her website .

My Family and Other Animals - Guest post featuring cats and dogs

Lat week we were introduced to Colette and her decision to get a puppy at the same time as having  a baby. It was a lovely story and I really enjoyed the puppy and baby pictures - I hope you did too. This week I feature a blogger that not only added a cat to their family post children, but then threw a puppy into the mix too! Let's see how that worked out for Natalie, this week's guest poster from PlutoniumSox

"When I had my eldest daughter, we were a two-dog family. Much as I adored the dogs, I had always had cats as a child and the house seemed somewhat empty without one. So, as time went by, I managed to wear my husband down and he eventually agreed I could get a cat.

Well, within minutes I was online looking at all the rescue sites. We needed a very specific character of cat who would cope with our eclectic family life. Not many felines will put up with two small children and two large dogs. But as it happened, there was one. Luckily, I didn’t care what our family cat looked like. It was all about temperament and personality, both of which Jamer had in droves.

I never thought I’d get a pedigree cat, but Jamer was available for rehoming via the Cats Protection League as she was being bullied by the other cats in her house. And rescue cat was the only breed I was interested in, so she fitted the bill.

As soon as we brought her home, we realised that Jamer was a tiny cat with a massive personality. Whatever we were doing, she was there. She’d chase the sca-elextric, pop bubbles with the children, climb doors and fall off furniture. She was the boss of both dogs and slept where she wanted – even if it meant one of the dogs sleeping on the floor because she was in their bed and wouldn’t budge up.

Sadly not long after we got Jamer, our dog Soxa passed away. After a few months as a one dog, one cat family, I decided it was time for another dog. My husband and I were at loggerheads over this decision because I was insistent that it had to be a rescue and he wanted a puppy because he was worried about getting an older dog with young children.

So, we compromised. I did my research and realised there were hundreds of puppies in rescue shelters. It’s easier to get a puppy from a breed specific rescue, as there tend to be more of them there. We had a chat about it and decided we wanted a staffy. It wasn’t long before I found a 16 week old staffy cross called Millie at the Boxer and Bully Saviours rescue organisation.

We popped in to see her on the way back from a week’s holiday and it wasn’t long before she joined us in our home and Millie became Bubbles. Things have been difficult since then, my husband broke his leg badly in a motorbike accident, so instead of both of us taking responsibility for exercising our young terror, it was just me.

But despite it all, she has turned out wonderfully. She’s happy, bouncy and full of life. And most of all, she’s loyal to a fault. Last year I entered a 50-mile ultra-marathon. She trained with me every morning, with long runs at the weekends. And she still seemed to have plenty of energy.

I started to wonder if she might manage to run the race with me. I contacted the organisers and they were happy for her to join me. So, on a cold, damp October morning we set out across the Gower countryside. My husband agreed to meet me at the 30-mile mark so he could take Bubbles home if she was tired. But she wasn’t ready to stop. We eventually arrived at the finish after midnight, both totally exhausted but happy.

We sadly lost Jamer last year when she was hit by a car out on the road. We’re not ready for another cat yet because she was such a character, there will never be another Jamer. One day in the future there will be another cat in the Plutonium Sox household, but for now there’s just a large Jamer-shaped hole."

Oh I'm so sad such a fabulous cat is no more, and I totally understand how she cannot be replaced. It took us three years to get another border terrier after our last one died. But I do hope another awesome cat wriggles it's way into your life soon, it sounds like your family flourishes with the patter of tiny feet about the place.

If you've enjoyed this post (and who wouldn't!) you can follow Natalie all over social media or on her blog. 

http://plutoniumsox.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PlutoniumSox

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/plutonium_sox

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PlutoniumSox

Sophie the Giraffe is not trying to kill your kids, your bad hygiene is.

I am fed up with hearing about Sophie the sodding giraffe.

Sophie the Giraffe is not trying to kill your kids, your bad hygiene is.

Toys that get damp inside, either from use in the bath or through sucking by a toddler are going to grow mould. And before you all jump on me, no of course I'm not the perfect housewife with a spotless house, but when a plughole in my house is stuffed up with congealed soap and pubic hairs I don't alert the media. Nor do I return the sink to Bathroom World and complain.

