Sunday Lunch sex chat with the teen

This lunchtime we (DH and I ) decided to tell DD (aka 'the teen') that we had decided that after she starts sixth form college, for various reasons, we plan to give her the child benefit payments direct.

For those that wonder, that equates to about £20 a week and the reasons include ; having to buy her own clothes (as no school uniform), travel expenses, some extra freedom, learning to budget, experiencing the world of pay packets whilst not having to necessarily get a job (surely A levels are a full time job already?)

And that led onto my DH saying " so you won't have to sell your body" and while he meant it in jest it led nicely into a sex talk with the teen.

She told us that some girls had sex a lot, with all the boys, for no real reason. I calmly told her that her body was her body and I in no way wanted to police it, but in my experience she should be careful, that antibiotics were no longer the instant cure they once were and that boys and girls that had sex with anyone, without protection, were at risk. She agreed and said that most young people she knew didn't bother with protection. And that 'friends with benefits' was a common theme.

I feel scared for a generation that is so secure in medicine that infections and pregnancy are now seen as minor inconvenience and easily fixable, especially as this week is HIV testing week.

I told DD quite frankly that if all girls wanted was a satisfactory orgasm then a rampant rabbit was really all they needed. DH choked on his roast pork and stayed silent.

DD left the table, and DH and I continued to talk. I said that I had no regrets to waiting until I was 19 to have sex, that having a six month relationship before that happened was a good thing, that laughter and safety in a relationship were far far more important than 'just sex' great or not.

Copyright: elleemme / 123RF Stock Photo
So my list of things that are important in a relationship follow:

  • Sex is great fun but it's way more fun with someone you are comfortable with, friends with.
  • If a guy ejaculates before he's ready and you are friends you can laugh and hug and it's all ok. Friendship sex helps boys too.
  • If you don't like something your partner is doing and you are friends you can tell them and they will listen and do what you like because they like you as well as fancy you.
  • If you have no clue what you are doing you can talk about it it if you are friends and that's OK.
  • Friends can have the best sex. Because they can talk, ask and refuse without fear.
I'm not dismissing sex for the fun of sex, but for teens  moving into the world of sex I think it's good to be able to feel safe, to be able to talk.

I'm not sure if I'm an embarrassing mum or a cool mum. To me I'm just a mum. But I remember being a teen with the loves and lusts and fears of a teen, I want DD to feel happy, and special and safe.

Yesterday I asked DD if she needed the 'sex talk' ....I misheard her answer and thought she said "I've already done it" I replied "Oh, bit late then, still, if there's anything you need to know - ask" she burst out laughing and said "This is why my friends think you are so cool, you don't fly off the handle with WHAT!! you just talk to me"

Talk to your teens. Love them. Be a parent. Be a friend too.