I would say that food and I are in a committed relationship. As long as I can remember food has been there for me, keeping me alive, sometimes treating me to something nice.
As a child food was a great friend, and like all friends food would sometimes not be fun, there would be greens and porridge and healthy salad. We would row sometimes, I would refuse to have anything to do with food for meals at a time, but we stayed good friends throughout, until I left home at 16 and we got serious. Now food and I could go all the way. Suddenly food and I were into kinky things, ice cream for breakfast, snacking in bed at midnight. Some days I worried that food was going off me, making me spotty because I no longer ate the serious boring things...was our relationship floundering? Could we survive together. I shouldn't have worried, even when I was struggling for cash and living in a bedsit food stayed with me, slightly more boring but still there, we soldiered on. I still wanted food and food still wanted me, we just got together less often.
And of course eventually the initial passionate freedom phase settled down into a comfortable adult relationship. When I got a better job and no longer struggled, food would suggest weekend treats and I'd give in and we'd sit together in a cafe watching the world go by. Sometimes I would bake something sweet and special and over a week food and I would still spend lustful moments together.
Now I'm grown up and food and I are still close. We have a serious and committed relationship, never a day goes by when we don't see each other, but food knows there are boundaries, that my life is not all about food, some days food must take a back seat.
Food blames alcohol, but I think in an open relationship I should be able to see other calories, alcohol and I hook up at weekends, we have a laugh. Usually food is OK with this, sometimes food is there too. And when I feeling really saucy, food, alcohol and I party late into the evening. I know food loves me best though, because alcohol never joins me for breakfast, but food does.
Food and I, committed, in love, a proper relationship.
Love you food xx
see you at tea time.