When I am in charge....

Imagine you were in charge. I know it’s a daft fantasy but just imagine for a minute that what you wanted, or decided, could change things. I would, for example, like to rid the world of guns, and bombs too probably. People could settle scores with hand to hand combat or a chat over a pint instead. But that’s a huge change, even in my little fantasy of being in charge. So what a ‘realistic’ changes that I would make to improve things?

Copyright: sellingpix / 123RF Stock Photo

Here are my top 7

  • I would ban buskers using amplifiers. Sorry but no more electric powered stuff for buskers. No blaring backing tracks, no amplified electric guitar. You play an instrument, or you sing. That’s it. You are a busker, you are not an act trying to entertain an entire town at once. People like you, they will stop and listen, they don’t and they should be able to get out of earshot PDQ

  • I would bring back a dog licence. I’d add all the usual clauses for the truly hard up and the elderly etc but I’d bring back a reasonable licence. I’d use the money to pay for more bins for dog mess and some fenced and dedicated dog parks in all towns. I would consider a test before you get the licence too – maybe updated every 5 years like a dog owner’s MOT. Breeders would have to have a special licence on top of the individual dog ones, and they would remain responsible for every pup they sold. Microchipping would be compulsory.

  • I would set up a Parentline, a sort of hotline for parenting questions. So that when your child says “everyone else is allowed” you could ring and check. There would be a lit of ages and bedtimes too, and a guide to TV shows and Films that ‘everyone is allowed’ to watch. Finally you would have some backup! “I rang Parentline and no, not all 10 year olds have their own iPad” “I’ve checked with Parentline and it seems that Bride of Chucky is not watched by all 7 year olds as you claim” “Parentline has confirmed that all 5 year olds DO have to eat their peas” – also there would be an official ‘Wine o’clock’ text sent to anyone that registered.

  • I would hire both Grammar and fashion police. They would patrol in distinctive uniforms of bottle green and royal blue respectively. The grammar police would correct signs and might have a dedicated social media team. The fashion police would watch out for extreme hipster behaviour, see through leggings and shuffling teens in Uggs. On the spot fines would pay for these police forces. Especially well turned out people would receive vouchers to spend in local coffee shops.

  • Voting would be a legal requirement for anyone over 18, though there would be a ‘none of the useless twats’ box that you could tick to show how you felt, next to this box would be a comments area that the candidates would all have to read by law. I’d also investigate a simple online/telephone voting system.

  • I would ban eating food while walking, or on public transport. All food would be consumed at cafes, home or dedicated food benches set up across towns and cities. People would be encouraged to sit and chat while eating (though not with their mouths full) and there would be free iced water and wifi,

  • which brings me to – free wifi. There would be free wifi everywhere practical. It would be easy to access without having to fill in 2 pages of details about yourself. Though to get full access to all sites you would need to have signed up somehow and prove you are over 18. Maybe just give people a PIN?

What about you? Any pet peeves you could fix with new rules if you were in power?

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