Now I'm sure this lady who discovered the horror that mould had grown inside her child's favourite chew toy didn't immediately grab the phone and ring the BBC, I'm sure she just intended it as a reminder to her online chums that they should clean the toys in their homes and keep an eye on what babies and toddlers chew on. (see how I haven't read every article so I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt over this)

Just like when I found DD, as a crawling baby, chewing on a well gnawed plastic dog's bone and reminded people that babies crawl and that dogs leave spit slimey toys laying about (thus winning the 'no shit Sherlock' award of the week). I guess that the media were just having a slow news day, probably all the wars had stopped or something.

Really, I am bored of reading about Sophie.

If you have toys that can get water (or baby dribble) inside them, you should wash them inside and out regularly. Use some water with sterilising fluid in, squeeze the toy under the water a few times to ensure water ingress, then give it a good shake, leave it for 10 minutes, empty and repeat. Empty and leave the toy to air dry. You should do this at least once a month, more often if you have the time.

Now excuse me, I have plugholes to clean.

My Family and other Animals - Guest post

Hello all. I thought it might be fun to run a short guest post series about pets. But not just about pets, specifically about pets that people bought after having children. The sort of "oh there isn't enough pee and puke in the house, maybe we need a puppy too" sort of person.

I myself was guilty of this when at 4 months pregnant I decided one dog wasn't enough so we needed a puppy too (a whole other post) but were other people as mad as me? Well let's find out!

I thought we would start with a lovely post from Colette at Going On an Adventure

"When we got our puppy just months after having our first baby, everyone thought we were mad.

We hadn't planned it that way but our circumstances were a little unusual. We didn't go out looking for a puppy as such, but we had always said that when Mum bred from her bitch Molly, we would have one. It just so happened that my baby and Molly's puppies were born just three weeks apart.

Mum was a complete superstar and kept Thomas, our brindle boxer puppy, at her house for a little longer than usual so she could give him a head start on things like toilet training. By the time he came to live with us he was a good three months old and ready to go out for walks and such like.

I quickly found myself in a bit of a routine which worked for both Ben and Thomas - we would get up first thing, feed Ben and then take Thomas out for a walk around our local park. I soon learned that if I walked Thomas as soon as I could, he was much easier to deal with during the course of the day! Ben would often sleep in his pram for most of the walk and I tended to just stay out walking for as long as he slept - meaning not only did Thomas get plenty of exercise but so did I. With a combination of breastfeeding and puppy walking I lost my baby weight very quickly and without even really having to try.

Having a puppy to walk meant I got to know more people in the area - for a start, you don't get to walk a beautiful boxer puppy around without people wanting to stop and talk to you! But we also made friends in the park, other people who were generally walking their dogs at around the same time as us each day. It's not that I'd have gone for coffee with any of them or anything but it did mean I got a daily dose of adult conversation which any Mum on maternity leave with a newborn knows can be hard to come by some days.

We didn't suffer any sort of jealousy issues as neither Thomas nor Ben knew a life without each other, which meant that when we had the girls at a later date Thomas never really bothered with them. Babies were just the norm in our house at that time. We struck lucky with "Toss" - he was gentle and patient and surprisingly calm for a boxer (unless he was chasing around with his sister and then it was a different story altogether). He was always beautifully behaved, even if he did pull a bit when we walked him sometimes, and we trusted him as far as anyone should trust a dog with their children.

We lost Thomas at the back end of last year, he was only seven and it has been a real shock to all of us but loss is part of life isn't it and far better that our children's first real experience of grief is that of a pet than a family member. Growing up with a pet teaches children responsibility, empathy and boundaries. It shows them how to take care of the needs of others and gives them a friend. Yes, getting a puppy while we had a newborn was probably one of the maddest things we'd ever done but I wouldn't change it for the world."

Thanks' so much Colette for that sweet story. Loving the top tips about exercise and breastfeeding to lose that baby weight, and a dog is indeed a brilliant way to make new friends!

you can follow Colette on twitter at Lollinski

Keep up to date on Facebook at We're Going on an Adventure

And on Instagram at Going on an Adventure Blog

If you got a pet (of any sort!) after you had children, and would like to be featured in this guest series, email me at Tatmummy@gmail.com and include 'Guest Post Pets' in the subject line.

Baby sleep, would you consider controlled crying?

Why would anyone leave a baby to cry?

I did.

Would I do it again? Most probably not if the circumstances were the same, but in some circumstances, yes, yes I'd try it, and before you shout me down here's what I did, and why I would, or wouldn't do it again.

