30.8.13

In which I invent an unusual way to review books

So here's the thing. I love reading and I love books. I love paper books best even though I read on a Kobo (and have the Kindle app on my tablet - though the app is currently broken...don't get me started) I prefer to read paper.

Paper doesn't need electricity, it doesn't need to be charged up before a holiday, no worries that I might lose a paperback (it's usually only a few pounds to replace) . You can easily see where you are in a book. A book can be signed by the author (though then you DO worry about losing it!) Books can fill a room with their bright spines on show, their words a secret mutter on the shelves. A paperback can become bent and dog-eared and loved..

E-readers have their place of course, self publishing can be quick and easy (sometimes too quick and easy...you may want to proof read that....) you can carry a library on an e-reader in case you get bored. An e-reader is lighter that some huge paperbacks (more of this soon). You can thus carry all the boks you could ever need around with you..

I like it when peple ask me to review a book. I don't mind if it's in digital or paper format - a free book is a free book, but paper is the best - we all know that really, deep down. And paper is the best for a very special reason.

You can't light a Kelly Kettle with an e-book.
Now I hear you all shriek in horror. Burning books! What is she thinking! But I love to camp and when you camp you can get into a tight spot sometimes. Alone in a field with a tea bag and no kindling....what's a girl to do? And to be honest here, which of us hasn't read a book and thought 'goodness that was dreadful, poorly written, no plot, shallow chararcters (etc etc) That's 4 hours of my life I'll never see again'....and why, when we think that, did we donate the book to a charity shop to inflict those woes on another unsuspecting soul. No gentle reader, this poor specimen of literature can yet bring light (and heat) into a life. It can die gloriously in the production of a cup of tea.

And discovering this has led me to invent the 'Kelly Kettle' review system. From now on when I review a book I shall give it not only stars (up to 5 for it's readability and enjoyment factor) but also a 'Kelly Kettle Number' which will indicate the number of 1.3L Kelly Kettles can be boiled from burning the book alone.

And don't think I'm making all this up. A very thick book I purchased last week from a charity shop (and I shall spare the author's blushes by not mentioning the book) scored a simply fantastic 6 KKs (Kelly Kettles) when were short of kindling. As a read it scored a disappointing 2 stars.

I admit there are many books that truely are too wonderful to burn and these I will guess at a KK number based on past books size, page number and paper quality. (this will be the assumed Kelly Kettle Number or aKK)

So if you have a book you need reviewing, and if you NEED a KK score for the blurb on the back, send me a paper copy. I'll get reading (and, possibly, burning)

I may start here