When DD was born (17 years ago!)  I was a novice mum. I didn't have a lot of close friends living near and none that had babies. All my school mates had moved away and none were married. My mum lived hundreds of miles away. The Internet existed but not with social media like it is today. I joined a small message board of mums, they were almost all American, everything from our 'diaper' choices to feeding methods were very different, though everyone was friendly. Mostly I bought some books and took advice from my midwives and health visitors (who were all lovely and really helpful btw)

When DD was born I was able to take a year off from work and Mr TM was already retired (and planning to be a SAHD and DD's main carer when I went back to work) so we had a whole year, just us and a baby (and 2 dogs). In the first few weeks I didn't get much sleep. Although Mr TM slept in a separate room (so he could be awake in the day and do lots of the chores, walk the dogs etc,) night feeds, in fact all feeds, were provided by my boobs so I had to be awake. Feeding on demand was recommended (quite rightly imo) at least in the first weeks to help milk supply. A feed could take an hour with a 2 hour nap after (for DD!)  and then more feeding, so you can imagine how tired a breastfeeding mum is, also she's making milk, in itself tiring - medals all round ladies!

Also anyone that tells you to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' is an idiot. Do they suggest a quick nap in aisle 8 of Sainsbury? A 20 minute sleep while driving? A doze in the park while walking the dogs? You are using those 2 hour windows of sleeping baby to wash, eat, clean the house, chat to adults, just 'be'. 

 So by week six I was running on fumes. I had no idea at the time that I had Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease (which has the joyous side effect of making you more tired than 'normal' people, and making ordinary tasks more tiring still) so that may explain some of it, but what ever, by week 6, late one night as DD cried, after I'd tried feeding, changing, cuddles, singing, swearing, begging, crying (me not her)  I looked to books for advice and I read about letting babies cry.

In the 50s babies were encouraged to cry. It was 'good for their lungs', gave them some exercise, and, if done outside, got them some 'fresh air'. So it was with no surprise that I found many books that suggested the crying it out (CIO) method. This, apparently relied on checking everything was well with the baby, they were fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed and leaving them to it. They would eventually fall asleep.

Even in my desperate state this sounded a tad tragic! Poor little baby, no doubt it would sob itself through hysteria into exhaustion and then fall asleep. So it would work, but at what cost? And wouldn't the baby get more distressed at each consecutive bedtime? Knowing and learning that bed and pram was a lonely prison?  No CIO was not for me.

Then I read about the controlled Crying method (CC) controlled crying started the same way, check baby was fed, burped, changed, clean and cuddled, and them popping them safely into pram or bed, but then not leaving them until they slept, but rather, settling them, saying a calm goodnight, and leaving, if they cried, waiting a minute before returning, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 2 minutes, settling the baby again, leaving, if they cried waiting 3 minutes...and , well you get the picture. This I could cope with.

I tried it...the first night was hell. When your baby cries, a minute feels like about 30 years. You have been sitting staring at the clock for an eternity (a minute) and then you rush to the baby, soothe, settle, leave and repeat. I was more tired after the first night of CC than before I had tried it! (she eventually fell asleep after 10 minutes). The second night I tried again....she was asleep after  5 minutes, and the third night, she settled and went to sleep with no tears at all...and the most amazing thing was that she also slept all night (well from 11pm at last feed until 6am and first feed - but that's all night in my book!) And this continued. I had a six week old baby that just went to bed at 11pm and slept through! (I'm sorry if you hate me - I'm sure luck plays a huge part here too)

I was a changed woman. Days were fun again. I could walk the dogs, Mr TM and I could spend time (awake) together. I could do cooking and housework. A miracle.

But...would I do it again, probably not.

I think as I had a year off and a supportive husband at home I could have just weathered the lack of sleep for a few months until she gradually learned nighttime was no fun, and reserved for sleeping.

If circumstances were different however, if I had to go back to work, or had other children to care for in the day, or no husband at home, then yes, I think I would at least try it for a few days. I think that if the times were getting longer to take the baby to settle, I would stop. If after a few nights she still wasn't settled happily at bedtime, I'd stop. But I think for exhausted parents, with other things and other family to manage, who don't have the luxury of focusing totally on a new baby, then yes CC has a place.

The conclusion I've come to is that lots of things that are 'best for baby' don't take anyone else into consideration. It's nice of you can do what's 'best for baby' but there are other people in the house too, mum, dad (maybe 2 mums, 2 dads whatever, you get the picture) other children, and there may be a job you need to go to to have money to feed and clothe everyone. So sometimes, what is best for baby is a fully functioning household.

And so I don my flame suit and pop this (sure to be unpopular) opinion out onto the Internet. I'd love your comments.